|4 am rambling
Author: Anarchist Poet PM
haha what was i thinking?Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 567 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10-26-08 - id: 2588558
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I walk around like a victim
With my shoulders hunched, I look at the ground, never making eye contact. I h ave this awkwrd, crippled stance, bent over, closer to the ground, below others. Speaking in mumbles, if at all. Letting people push me around, not even reacting. Because I know for all the words and punches that are thrown at me, they're just hitting a shell, nobody can touch what's inside, nobody can touch that
But I'm afraid to show it so I walk around inside a shell, so I nod my head "yes" when really I'm thinking "no," so I defer to authority, I'm obedient and complaint, "yes sir," I don't say the things I want to say, I don't do the things that feel right, I keep that all locked up inside
Inside is where I'm strong and powerful and beautiful and I can do fucking anything, I know it, I just can't show it.
We all need to reach inside and grab hold of our potential and find ways to express it, use it to build and create things that are beautiful. I wish I could. I wish I wasn't so scared.
I look like a victim I act like a victim but I know I'm not, I know nobody can hurt me. I know that in my heart, if only my heart could convince my brain to stop sending out all those signals of anxiety, stop making me shake, stop making me doubt myself, stop making me depend on others when I have everything I need
It sounds so conceited, it sounds like a lie, to say "I am so beautiful, you just can't see it" but it's the truth, and it's true of you too, we're all fucking beautiful, it's not about being more or less beautiful than anybody else, it's not a contest, it's not a comparison. We all have things inside of us that are so amazing and powerful and we haven't been able to share them, we are afraid of what other people would think
Well I promise I would never laugh at you and I would never think you were weird or crazy or wrong, I would love you for sharing with me, and I would feel connected and inspired and admire you for being so brave
It scares me that tomorrow I'll go back to feeling worthless and useless and stupid, that I'll read this and think "what was I thinking?' and say that it's just drugs talking and not me, but it is me, and I don't want to forget this feeling right now ever ever ever.
Dear self: You are so fucking beautiful and you can do anything, don't ever forget it. Love yourself.
Hey world, it's important to love yourself it is important to acknowledge that you are the best, that it is you that can save the world, not somebody else. It's up to you. you can't leave it up to somebody better because there is nobody better.
Don't let yourself be a victim. You are not a victim. You are a hero you are an inspiration and you can do anything you want to do, anything
You don't have to be afraid.