Spring Equinox

Chapter Eleven

XXX

Vinca opened the door to his apartment; he dropped the keys into a small basket by the door as he set his suitcase down. He glanced around, seeing someone had been in to clean and was glad. At least he wouldn’t have to do it before he went to bed. Moving across the apartment, he looked around at his stuff; the memories were becoming clearer, easier to gasp a hold of.

He paused beside the desk, picking up the mail he looked through. He couldn’t find himself to pull up the energy to care. Putting the mail down, he turned to head into the kitchen, a smile tugging at his face. It would seem the kitchen pulled him in, no matter where he was.

“Crap,” Vinca muttered softly, he glanced around again. He wanted to do something, but he couldn’t seem to find the energy to do it. With a laugh, he moved out of the kitchen with the intent to go to bed. He looked towards the door when someone knocked, and was debating if he was going to ignore it when it opened.

“Vinnie?” the boy turned watching as a woman entered with a dog; his eyes widened as the Golden Retriever ran towards him the dog’s tail wagging wildly.

“Bianca,” Vinca whispered as he petted the dog’s head, he looked up at the woman. “Thank you for bringing back Rio.”

“How are you?” the woman asked crossing the area, she knelt down in front of him and the dog. Vinca shrugged slightly as he kept his eyes on the dog and not Dom’s widow.

“Okay,” Vinca shrugged again, “I’d like to go to bed; it’s been a long day.”

“Well, I wanted to bring your dog back and check on you,” Bianca stood, watching as Vinca also stood. “We knew something was wrong; your neighbor called to tell us Rio hadn’t stopped barking in hours.”

“Thank you for taking care of him,” Vinca touched the top of the animal’s head; he wished the woman would leave. He wanted to crawl into bed and stay there.

“It wasn’t a problem,” she took a step closer wrapping arms around him. “I know you’re hurting. I know it’s all coming back to you, but you will get through it just like last time.”

“I know,” Vinca hugged her back, closing his eyes as he clang to her. After a few minutes, he pulled back and gave her a watery smile.

“I’ll get out of your way; you have my number,” she stated taking a hold of his shoulders as she met his eyes. Vinca nodded, wrapped an arm around her waist as he led the way towards the door. He bid her goodbye before turning back to the dog.

“How about I get you dinner?” Vinca inquired moving back to the kitchen. He shook his head as he realized that he had forgotten his dog. Picking up the food dish, he went to the pantry; filled it, setting it down, he picked up the water bowl and went to the sink. He smiled when he heard crunching, remembering three years ago on Christmas Morning when Dom had given him Rio as a puppy.

Putting the water down, Vinca headed to the bathroom to shower. He started the water and pulled his clothing off. He missed Cole and Rainie, missed the quiet of Cole’s ranch house. Getting in, he tilted his head back. He wouldn’t cry; he had already cried enough. All the way home, on the airplane from Wyoming to New York, he had curled up in his seat and cried.

Now he just felt empty, like everything was numb. Washing himself, he got out, and, wrapping himself in a warm towel, he headed into his room. Digging into his drawers, he looked for a pair of snuggly pajamas. Not finding what he wanted, Vinca headed back out to his suitcase to pull out the pajamas that Cole had given him. Pulling those on, he rubbed his head with the towel before crawling into bed.

Rolling to his side, Vinca heard Rio enter the room, the Golden Retriever heading to the bed that was in the corner for him. Rio had always slept on the floor; Dom had said that it was better for when he’d come over. He saw the animal settle down, large brown eyes staring at him.

“Rio, come,” Vinca said seeing ears perk up. “Come boy.”

The dog got up heading over to the bed. Rio jumped up, and the animal moved close to snuggle against him. Vinca rolled into him, wrapping an arm around the furry body. He buried his face in Rio’s side, finding the tears coming again. He thought he’d cried himself out, but it would seem that he hadn’t. He was crying for his returned memories, for the loss of Dom and for the newest loss of Cole and Rainie.

XXXXX

Cole walked up the stairs, having heard another crash coming from Rainie’s room. He didn’t know what to do. He knew that the girl was taking it hard; hell, he was taking it hard. But it was the best thing to do, to let the boy go. Opening the door, he saw Rainie had thrown herself against her bed and was crying.

“Rainie,” Cole started softly as he crossed the room.

