This was written about my friend, who I love so much I hate him. Gah, my life is so complicated. Why couldn't guys just get stuck in the neanderthal stage?

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I hate how much you mean to me.

I hate how much I need you.

I need to see you.

I need to hear you.

I need to know that you are there.

But you aren’t.

I know you’re not.

Because I know that this silly little affection will blow over.

It did last time.

Even though last time was about you.

I got over you.

And then I fell again.

I fell hard, needing you more than ever.

You taught me how to live,

You taught me that life isn’t all about grades.

I know that now,

I’m a big girl.

I can stand on my own two feet.

But it’s nice to think that you’re there.

Even if you’re not.

I want to think you’re standing right behind me,

Ready for when I fall.

Because we both know I will.

But will you be there?

Please don’t shatter my fragile life,

My perception of existence.

I tried to build a bubble around myself,

To keep you at a safe distance.

It didn’t work though.

You came again and hairline fractures appeared in my bubble,

You did that.

Do you know what you do to me?

How I can’t refuse you anything?

I know I shouldn’t like you,

We shouldn’t even be friends.

We are totally different people.

Our groups don’t mix,

But for one hour a day,

We can be friends.

As close as we like.

But as soon as that bell rings, you’re out the door.

And out of my life.

Until the next day,

When we repeat this vicious cycle.

I hate how much I need this.