Chapter 21

Memory

I’ve survived almost a week and a half without speaking to Matt. Whenever he came over my house to pick up Christine for their dates or to hang out with Jake I’ve managed to avoid him. Those mesmerizing eyes, though…I could never forget those. I’m sure they would forever be imprinted in my memory.

That’s exactly what I wanted Matt to be to me. A memory.

My sister and him were in love, and holding onto something you could never have was worthless. Christine deserved the love, though. My parents rarely showed it and my brother and me were too uncomfortable to, but she’s been good to our family. She freakin’ deserved a good man like Matt.

“He will ask for you,” Cody assured me as I put down his Fender guitar. “He probably already has.”

I shrugged before sitting on his bed as a Ryan Adams song played through the speakers. “I guess it’s better that he doesn’t care,” I muttered under my breath. “That’s what I want.” That’s what was less painful.

“Shelly,” he sighed. “If he’s the guy you say he is, of course he cares about you.”

Since Cody now had a girlfriend I wanted to tell him everything about Matt in hopes of getting some advice. I stared into Cody’s innocent eyes for awhile until I was convinced. It worked, but not fully. “Okay,” I mumbled.

My fingers lightly strummed Cody’s brother’s electric guitar that stood next to me on its stand. “But I don’t see why you’re avoiding the guy because he’s your sister’s boyfriend,” Cody said after awhile. “You gave up Travis because he had a girlfriend and now you’re giving up this supposedly amazing guy because of the same reason?” he questioned.

I rolled my eyes and groaned. “It’s not like I have a chance with Matt. And I’m not avoiding him because he’s my sister’s boyfriend,” I explained before dropping my gaze away from him. “I’m avoiding him because I don’t wanna feel like shit again,” I murmured in a low, quiet tone.

There was a momentary pause and I looked up to see Cody standing over me for farther explanation.

With my eyes still not on him, I let out a soft sigh. “It sucks, that’s all,” I uttered in almost a whisper. “Seeing the person who has your freakin’ heart being with someone else who just happens to be a person close to you.” It was so easy telling this stuff to him.

When there was no response after a while, I looked back up and his soft eyes stared into mine. “I know how you feel,” he said in a light voice. “I was in the same situation just a few months ago.”

I looked at him questionably and he bent down to get to my eye level.

“The girl I liked was crazy over one of my friends,” he said in a quiet voice. The way his eyes were penetrating mine almost made him look intense. “I wish I could’ve told her how I felt, you know?” he muttered with a mild chuckle that sounded a little melancholy.

I nodded slowly and patted his knee, wondering who it was he had a crush on; he never informed me of this. “Well, you’re dating Aiza now. Not all is lost,” I reminded him with a small grin.

His thin lips pursed into an adorable, crooked smile. “Yeah, I got over it,” he said. “But I’m just not so sure if I got over her.”

We stared at each other for a moment before Cody stood back up. “If you really like Matt, then maybe you should tell him how you feel,” he advised over his shoulder.

That idea was not only mortifying, but also impossible with my sister in the picture. “Yeah, like I’m gonna do that,” I said with heavy sarcasm. I was never really a fan of telling people how I really felt. Plus, in this situation there was too much to lose.

His expression turned soft and his eyes seemed mildly amused. “I thought you wanted to have a killer summer?”

“I do,” I insisted defensively. “And it is!” I finally realized.

“How about that list of stuff you wanted to do near the beginning of summer? Go to the beach at night, watch a few concerts, win as much softball games, bowling at midnight...?” he listed with a grin. “We haven’t done those stuff yet.”

My eyes gleamed as I stood up from the bed. “Cody, I did do almost all those stuff,” I said with sudden realization as a grin started to reform on my face. “I went to the beach at night and lit fireworks, I went to the Topher Helton and Vermilion Story concert, our softball season ended with a bang….” My voice trailed off. “Most of it was with Matt, though,” I muttered.

I looked back over at Cody. “But I actually accomplished the things I said I wanted to do,” I said with an accomplished grin.

“Hey, we still have a good month left,” he reminded me. “And I don’t think you went bowling at midnight yet, right?”

We exchanged wide grins and put my hand on his shoulder. “Coming up with a plan, partner?”

“How about Saturday? Midnight? I’ll invite Ashley, some kids from band…”

I nodded in agreement. “Sounds good.”

“I’m proud of you, Shelly,” he stated with a warm smile as he lightly nudged me. “You came through with your plans this summer.”

Naturally, his smile had a mirror effect on me. “Me? What about you? You wanted to fall in love, right?” I reminded him a in a playful tone. “And now you’re with Aiza. We both came through.”

“So when you gonna get that tattoo you wanted this summer?” he asked jokingly.

“I was kidding, dork,” I laughed.

“You know what you should add to the list?”

“Stalk Topher Helton and maybe ask him to marry me?” I suggested jokingly.

He laughed and shook his head. “Talk to Matt,” he advised in a more serious tone. “You really don’t want to wonder about what would’ve happened if you have told him. You would want to know.”

I sighed. “Cody—“

“Trust me,” he interrupted in a low, but gentle tone. “I know first hand that it kills to wonder what if all the time.”

I neither promised nor rejected his request; I just kept my mouth shut.

“You know what I want to add on my summer to-do list? Cody said in a more cheerful tone. “Drive an hour and a half just to get to the nearest Sonics.”

Grins formed across both our faces. “What are you waiting for then?” I questioned. “Get your keys.”

It was nearing eleven o’clock when I came back home. I held my breath when I spotted Matt’s motorcycle parked near my driveway.

