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CHAPTER 20: Disappointment Child
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Stephan’s parents invited you over,” Erika asks as we walk down the hall together.

I resist the urge to crackle like a complete lunatic. “Oh yeah, it’s going to be soooo epic.”

“You’re not going to stick one of those fart things on their chairs are you?”

“I haven’t thought about it, but now that you mention it . . .”

Sighing, she shakes her head. “Whatever, I need to go to my locker and get my book. I’ll see you in class.”

I wave her off and continue to plot many ways to go about tonight. It’s already Friday and I’m a mixture of nervous and anxious. A small part of me keeps telling myself that they can’t be as horrible as Stephan makes them look. I mean, they’re his parents, they’re not supposed to be like that so they can’t be. But that’s just a small part that doesn’t want to acknowledge the more evil side of the world. If I do, then I’ll have to also face facts that what happened to my parents could happen to me, my aunt and brother, or even Stephan.

A tap on my shoulder takes me out of my pondering thoughts. Looking back, I see a boy who looks familiar to me but it takes me awhile to remember. It’s his green eyes that spark my memory of the new boy who asked for directions for the office awhile ago, before winter break. Craig, I think his name was.

“Hey,” I smile a greeting.

“Hey. Noah, right?”

“That’s me.”

“I wanted to thank you for helping me out before.”

From the look in his eyes, I can tell that’s not it.

“Always ready to help one in need, that’s me.”

“Good, cause I can’t find the performing arts center. I’m supposed to meet my class there.”

“You get lost easily don’t you? Don’t worry, I’ll take you,” I chirp merrily, grab his arm and begin to lead him down the hall. He makes a surprised sound but soon falls in step next to me and I let go of his arm.

“You don’t have to take me,” he says awkwardly.

“Aww, do I make you nervous Craig?” I can’t resist the urge to crackle evilly at this. I’ve been keeping it in since Monday and was invited to dinner.

“You kind of do now,” he looks at me strangely.

I smack his back playfully. “No need, no need. Oh yeah, I was going to ask you this last time and I know you probably already made some new friends, but if you want, you can sit with me and my posse at lunch. It’s a real treat today cause I’m finally going to drag my sourpuss boyfrie—FRIEND! I mean friend, just friend, to the table.”

I mentally groan. I had caught my slip too late.

He doesn’t look at me with disgust though, merely curiosity.

“You’re gay?”

I should just get this over with.

“Yes, but don’t tell anyone else. I’m kind of keeping it on the DL right now.”

He just shrugs. “I don’t care. I’m pansexual.”

“Okay, you can’t just make up shit.”

“I’m not. It means I don’t think of gender when it comes to that. It’s very similar to being bisexual.”

“Oh, so you like boys and girls.”

“Gender doesn’t matter to me. It’s just not something I think about.”

“Huh, I’ve never heard of that before.”

“It’s not as common as people who are bi.”

“Oh, well here’s the performing arts center.”

We stop in front of the double doors.

“Thanks. I’ll consider sitting with you at lunch.”

“Cool. See you then.”

And with that, I wave goodbye walk off to meet up with Stephan.

Looking at the clock on the wall for the hundredth time, I honestly consider just going to class. I can’t believe Noah. He told me to wait for him at my locker, something about wanting to walk to class together, and he stands me up. I offered to just pick him up for school, it’d be easier, but he said we’ve already done that so it’s not the same.

“Hey, Stephan!”

Well, speak of the devil.

“You shouldn’t yell in the hallway, you could get in trouble and then we’ll be late,” I say and push myself off the lockers.

He stops in front of me, giving me a disbelieving stare. “What? You actually care about that? You didn’t seem to care much when you were skipping.”

“Yeah well, I have my dad all over my ass about my grades and attendance right now.”

“Tch, that asshole again?”

“He’s my father, his rule, my law,” I say simply and start walking, not giving room for an argument.

