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B R E A T H E

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He's gone. Dead. What do I do?

He's really dead. Forever. And... I killed him. My boyfriend.

And now, I just can't forget - every few seconds, these images, memories, they just keep flitting through my head. I can't get them out. It's terrifying.

It's been two days. I can't sleep. Every time, I wake up screaming, horrified of the nightmares that never end. Spiraling on into infinity, until I can't breathe.

When we first started going out, he was too nice. But I was too much of a fool in love to notice. Always looking out for me, holding doors, buying me flowers, chocolates, jewelry. Taking me out to every possible place that was deemed as fun and enjoyable.

I was lost in him. His mesmerizing, deep blue eyes, that made me forget everything else but him. The soft, brown hair; elegant clothes; graceful body. I was enamored before I could even stop to think. And perhaps, an even bigger idiot for it. He changed.

Six months later; he's hitting me. Slapping. Pushing. Cutting. Strangling. Suffocating me. It was such a sudden case of bipolar personality. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening. And as the days went on, and time ticked on, it only went from bad to worse.

It was impossibly hard to realize. How could he be the same person? So suddenly; without even a single explanation. It hurt. And it still does, even now when I keep remembering. The pain will never fully leave me.

And then finally, it was too much. I got sick of it. The beatings. The unbearable pain. Day in, day out. And it was always, ALWAYS for NO REASON. There's only so much a person can handle before they crack. Before they break past the limit, and all the emotions just snowball; the fear, the anger, the hurt.

And you fall off the steep cliff called sanity.

In that one moment, after he'd just tried to strangle me, actually aiming to kill me in cold blood, with his belt, I cracked. I slipped. And I fell, into the deep end. Drowning in an ocean, with no control, no reason. Just me and my insatiable madness. I was hitting him with a lamp, before I even knew what I was doing. And I was clearly aiming to kill. Losing control, of all my sense; I felt like I was free.

For two hours, two whole hours, I forgot all about my sad life. I was happier than I'd been for a long, long time. No chains, no pain. Nothing left to hold me down.

Suddenly I could breathe again. And with the deep, panting gasps, came the guilt. It was like the more air I desperately sucked in, the more conscious I became of what exactly I'd just done. Murdered a man. Killed my boyfriend.

Unbearable flashbacks threatened to pull me back into the sea of insanity. A feeling like I'd just made the worst choice of my life overwhelmed me. Because I'd taken another person's life. I felt dirty, as if my soul was black. But all I kept remembering, again and again, were the finger, the muscled hands, wrapped around my throat in a grip so tight, I was barely conscious enough to try and fight back.

The marks are still there. I can see them in the mirror. The ugly blue-black bruises, tinged with violet and streaked with lilac. And not just on my throat. They covered my body, like a permanent, full-body tattoo, forever reminding me of him.

So. Thinking back to the asphyxiating life of then, and the unrestrained now, if i could turn back time?

I wouldn't.

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A/N: Please tell me what you think? Come on~ Just press the button! You know you want to... xD

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