Fork in the Road

Where to go, where to go...

I feel like I can't move forward.

Even though I've been here for so long,

The loneliness's presence still lingers on.

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My (old) life can't come back to me anymore.

Trying to adjust to my new life, my current life, is difficult.

I feel like nobody can truly understand

What it's like to be ripped away from everything and everyone you know.

Even though I feel a little more at ease now,

It still hurts not to be back home.

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Change is inevitable.

Once I come back… It may feel like everything was a lie.

Everything, everyone I know, will not be the same anymore.

I may even lose those who I consider precious in my life.

I’m also scared… To even, perhaps, lose myself.

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These emotional outbursts…

The tears that seem to come out of nowhere, even up to now…

They still occur.

I wish they would stop,

But I know they can’t because these are very big changes.

I hate crying, I really do.

However, I feel that that’s the only thing I can do right now.

Extended family, and new friends, are still here, but…

It’s not the same because it feels like most of them don’t understand me.

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This pain… I hope it goes away.

If I keep feeling alone, if I keep shedding tears…

I want someone to catch them, the droplets that stream down my face.

I want someone to tell me that it’s going to be all right

And things will get better.

But most of all…

I want that person to say,

“Don’t cry, I’m always here for you.”

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It’s hard to accept this reality.

I feel like I’m carrying a heavy burden all by myself.

But I have to be strong…

And believe in myself more.