“He’s still an asshole. So let’s talk about something else. Oh, like how you’re coming to meet the gang at lunch. You know, I’ve been neglecting my buddies since we started, ah, well, since we’ve been ‘involved’.” Why not just say we were fuck buddies? It’s the truth, only we just messed around. We didn’t actually have sex until we started dating. “But that’s okay, because the only one I consider a real, true friend is Erika. The others are more or less just people I’m fond of, but I don’t expect to keep in contact with after high school.”

“I don’t see why I have to sit with them,” I mumble. “I mean, they’re your friends. Not mine.” It’s like he’s throwing me in a sea of strangers who I don’t know anything about. What will I say? I won’t have anything to say, I’ll just end up sitting there like a mute. I’m not looking forward to lunch. I’d skip the rest of school if it weren’t for my father just to get out of sitting with them. But then, Noah would just make me sit with them tomorrow.

“But don’t you want friends too?”

“Not in high school, nothing lasts.” I’m not even sure if we’ll last.

“Some things last,” he whispers softly, and then perks back quickly. “We can just have lunch with Erika then. Oh, and this new guy I just invited to sit with me.”

“What new guy,” I ask, but not really interested.

“Yeah, his name’s Craig. He’s kind of cute, with his green eyes. And he’s pansexual. Have you ever heard of that before? I’ve never heard of it. I thought he was mocking me at first.”

I stop, giving him a suspicious look. “He’s cute, huh?”

He stops too. “Huh? Well yeah. He’s kind of pretty, kind of like you, a pretty boy.” He laughs at this, seeming to not notice the strange looks he attracts when he does.

“If he’s like me then you’ll probably be making out with him next week,” I say almost coldly and brush past him, leaving him sputtering behind me.

“What? Where did that come from?” he asks when he catches up to me. “Stephan . . . are you jealous?”

He makes it sound like it’s an impossible thing.

“I can’t believe you just told me you’re attracted to someone else. Who does that?”

“I don’t know, someone who has nothing to hide? I mean damn, I think Jonny Depp is hot too—who doesn’t?—but I’m not going to make out with him if I catch him on a plane or something.”

“He’s an actor, it’s different.”

“Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never been attracted to someone else before.”

“I haven’t been looking.” It’s true, I haven’t. I used to think some boys were hot before Noah, but it was nothing more than that. I never planned on doing anything about it. Those boys were just as cold as I was.

“Really?” I can’t tell if he sounds happy or just flattered. But he stops me by grabbing my hand and dragging me to a random corner, to give us a little more privacy. “Why are you so bothered by this?” Because I’m already scared enough without this. I’ve never had someone before, been in a relationship before. How am I supposed to act to him checking other people out? “You know I think you’re hot as hell, you look especially sexy in that doggy position—ow!” He rubs his side. “Anyway. As much as I enjoy our spats there’s no reason for this one. You’re mine. I’m yours. It doesn’t matter if I think someone else is attractive, the only one I want to be with is you.”

Rolling my eyes, I let him quickly and discreetly peck me on the lips before turning way. I really don’t want to talk about it, especially not in the hallway.

“Come on, I really don’t want to be late.”

-

-

Lunch comes faster than I thought it would. Noah introduces me to his group, Jason and Alex, who are apparently together, Simon and of course, Erika. Erika doesn’t say anything but takes the seat next to me. We’re sitting at one of the long tables where we sit on the benches, the round tables taking up the other half of the back of the lunch room. I’m sitting between Erika and Noah while the other three take up the other side. There’s enough room on the bench for there to be quite a bit of room between us so at least I don’t feel smothered.

“So you’re the guy who’s been taking up our boy’s time,” Alex says playfully, her eyes seeming to assess me. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m used to people looking at me like that. “Well, you’re cute.”

“Pretty,” Noah grins.

Alex nods in agreement and then begins to eat off Jason’s plate.

“Woman, you need to learn to buy your own lunch,” Jason narrows his eyes at her.

“I don’t need to, I have yours.”

I watch their encounter with a bit of interest. The way they act around each other is different than Noah and I. Maybe every relationship is different? Either way, I find their playfulness amusing.

“Noah,” someone calls out.

I look back and don’t recognize the boy who walks up to him. Then, I notice his green eyes and figure this is Craig.

