6/3/05

So here it is, the day before graduation. Wow. Just eighteen more hours until my high school days are over forever. And my days here at Interstate, too. I’ll be much sorrier to see them go than the high school days in general.

What a year it’s been! Good gracious. Let’s see, when I first got here I was moping about how I was in love with Blaise and couldn’t have him, was engaged to a guy I didn’t want, and was headed off to spend a whole stupid school year disguised as a boy. I’d say my thoughts on just about everything have changed.

Yes, it’s sad that Blaise and I didn’t work out, but at least I got to spend the year with him, and we’re on good terms now. And as for not wanting to marry some random guy…well, I still don’t want to marry a random guy. Merlin Summers, however, is quite alright in my book. Been engaged to him for four years now, and he even proposed a little over a month ago. I definitely wasn’t expecting that, but it sure was nice. Even though it’s generally done the other way around. Oh, well…

And then that whole spending a year as a boy thing…good heavens, was that a hoot and a half! This year was ridiculous, but I think I can safely say that I enjoyed almost all of it. Eh, there were down times here and there, but overall, it was great. I got to reconnect with Blaise, my best friend…meet Dev, the most ridiculous person ever to live, but oh, how I love him…reconcile with Liam, which was certainly unexpected, but it’s nice to be able to talk to him again…and I met Joe, the only man I’ve ever known who can strut down the hall in a cape, and no one breathes a word of ridicule. I mean, he’s Joe. What more is there to say?

And then of course, there’s Hawk. Dear, dear Hawk. Wow. If I had known at the beginning of the year that I’d end up so happy with him, I probably would’ve killed myself or something, completely unconvinced that I could be so happy with the guy, but wow, I’m glad I didn’t. I can honestly say I’m looking forward to marrying him.

Not for a while yet, though. We’re all off to college first, which should be interesting. Dev’s going to military school, the crazy kid, and Blaise, Liam, and Joe are all headed to different colleges across the country. I’ll miss those kids, but maybe we can get together during breaks sometimes.

As for Hawk and I? We’re both going to a college a few hours away from here, and I think we even have a few classes together. Conspiracy? Hell, yeah.

It’ll be different, though. Our dorms are apparently across campus from each other, so it’s not like I’ll see him every waking moment. And I’ll have to get used to living with girls again. Weird! And I’ll have to get used to BEING a girl again. I think I can handle it, though. And my roomie will probably be more sympathetic when I’m moody for no apparent reason than Hawk and Blaise ever were. Oh, they put up with it and did their best to make it better, but sometimes a girl just wants to mope, you know? We don’t want it fixed. And while I will miss the cuddling that came along with them trying to fix things, I think I can handle trading it in for a good pint of ice cream every now and again. I haven’t eaten ice cream in forever. It’s a crying shame, I tell you.

So that’ll be college. Very interesting, no doubt, and another four years of school, which isn’t my idea of the best time ever, but I’m told there’s much more to college than that. There had better be.

And then after those four years are over, I’ll be getting married. Talk about craziness. It still seems so soon! Four years is a long time, I know, and I’ll probably whine about it the entire time, wanting the time to go faster now and slower the next day, but somehow it doesn’t seem any further away than it did at the beginning of this year, when I thought I’d be getting married straight out of high school.

I hear a lot of people get engaged at college. Heh, I bet they won’t be expecting a pair of freshmen to come in, announcing they’ve already been engaged for four years now! Oh, yeah. I think we win.

Speaking of winning…I don’t know. But at any rate, I got a note from Tanner the other day in class, some nonsense wishing me well in the future…probably standard, since Hawk said he got one, too, but it gave me a funny feeling. Don’t know why…can’t find anything out of the ordinary in it. I think I’m just getting paranoid. Didn’t I say to watch out for hot English profs? They’re scary!

Of course, I get the same feeling around Ryan. He’s always got this huge grin whenever he looks at me or Hawk. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was related to Dev. Oh, well.

I had a dream last night…it was kind of weird. My dreams are always weird, mind you, which is why I never mention them, but this one was weird in that it seemed almost normal, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, basically what happened…I had a baby. Hawk’s baby, I’m fairly sure. I don’t know if most girls have dreams like that about having their fiancé’s child, but it freaked me out a bit. I mean, it’s not like I think I’m gonna just randomly get pregnant…Hawk and I enjoy ourselves, but we don’t go there. No, sir. I’m pretty sure we were married in the dream, anyway. It was just weird, y’know? I mean, when we do finally get married, we probably will have kids eventually, but it wasn’t something I’d really thought about.

Oh, well. Enough of this useless speculation. I’m gonna marry him eventually, and then we’ll see if that dream ever comes true. Assuming I remember it by that time.

And now, for the final time, I will say goodbye. It was a nice fling with this little diary, but I’m thoroughly convinced that all this stuff happened now, and I don’t think I’ll need to write it down anymore. Besides which, the school year’s over. So there wouldn’t be any point in writing anymore.

Goodbye, my lovely diary! You’ve served me well. I shall keep you forever, I think, in some treasured little nook or cranny. And in thirty years or so, I’ll take you out and read over you. Quite a story to tell those kids I might have.

And now, just because I’ve always wanted to say this…

The End

(Hehe, I like that…makes me feel so official and important-like. Anyway, I’m out, for real this time. Goodbye! Sleep well, sweet diary! I go on to a better place…)