Ashley

Come on, you can do this. You’ve gone through this probably a million times. Just walk up to her, ask politely to talk with her privately, and then drop the bomb.

I slam my locker, locking all encouraging words with my books in the metal frame. I dump what little books I need for the next couple of periods in my backpack and then go to find you. Usually, you walk around the large campus with you’re best friend. Today, she does not accompany you; perhaps absent to finally work on some homework or a random class assignment. It doesn’t seem likely. She’s probably just out sick.

I spot you by your locker. The actual box itself is closed, but you still stare at it as if it were open. Unthinkingly, you fiddle with your long brown hair. You don’t notice anyone around you, not even me. Still, your eyes are fixed on the rusty orange locker. You do notice, however, that one of your other friends walk up to you and you respond and turn around before the can say your full first name. You smile, wondering who was calling you. To this day, I still have no idea who you were expecting as you turned around, but you were not expecting to see Clarie. As she began to mindlessly ramble, all you do is occasionally nod and move your head. But I can see the blank hole your eyes fade into as Clarie’s voice echoes through the long halls.

I’m just as frozen as you – feet are plastered to the ground, eyes seeing almost nothing, blocking out minds except when some things are haphazardly processed, giving anything to be somewhere else. I understood the feeling completely. I did not understand why, however. Annoyance? Fear? Or single tiredness? What made you so blank in the eyes and body? I would still love to know.

The first bell for class rings, and unfortunately, we have first class in the opposite directions, opposite sides of the school. We head off and I know that I will see you again during our lunch break.

My classes fly by my eyes in seconds it felt like. I rushed from my locker to where I know you sit in the cafeteria. You’re alone again, so I walk up to you calmly, though inside tremors fled my every vein. You gaze up at me from your seat, your eyes still kind of blank. Though, this time I know that you’re curious of my appearance before Clarie’s.

“Hi,” I greeted lightly.

“Hey,” you mouth back, a small smile curling your lips.

I motion to the empty seat in front of you, and you nod with a lop-sided grin. I sit down and lean onto the plastic surface with my forearms. You pick at your food, your smile gradually fading away.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just not all here,” you reply. We both give a tiny chuckle before resting back into silence.

“I was wondering…if you’d like to…” I drifted off, still a bit unsure of what exactly I wanted to say. You relax in your seat and begin to smirk. “I was wondering…” I sighed. “Never mind, I can’t do this.”

“It’s not hard. Words. Like reading a textbook, only with more enthusiasm,” you advise. I grin big at your encouragement. I shake my head jokingly.

“Will you go out with me…on a date?”

The smile is now faint against your pink lips. You stop picking at your food and sit back against the back seat with your arms crossed.

“Ashley?”

“I’m sorry, Craig,” you start. “We’re friends. I’m sorry, but I don’t see us as anything else. But don’t feel bad, I’m sure there’s a girl out there for you. I’m just not her.”

I swallow, pain scraping its way down my throat. I stay calm and smile weakly.

“I understand.”