“Ah, Craig.”

And I’m right.

“Hope you guys don’t mind I invited two boys here.”

“Two boys? Are you a player now?” Simon grins as Noah forces Erika and me to scoot over so Craig can sit at the end, next to Noah.

Alex leans in closer as if about to share a big secret.

“Are you really going out with one of them?”

It seems Noah’s group knows of his sexuality, but I can tell by the whispering that they’re keeping it hidden from everyone else. It’s fine by me. I don’t need any problems while I’m here.

Noah looks at me questioningly and I decide to throw him a bone.

“We’re going out,” I state simply, no real emotion in my voice, though I look over at Craig to see him drinking his apple juice, not looking like he cares or has any interest in Noah.

Good.

When I look back at his friends I see Alex looking me up and down, then smiles and nods her approval.

“Very nice. Good job, Noah.”

“Thanks,” he chirps back, though I doubt he even realizes what he’s thanking her for.

The rest of the lunch I spend picking at my food, while Noah talks with his friends around me. He tries to include me in some of the jokes, but I feel uncomfortable. The most I can do is force a smile when necessary. Thankfully, Noah doesn’t say anything about it.

-

-

The drive to my parents’ house is awkward. Not because it’s quiet, but because Noah can’t seem to wipe that grin off his face. When I tried to question him about it and remind him to behave himself, he just blasted rock music to drown me out.

“Be good,” I remind him in a hard voice as we reach the door. I push away the nervousness threatening to break loose, covering my skin with goose-bumps.

Noah just waves me off. “Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna ring that doorbell or what?”

At least he’s not grinning anymore. His face is hard, like mine, prepared for anything.

When I ring the doorbell a maid comes to answer, letting us in. Once we’re in the foyer we take off our coats, the maid taking them to hang up, leaving us alone for a minute. The sudden warmth from the house makes me sniff; my nose is probably red from the cold.

“Your parents have a maid,” Noah says in awe. “You really are rich. This place is huge too!”

“Keep it down,” I hiss.

The maid comes back and leads us to the dining room, where my parents are. They’re already sitting at the table and as soon as we enter they give us harsh looks.

“You’re late,” my mother states.

“There was traffic,” is my lame excuse. Really I just delayed coming as much as I could. Showering, getting dressed and redressed like a girl trying to get ready for her first date, just buying as much time as I could without missing the night entirely.

“Well don’t just stand there, sit down,” my father orders.

The table is long, with my mother and father on either end. There are two chairs across from each other on the side. Noah and I will be sitting across from each other rather than next to each other like I had hoped—so I could pinch him or elbow him when he does something stupid.

When we’re seated my mother folds her hands in front of her on the table and smiles invitingly at him. The smile makes me shiver.

“So, I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. My name is Elizabeth Sinclair, Stephan’s mother.”

“Noah Armstrong, Stephan’s boyfriend.”

This is why I want him next to me. So I can hit him for saying stupid things like that. This isn’t starting off well. My father’s face pales and he looks like he’s about to be sick. I wonder if I wiggle down in my seat, if I can reach across and kick him under the table without looking too suspicious.

Then, when my parents just stare while looking ill, Noah continues.

“His boyfriend, his puff daddy, his mate, his lover, his—”

“Enough,” my father demands, looking like he’s about to slam his fist down on the table.

My mother clears her throat.

“You’re both so young, what you’re feeling for each other is probably just a phase,” she says, trying to sound polite.

Noah sputters, obviously offended, and looks at me.

What does he want from me?

Does he want me to make a spectacle of myself to my parents?

I can’t do that.

I look down as the maids bring in our food, watching as the plate is slipped in front of me. I pick up my fork and knife, cutting off a piece of the steak and when I’m busy chewing on it I look back up at Noah, now that I have an excuse as to why I can’t say anything.

He looks almost disappointed at me, and it’s almost enough to make me want to spit out my food and talk back to my parents. But I can’t. Why can’t he understand that? It’s not like I ask him to start something with his aunt.

