A dot, H dot

Irina Samuels

Dedicated to A.H.

I saw him

I smiled the first time that M. told me his name

"A dot," I murmured

I worked up the courage to speak to him

Wondering if I would ever get to see him

I found I would

"See you later, A dot," I called

He smiled at me

I found that I loved him

I wondered shy

But it was so unconditional

My love for A dot was so unconditional

My friends wondered shy

I loved him

I came up with petty reasons

When in truth I had none

Why do I love A dot? I wondered

Then I found

That I only saw

What I wanted to see

He was no different

From the others I'd loved

Just another pretty face

In a sea of pretty faces

Like him, yes

Date him, maybe

Love him…never

"I don't love you, A dot," I whisper

As I find myself

Growing more distant

From him

I remind myself

There are others

And maybe

A dot and I can still be friends

But never will I be

So stupid as to

Love him again

"Goodbye, A dot H dot," I say in my mind

The echo sounds

Goodbye, goodbye

A dot H dot,

Goodbye.