“Leave me alone,” Rainie hissed, the little girl moving to throw a pillow at him.

“Rainie,” Cole sat down, reaching for his daughter.

“Why did he have to go?” Rainie asked with a sniffle, she looked up at him. Her eyes red and puffy from crying for the last several hours.

“His family wanted him, honey; we couldn’t keep him from his family,” Cole tried to explain.

“But he’s ours; we found him,” she pouted.

“He’s not ours,” Cole shook his head as he pulled her into his arms. He held her while she started to cry again; Cole wanted to cry, too, having hoped that when he came back he’d find Vinca. But he knew it was best for the boy to go home. Vinca’s place was with people that loved him.

“I loved him,” Rainie muttered looking up at her father. “You loved him, too, right?”

“I cared for him,” Cole said, feeling his heart break all over again. The hardest thing he had ever done was let that boy go. He had found that Vinca had found a way into his heart, and the boy had burrowed deep. But they would deal; they would move on. “You’ll see, Rainie; it’ll be okay.”

“But he didn’t even say goodbye,” Rainie wailed, burying her face in her father’s chest. Cole held her tightly, regretting not going to get the girl so she could say goodbye. He had really thought it would hurt less if they did it this way.

After the sobs turned to sniffles, soon the girl’s breathing evened out with only an occasional hitching breath. He knew that she had fallen asleep. Tucking her under the covers, Cole took a minute to look at her, hating that she’d lost another person in her life.

Turning, he left the room to head to his bedroom. The night before he had spent the night alone in the house, not doing anything but staring into the cold fireplace, then the ceiling of his room. He hadn’t realized how empty his bed would be now that Vinca had been sleeping in it.

Pulling his clothing off, he climbed between the sheets to stare at the ceiling. No one knew yet that Vinca was gone other than Rainie. Of course, Dragon’s Fire and the other horses could tell. The big Irish Draught horse was being difficult and it was making it all that much harder. Feeling tears gather in his eyes, Cole rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow.

XXXXX

Vinca was quiet as he crossed the cemetery; he slowed as he came to Dom’s grave. He had been home a week, and everything had come back to him. He had looked up Cole’s number, wanting very badly to call the man, but the words Cole had said to him that last day kept coming back to him. The man let him go. He didn’t exactly know what it meant, but he didn’t want to cause them anymore pain.

Kneeling down, he placed the flowers he had brought onto Dom’s grave. This was the hardest; he had spent a year healing from losing Dom, had mourned along with Bianca and the kids. He was getting his life back in order now that his lover was dead. Had found happiness with Cole and Rainie, a real place he belonged. Now he was starting from the beginning, but not only had he lost Dom; this time around, he had lost Cole and Rainie.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He wanted to pour his heart out to Dom, to tell the man about the last three months. He had tried to talk to his mother, but she didn’t want to listen to what she called his horrific experience. Bianca didn’t understand either. The woman was dealing with the new man in her life. So he was left alone, to try to work out his own twisted and broken heart.

He knew he should work, knew that he should try to get back into life. But everything hurt; it was hard enough to walk the dog, let alone to go out and take pictures of something. Someone in his family stopped by daily to make sure he was getting out of bed, not that he wanted to. With another sigh, he got up and turned back towards his car. Getting in, he patted Rio and then headed out of the cemetery.

“How about Central Park? We’ll take some pictures,” Vinca glanced over as he maneuvered through the New York traffic. His camera sat in the backseat; the message on his machine had asked that he submit something new when he felt up to it. Parking, he got the camera, dog leash, dog and everything else he’d need and started out across the park.

What he wanted to do was to return home and curl up and go to sleep. But he knew that he’d take a couple of pictures, it would make his agent happy, and she’d leave him alone for a while. Vinca found his favorite place, snapping pictures of some of the trees and birds. He snapped one of his dog, a smile on his face.

“I think that’s good for today; lets go home,” Vinca headed back towards his car. Getting back, he stashed his stuff in his car, got the dog in, and headed home. Getting home, he smiled as he watched Rio head over to the living room to curl up on his bed.

Vinca headed over to his computer, and booting it up, he looked through his mail. Once he had that done, he turned to pull the card from his camera. Putting it into the computer, he pulled the pictures up, going through the ones he had taken. Picking a half dozen of the ones he really liked, he sent them to his agent before turning to the dog. Getting up, he crossed the area to sit down on the sofa.