“It’s not a phase,” Noah says, his voice hard, almost hateful. “Is it Stephan? Is this just a phase?”

It’s then that I realize he’s not talking to my parents anymore. He wants me to confirm it, to tell him that this is real. I break away from his gaze to look at my father, then my mother, feeling about close to vomiting at the intensity of their stares. They’re really putting me on the spot.

Swallowing, I confirm, “No. It’s not a phase.”

My answer seems to satisfy Noah, as he grins smugly, and then cuts off a piece of steak as well.

“You can’t know that, you’re still so young dear,” my mother’s sweet voice is calling to me. She’s never used that voice on me before. She’s used a polite but closed off voice when in front of guests and my teachers but never this sweet tone. Logically, I know it’s fake, that she’s just trying to manipulate me. But this is how I’ve always wanted her to talk to me. I can’t help but want to listen to her.

“Your mother’s right. Have you even tried to be with a girl?”

“No,” I say, and it’s true. I’ve never had the desire to be with a girl, in all honesty. I’ve always only been interested in other boys. Being with a girl has never crossed my mind.

“You’re probably just confusing friendship with lo—lust, honey,” my mother cuts herself off from saying love, unwilling to admit to herself that I might have it while she lost hers’. It should be enough to break me from her spell, but it doesn’t. Her words hit close to home. I’ve never had a close friend before, maybe I am confusing friendship with love. How would I know? How can I know the difference? And surely there are some people who find their friends attractive aren’t there?

“Stephan,” Noah calls to me and it takes effort for me to break away from my mother’s gaze to look at him. I wonder if I look as lost as I feel. Noah’s right there, promising me safety and happiness while these two . . . they just keep toying with my emotions. Suddenly they’re acting like they care about what I do and I’m confused.

But I’m not confused about Noah. This is what I’ve wanted. He’s what I want. They’re just trying to take him away, they want me to be as alone and miserable as they are.

But I can’t do that for them.

“I’m not confused about this. I only like other men. I’ve never tried being with a girl because the idea has never appealed to me. I don’t find their bodies desirable and I know a girl can't give me what I want—what I need.”

Not like Noah can.

It’s silent for a minute, until my father sighs and looks down, shaking his head in obvious disappointment that shouldn’t affect me anymore.

I know what comes now.

“How could you do this to us Stephan?” my father asks, his voice rough. “You are supposed to take over this company. It’s a family business that I’m obliged to leave to you, as you’re my only son.”

“I know,” I say. “I can still do that.”

My father shakes his head again.

“You were supposed to marry a woman and have a son of your own to take over the business. What will society say? Will you parade your . . . your illness around and make a fool of yourself? Of your family?”

“I’m not ill,” I defend. “It’s not a disease father. It’s just the way I am. And I’m not making a fool of anyone.”

He ignores me to look at Noah, who straightens in his seat.

“And what about you? Just what are your future goals? Or do you even have any?”

Noah narrows his eyes at him; his lip curling slightly in what I’m guessing is disgust.

“What I plan to do is none of your business.”

“I’ll take that as you have no plans.”

I close my eyes, wishing this would all just end already.

“How could you allow yourself to be in the company of such a talentless boy?”

“I’m not talentless!”

“Stop it, father,” I say, opening my eyes and searching out my mothers’. I don’t know why I expect for her to help me, why I let her fake sweetness get to me, but when my eyes find hers, the sweetness is gone and replaced by disgust.

“Stephan, look at me when I’m talking to you,” my father demands, slamming his fist on the table and making me jump slightly. “Just what are you planning on doing? Will you sell the company?”

“No, I won’t.”

“Well then what? You won’t be having any sons with that,” he nods in Noah’s direction.

I swallow. “I can adopt.” I make sure not to add Noah in, as I don’t know if we’ll stay together when high school is over. Hell, when this night is over.

My father scoffs, and I know that he’s not satisfied with this answer. An adopted child would be an outsider to him, not family. Family equals sharing blood. But I don’t know what else to tell him. I don’t want to have sex with a woman and I’m not sure how I feel about getting a woman to be a surrogate mother for my baby, nor do I wish to be trapped in a loveless marriage like my parents. And I really don’t want to have to decide it right this moment either. I can’t think with all three of them here at once. I need to be alone to think. They’re not letting me think!

