It's been months since the sun has shone

And I have felt its joy above

The smile I wear every day

Is like a mask to hide my pain

The months roll by consistently

But the pain just grows and grows

To deny that you were everything

Is fooling and untrue

The world keeps going on and on

As I stand idly by

But not all things pass with time

Emotion rarely dies

I find no peace in life now

For all things speak of you

The sun the sky the grass the tree

All hold joyous memories

The time has come for the verdict

And I know not what may come

My vision blurs at the very thought

That you may truly be gone

For even as I feel the hurt

That you have put me through

I know in some small way that I

Will never deny that it was worth it all.

AN: Yeah I know, it seems scrambled, and oddly put together, but that's because it was haha. Pretty much two line phrases that have come to me over the last couple months. One would think that after five months this huge pit in my stomach would be filled over, and that the raging torrent within me would die away, but alas, no.

To You: Should you be reading this someday as I pray you don't and hope you do, know this: I am sorry that my best was not good enough. I am sorry I expected it to be. I am sorry that I expected you to love me back, and I am sorry I had unrealistic hopes for the future. But I am not sorry for my saying that the happiest times in my life were with you, even as I know I will never be able to say that in the future.

AN on the To You: sorry, but I don't feel like trying to disguise that as a poem today, maybe some other time.