Picking up the book he had started before the incident, he pulled his feet under him as he started to read. He kept telling himself that he had to get on with life. It had been only a week, so maybe there would be a chance that Cole would call or send him some sign that he was wanted. He glanced up when he heard his phone; getting up, he headed over to answer it.

“Hello?” he answered.

“I love them,” the woman on the phone gushed, making Vinca smile softly.

“Margo,” Vinca started, “I’m glad you liked them.”

“Do you think by September you could have enough for a show?” Margo asked.

“I can try,” Vinca frowned, not sure if he really wanted to do a show in three months. He glanced around his apartment; at least it would give him something to do and not to dwell on what he had lost. “I’ll give it a good try, Margo, but I’m still a bit out of it.”

“I know, Vinca, just let me know by the first week in August,” she stated.

“I will,” Vinca hung the phone up; he turned back to the dog. He glanced at his book and decided that he had done enough for the day. Turning, he headed into his room and crawled into bed.

XXXXX

Cole sat in the barn staring up at the gray sky. He wasn’t even sure what day of the week it was; he brought the bottle of whiskey to his mouth. Taking a long drink, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He knew at one point, Mary came to take Rainie shopping for school stuff. Something he’d hadn’t been in the shape to do, and with school starting, it had to be done.

He tilted his head, seeing Dragon’s Fire was glaring at him. Not that he cared because Vinca had been gone for a long time. He thought the pain would fade, but at night he still reached out across the bed. He had thought that thing would go back to how they had been. But it hadn’t, instead, it had gotten worse, and now Cole found himself turning to the bottle when the pain got to be too much.

“Cole?” the man turned, watching as Kelly made his way towards him.

“What do you want?” Cole asked turning his attention back to the sky.

“I wanted to check on you; you didn’t look good the last time I saw you,” the blond stated softly; he skirted the big black horse.

“He went away,” Cole stated taking another swig from the bottle.

“Yeah I know,” Kelly knelt down in front of Cole; reaching out, he touched the man’s forehead. “Come on Cole, give me the bottle.”

“You can’t have my whiskey, Kelly,” Cole shook his head, tightening his hold on the bottle.

“Cole,” Kelly smiled softly; he knew what was going on. He’d stayed in town after the rodeo, had moved out, and stayed behind to feel things out.

“He left…” Cole muttered.

“You already said that,” Kelly leaned in, moving to meet the man’s eyes. He reached out again to touch Cole’s cheek. “He left because he wasn’t ready for a family.”

“Not true,” Cole slurred; he glared at the man, not resisting when Kelly leaned to capture his lips. A moan escaped him when a tongue invaded his mouth, pulling back after a second. “He left because his family wanted him back.”

“He’d have stayed if you didn’t have that kid,” Kelly moved in for another kiss. “Where is she anyways?”

“With Mary and Joe,” Cole trying to pull back, tried to get his head to work. He looked up at the blond, the man that he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The man that had broken his heart when he had walked away.

“You should let Mary and Joe have her, Cole; they’ve always wanted children,” Kelly suggested softly as he let his hand caress part of Cole’s thighs.

“You want me… you want me to give up my daughter?” Cole asked pulling back; he could feel his body reacting to Kelly’s touch.

“Not give her up, per se, just let them take her to raise,” Kelly leaned in to lick across Cole’s neck. “She’s your sister’s kid, not your responsibility; let someone else take it.”

“She’s the only family I have,” Cole shook his head, pulling back to study the man’s face. “If I did, would you come back to stay?”

“Of course,” Kelly kissed him again, moving to the snaps on the man’s shirt.

“What the hell is going on?” Joe hissed as he entered the barn; he glared at Kelly as the man stood up.

“I’m trying to reacquaint myself with my lover,” Kelly glared back, the man’s mouth turned down.

“But only if he gives up his daughter,” Joe moved towards Cole; he was angry with Cole. He could understand that the man was hurting, but he had a child to take care of.

“I’m not giving up my kid,” Cole went to stand, the man wobbling and sitting down hard on a bale of hay.

“I won’t stay with the kid,” Kelly crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop being so self-centered and self-righteous, she’s dead! You took her kid for nearly seven years; it’s enough.”