“Back off him. He hasn’t even graduated high school yet and you want to know about kids,” Noah says, trying to defend me.

My father gives him a hard look.

“These things must be discussed for the good of the business.”

“You care more about that business than your own son,” Noah barks. “How can you even call yourself a father?!”

“I will not be talked to like that in my own house,” my father’s voice is starting to rise and I find myself shrinking.

“Fine, then we’ll leave!”

Noah gets up so fast the chair falls back behind him. He walks around the table and before I know it, he’s at my side, tugging at my arm.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“Stephan, you will stay where you are,” my father demands, his eyes daring me to get up.

I stay seated, not wanting to find out what he’ll do if I get up. Not with Noah here.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this small. It makes that urge, that longing to have strong arms around me resurface. Biting my lip, my fingers begin to absently scratch at my arm under the table as I try to remember the way I feel when Noah holds me. Warm and safe, like nothing bad can happen to me. I feel so happy and peaceful then.

I want that now.

Noah’s still tugging on my arm and I want to get up and go with him, the sooner I leave this place the sooner I can get what I want. The hate I feel for my parents resurfaces. I hate how they have so much power over me. They can take me away from him so easily though, it’s frustrating. I feel powerless against them. These feelings are too much; I’m beginning to feel nauseous.

I want to leave.

Without any more thought, I stand up from my chair, slower than Noah so I don’t knock my chair back.

“Stephan, sit back down,” my father orders, standing up as well. It feels as if he’s hovering over me, but I don’t sit back down.

“I’m not hungry,” I say, looking at my plate as I try to think of an excuse to leave. “My head hurts, I—”

“Sit. Back. Down.”

“Stephan, listen to your father.”

“Fuck them, let’s go!”

Too many voices.

I can’t hold it back anymore. Lurching forward, I gag and vomit on the floor, some of it landing on my father’s shoe. Noah’s arm comes around my chest to hold me up, so I don’t fall on the floor. It’s happening again too. My eyes are getting watery and my body’s beginning to quiver and sweat. I haven’t thrown up in front of my parents since I was a kid. I can’t believe they’re going to see me like this.

“Stephan!” my father and mother both shout in disgust as I finish, spitting on the floor as a nasty taste overtakes my mouth.

“Don’t touch him!” Noah shouts from beside me and before I can even stand up straight I’m being ushered towards the foyer. The maid brings us our coats, her eyes down low as she hurries away, not wanting to face my parents at the moment—not that I blame them.

“Keys.” Noah holds out his hand as soon as we’re outside. Not arguing, I give him my keys, knowing I’m not fit to drive at the moment. I feel dizzy. The situation feels too surreal. Everything’s moving by me in a blur now. We get in the car and Noah drives off. In the mirror, I think I see my parents coming out to probably try and catch us.

Exhaling slowly, I lean my head against the cold window as Noah turns the heat on full blast, though the car seems to take forever to warm up.

“Your parents are assholes.”

I close my eyes, dozing off while silently agreeing with him.

“You’re staying at your friend’s house again?” my aunt asks as I go to sit on Stephan’s bed.

“Yeah, he just got into a fight with his parents and I want to stay and make sure he’s okay.”

“Okay. I hope your friend feels better.”

“Thanks auntie, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Noah.”

“Night.”

I close my cell phone and look up at the sound of the door opening. Stephan’s standing in the doorway, staring at me intently. Once we got back to his place he went to the bathroom, I’m guessing to brush his teeth and do mouthwash, since he threw up at his parents. But I see that he’s also taken off his clothes so he’s only in his boxers.

“Are you tired?”

He doesn’t answer, and instead walks up to me and settles on my lap, straddling me. A part of me tells me to deny him, that he’s upset and . . . that’s where the thought ends. His mouth is on mine and he kisses me with such hunger I can’t push him away.

“Noah,” he sighs, kissing over my cheek and down to my neck. “I want you. Now.”

