Maybe, just maybe, it was a blessing in disguise..

C’est La Vie

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For my mother & brother;

Thank you for everything.
I love you.

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“Life only has meaning when one does not exist but live.”
- Anonymous -

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"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and a willingness to remain vulnerable."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh -

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I once knew a girl my age a long time ago. I prefer not to disclose her name lest her story be given away. She was a jovial child then. Not knowing nor caring much about the complications of the world, she was like every other child her age – carefree and full of zest. Although she stood a few centimeters taller and was noticeably bigger-built than the rest of her peers, she was pleasant and well-liked by everyone regardless of age gap. Despite her seemingly bubbly demeanor, things were not sailing smoothly in her life. Life has never been easy for her even since day one. This is her story.

This girl came from a small, simple family of four. She had a dad, a mom and an elder brother – or that was what her family originally consisted of. Her dad was a workaholic as much as he was a womanizer and drinker. After her dad left the family for another woman, her mom was left stranded with two young kids. Then, her mom was just a staff nurse at a government hospital and had limited means to make ends meet. Even her birth was not exactly a joyous occasion – her dad was not present at all. Upon her dad’s departure, her brother was only six and she was barely a year old. Thus, the first few years of her life was spent without a father’s love. Despite her less than wholesome upbringing, her mom made sure she had a decent childhood. As such, the girl never thought much of her broken family.

Perhaps the heavens decided to smile down on her for a while. Years passed since then. Her mom remarried another man who became a stepfather. That little girl was angry. She never understood why her dad was never around nor why this man was always with her mom. Naturally, she disliked him a great deal. However, unlike her biological dad, her stepfather was a very kind and patient man. He slowly won her over with his sincerity and love as she got to know him better. Involuntarily, he became the one to fill in the shoes of a father. The following few years of her childhood and adolescence were one of the happier times. But then again, life was never fair.

Just as things were looking up, the worst happened. Her stepfather – whom she affectionately calls Pappy – was diagnosed with colon cancer. At that point of time, it was a definite turning point in her life. The months that followed was filled with fear, dread with a hint of conviction and guilt. The news came as a great shock as Pappy was a very active and healthy person. He plays sports every week without fail. But alas, he could do so no more. The cancer slowly robbed him of his vigor, strength, appetite and health. It reduced his once radiant countenance into that of a starved and haggard person. Three years later, he lost the battle. The demise of Pappy deeply grieved her. He was the father figure she never had. Once again, her life was thrown into catastrophe.

Reality came crashing down on her as her once comfortable life was turned upside down. The feeling was not unlike pulling the carpet from under one’s feet. She had to rely on her own capabilities and be independent. No longer was there someone to ferry her up and down from one place to another, clean the house, do the laundry or even see to her meals. But most of all, there was no longer someone – not just anyone – to watch her back or comfort her in her mom’s absence or in the wake of her mom’s temper. Then, her elder brother was out of the country in another continent altogether studying in a university. Her studies suffered as pressure took toll on her. Many a times she broke down and cried because of the seemingly endless problems. At times, her relationship with her mom strained and grew taut. Yet, her spirit was never dampened to go on living her life.

Thinking back, it has been almost a year since I last saw her. All the trials and challenges that she faced and went through certainly made her a stronger person – emotionally or otherwise. That much I do know. The girl I remembered looked forlorn most of the time and she always has this small, sad smile on her face. I saw her yesterday when I looked into the mirror. Yes, that girl is me. Perhaps the girl who was staring back at me had her emotions healed. Perhaps she is still hanging on in there, accepting reality as it is. After all this time, everything that she endured up to this moment would just be another stepping stone to prepare her for the future. And maybe, just maybe… it was a blessing in disguise.

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Author's note: It was written quite some time back as my English essay and I've been wanting to post it up for ages. So here it is. Based on a true story, I hope your heart was moved by it. Reviews please! I'll reply every single one of them.