“Get the fuck out of here!” Joe hissed, knowing that once Cole sobered up, he’d be beyond pissed.

“Whatever,” Kelly turned and walked away, jumping when Dragon’s Fire nipped at him.

“I’m not giving up Rainie. I gave up Vinca, I won’t give up my little girl,” Cole stood again, holding onto the wall to stay standing.

“Come on, it’s time to sober up,” Joe helped the man into the house. He walked Cole into the kitchen, seeing Mary was looking at him concerned.

“Where’s Rainie?” Cole slid into a chair as he looked around. “Mary, what are you doing?”

“Rainie is up putting her clothes and school things away, and I’m making dinner,” the woman shook her head as she turned back to the stove.

“Kelly was here,” Joe said as he moved to stand beside his wife as he poured Cole a cup of coffee.

“Oh?” She glanced back at Cole to see the man had laid his head onto the table.

“He told Cole he’d come back if Cole gave up Rainie to us,” Joe saw the woman’s eyes widen and nodded his head.

“That bastard; he’s taken everything from Cole,” she hissed.

“He’s not making Cole give that little girl up,” Joe walked back to the table; he placed the coffee in front of Cole. He could see the rancher staring at the cup.

“I’m not giving up my little girl,” Cole muttered again.

“I know,” Joe patted his hand, looking back at his wife.

XXXXX

Vinca could hear them arguing outside his door, but since they hadn’t knocked yet, he was going to ignore them or try to. He was hoping they’d shut up and go away. He moved from his bedroom to the bathroom, and taking care of his needs, he washed his hands and headed back to his bedroom. He was almost to his bed when he heard the knock, debating on not answering it, but he knew Bianca wouldn’t leave until he opened it.

Turning, he walked through the apartment to the door. Opening it, he looked between Bianca and the man that was with her. Shaking his head, Vinca moved back in, leaving the door opened. He curled up on the sofa knowing the two were watching him.

“Vinnie,” Bianca started as she sat down beside him. “Have you even been out today?”

“Of course I have; I walked Rio this morning and just after lunch,” Vinca muttered.

“Margo said you’re not coming to your opening,” Bianca inquired reaching out to him. Vinca pulled his hand away; he looked up at her guiltily.

“I’m sorry,” Vinca started, “but Margo said I didn’t have to be there.”

“You have to move on,” Bianca tried again, knowing that, so far, it had been a losing battle with him. “Dominic wouldn’t have wanted it this way.”

“Dom is dead; I’ve dealt with that. It still hurts, but it’s been a year and half,” Vinca took a deep breath as he dropped his eyes. “But Dom left me because he had no choice; Cole sent me away because he didn’t want me.”

“Vinnie,” Bianca started again.

“You know how much I hate that name?” Vinca looked at her, seeing the surprise in her face.

“Dom use to call you that all the time,” she frowned looking back at the man.

“Dom called me a lot of things, I didn’t always like what he called me, but he was…” Vinca shook his head as he looked back at the man, too. “You’ve moved on, Bee. I’m trying to, but not only have I lost Dom, but I lost Cole and Rainie, too. You still have your kids.”

“You can come visit the kids any time,” she said.

“Not the same. Rainie needed me, as did Cole, but you and the kids are fine. You have Nick here to help you know,” Vinca shrugged feeling the tears again. “I just want to be alone.”

“Okay,” she stood, looking at the boy one last time before she and Nick left the apartment. Once the door was closed, she looked up at the man. “We have to do something.”

“What?” Nick sounded irritated as he looked down at her.

“Nick, he’s hurting,” she moved away, knowing that Nick would follow her.

“What the hell do you want me to do, fly to Wyoming and drag the man back?” Nick asked, his eyebrow rising when she stopped suddenly and turned to him.

“Maybe we should,” Bianca smiled, “go see if the man is as broken up as Vinca is.”

“You can’t be serious,” Nick inquired.

“Why not?” she asked moving back towards the building’s exit. She glanced back at him, seeing he was frowning. “We’re getting married in eight months. I don’t see him getting better; he was barely hanging on when he disappeared. He found someone to relate to, so we should give them a chance.”

“Fine, let’s head to the airport,” Nick headed towards the car, and opening the door, he waited for Bianca to catch up. Shaking his head, he walked around the car to get in.