I groaned to myself as I unlocked the front door. How the hell was I supposed to avoid him when he was always here?

Setting my keys on the table, I let out a small sigh. It was so hard not speaking to Matt when he was so kind to me, but he hasn’t even tried talking to me this week at all.

I stepped into the living room to see Christine and Matt on the couch as they quickly disengage from each other in surprise.

“Shelly!” my sister exclaimed in slight embarrassment that I caught them in a make-out session. “Where’d you go?”

My eyes forcibly stayed on Christine. “Cody and I just drove to Sonics,” I replied in a flat voice. “Jake should be home soon,” I told them both, swallowing the bitterness I felt but I knew it still leaked through.

“Shells! I haven’t spoken to you in awhile. How the hell are you?” Matt asked in a cheerful manner as if I hadn’t caught him sucking face with my sister.

I unwillingly looked over at him, but not into those eyes. “Great,” I murmured blankly. “Gotta wash the dishes,” I added quickly just to get away from them. “Later.”

This feeling…I hated it. I didn’t want to ever feel it, but I always felt it whenever I saw Christine with Matt. That’s why I couldn’t handle seeing him at all.

“Hey.”

His voice made me freeze and I couldn’t find the strength to turn around to face him.

“What’s up? We haven’t hung out in a while,” he remarked as I opened the fridge.

“Just been hanging out with friends, that’s all,” I answered in quiet tone.

“What? So I’m not your friend?” Matt teased in a playful tone, pretending like he was hurt.

When I didn’t respond to his joke, I heard him shuffle closer to me and I looked up to see him standing by my side. “What’s wrong?” he asked with concern.

Still without looking at him, I slowly closed the fridge. “Nothing,” I lied.

“Yeah. I’ll totally believe that nothing’s wrong when you answer in that sort of tone,” he mumbled sarcastically. “Now tell me what’s wrong, kid.”

Cody’s request echoed in my mind, but it took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t ready to tell Matt how I felt about him. Not yet, at least.

Why did he have to care? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

“Is this about your parents?”

My neck snapped back up in surprise and confusion. “What?”

His expression was perfectly smooth and calm. “Christine told me about them. How they are…” he murmured in a low tone.

I shook my head. “It’s not them,” I replied softly, my eyes on the kitchen floor. Sometimes I wish I could speak to someone about my parents. “Not these days.” A few years ago it was them causing all the problems in my life, but not anymore. I’ve learned to drown them out.

It was silent for a moment and my eyes were still on the ground. “Well, whatever it is,” Matt began in a soft voice. “You know what might make it better?”

When I finally looked back up at him, his lips were pursed into a small grin and his eyes were amused. “What?” I questioned.

“A motorcycle ride,” he replied as his grin widened.

He definitely made it hard for me to ignore him completely. “Matt…” I started, my voice trailing off. “It’s getting late and my sister—“

“I was gonna leave anyway,” he interrupted quickly. “She wouldn’t mind,” he said with a shrug.

I wonder if she would mind if she knew I had the hots for him. “I don’t know,” I muttered, avoiding his eyes.

“Aw, come on, Shells,” he encouraged as he lightly nudged me with his shoulder. “I miss our spontaneous dates.”

When I looked up at him, he flashed an irresistible smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. “Where would we go, though?” I questioned in my last weak attempt to make him go away.

Matt’s grin turned mischievous. “Telling you would take away all the fun.”

That smile always got to me, but I wouldn’t let it this time. “I was gonna hang out with Carson tonight,” I blurted out in my last desperate attempt to dodge him.

The expression on his face was immediately caught off guard. “Carson?” he repeated in a questionable tone. “Thought you weren’t into him.”

“Well,” I mumbled as I ran my fingers through my hair in thought. “I’m not. He’s cute, though,” I admitted, not looking at Matt. Why was Carson the first person to pop up in my mind?

He raised an eyebrow. “Where are you guys going this late at night?”

There was some authority in his voice for some reason. “Uh, I haven’t text him about that yet,” I stammered. “But yeah. He’s picking me up,” I lied.

“Can me and your sister come then?” he asked. I couldn’t tell if he knew I was lying. “Or is it a hot date?” he questioned amusingly.

“It’s not a date.”

“Sweet. Then I’ll tell Christine and we could double,” he said.

“What? No! Are you freakin’ deaf? It’s not a date!” I repeated in a more strained tone before he turned to get my sister in the living room.

Matt laughed and shook his head. Why was always amused at me? “Aw, come on, Shells! It’ll be fun.”

Before I could protest, Christine came into the kitchen. “What will be fun?”

Oh great. “Shelly and Carson secretly planned a late night date behind our backs,” Matt said teasingly over his shoulder at her.

Christine seemed surprise. “Oh really?” she questioned with a big grin on her face.

“It’s not a date!” I nearly shrieked as I felt myself turn red. Now was tangled in my stupid lie. How would I get out?

“Yup. And we’re coming. I’m hungry. Let’s go!” Matt exclaimed leaving the kitchen to grab his jacket.

Christine shot me a playful look before following. “My little sister has a date!” she sang out.

I was left alone in the kitchen thinking about how screwed I was. How was I supposed to get out of this now?

When I couldn’t think of a solution, I hurriedly pulled out my phone to text Carson: Dude, do me a huge favor and I’ll love you forever!

A/N: Sorry for not updated as much as I wanted to! School has definitely been taking most of my time these days, but I'll get chapters up as frequent as possible. Thanks for everyone who has left reviews! Keep them coming, please. I'll have a new poll up soon and maybe another chapter up.

Who do you think is the right guy for Shelly?