“Whatever you want Steph,” I whisper back, bringing his mouth back to mine as his hands go to my pants, unbuttoning them. I lift my hips so that they can come off and he pushes me on my back. He slips out of his boxers as I kick my pants and boxers off on the floor. I spit in my hand, knowing he’s not going to wait for me to fetch the lube I bought for us, and coat my hardening cock. I groan as I pump myself, becoming fully erect as Stephan moves his body over mine. When I hear him gasp I realize I’ve closed my eyes, opening them, I find him stretching himself, his eyes closed in concentration.

He doesn’t take long preparing himself. Soon he’s moving my hand away and lowers himself down on me. I throw my head back as he takes me into his body. Being inside of him always feels amazing. His muscles clench down on me and it feels so good, like a massage. My toes curl when he’s fully seated on me and begins to rock his hips.

“Noah,” he calls, his voice needy and wanton and when I look at his eyes, I know what he wants.

Sitting up, I grab his waist and manage to stand up. I almost slip out of him but Stephan pushes himself back down, wrapping his legs around my waist as I practically stumble my way to the wall, slamming him against it. His arms wrap around my neck and he brings our bodies flush together. I duck my head to bite and suck at his neck, while lifting his hips with my hands and bring him down to meet my thrusts.

“Aah!” Stephan arches his back and bangs his head against the wall as I pound into him. I’ve gotten better at sticking to his prostate now than our first time. Once Stephan starts moving his body himself I let go of his hip with one hand and let it wander up to his chest. He lets out a short-lived scream when I pinch and twist his nipple. We haven’t had the time to properly explore each other’s bodies before tonight, I kind of want to now. I want to find all of his pleasure points and make him forget all about tonight.

As he bounces on my cock, I duck my head down to bite and suck at his nipple, while still playing with the other one with my free hand. He arches his back again, moaning and gripping wildly at my hair, keeping my face to his chest.

So his nipples are definitely a pleasure point.

I’m going to get a sadistic pleasure torturing them later.

But tonight, tonight I just want to make him feel good.

“Noah,” he breathes and I move back up to kiss him deeply. His breath is minty as our tongues touch and dance together. I drive into him harder and faster as the heat coils in my lower abdomen. I let go of his nipple with my hand and move it between our bodies where his erection is trapped. I grab the base, squeezing it before I begin to jerk him off. He moans louder and I can tell he’s close too.

“Stephan,” I breathe against his lips, “You’re amazing. You feel amazing.”

I kiss him harshly again, seemingly trying to suck his soul out of him as I climax into him. I jerk him faster while I ride out my own orgasm, soon feeling him shudder against me as he screams—I love how vocal he can be—and comes between us.

My legs shake from holding us up and I back away from the wall, stumbling back and falling on the bed, Stephan slipping out of me as I do so. He groans when he does and rolls a little to the side, so that he’s on his side while his arm is over my chest and his leg resting over mine, his head resting on the hollow of my shoulder. We’re both breathing harshly, our bodies sated for the time being.

Once I catch my breath, I unbutton my shirt and take it off, using it to clean us off. Stephan’s already dozing off so I have to grab him and drag him over to his pillows, covering us up with the covers while throwing my shirt across the room, even though I get up a second later to turn off the light. When I’m back in bed, I scoop Stephan up from behind and hold him close.

“Noah,” he sighs, “My sun. Mine. I’ve waited so long for this. For you.”

He almost always sounds so out of it after we have sex so I don’t think too much on what he says. Instead I just kiss the nape of his neck and whisper words I know he won’t hear against his skin.

“I love you, Stephan.”

-

-

[

Ah, drama, drama, drama. This chapter was hard to write. So hard. I was going to have Stephan get a black eye and Noah give Stephan’s dad a black eye but I thought that might be going a little overboard. I’m not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I think I did a pretty good job. Stephan had the same reaction I always have when my mom yells at me like that in front of people, like I’m seven years old again. Ha, ha. How is it parents can make you forget your age and make you feel so small? So not fair.

THANKS FOR READING.

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