The Adventures of Sally and Mike Pt. 1

Once upon a time, Sally stiffened as Mike entered the room, disgusted by his presence. In her usual proper manner, she crossed her arms and bent her shoulders back, skeptically eyeing the man before her.

“What are you doing here?” she drawled, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

He raised an eyebrow, confusion covering his face. After a moment of contemplation, the man known as ‘Mike’ shrugged. “I live here…” he answered, exasperated and confused.

It was at that moment that Sally decided to leave. A serious decision on her part, she slowly stood, gripped the handle on her chocolate-colored, leather, Gucci purse, and sauntered towards the door. As she neared the exit, she let a piece of paper drop from her purse. It landed on the floor in front of Mike.

“That might be useful for you.”

Resentfully, Mike bent down. Out of curiosity, he picked up the piece of paper, examining the words thoroughly.

On it:

Pastor Bill

(134-456-3948)

Specialist in Homosexuality (or the curing of)

Mike took a deep breath, gritting his teeth in fury. His eyes flashed with rage as he sprang towards Sally, hand outstretched as the paper again fell lifelessly to the cold carpet floor.

Sally heard the slap before she felt it. As Mike’s weapon of flesh collided with her cheek, she widened her eyes in shock. Her hand slowly traveled to her face to caress the battle wound. As Mike stood before her, panting with exhaustion, Sally’s eyes narrowed.

“You shall rue the day you slapped Sally Skywalker, Mike Vader!” With that, she spun around on her six-inch, custom made Italian white stilettos and delivered a roundhouse kick to Mike’s angelic heart-shaped face. His innocent brown eyes swelled to the size of tennis balls as her shoe neared his adorable button nose.

And she kicked it off.

His nose, that is.

Frantically, he dropped to the ice-cold floor in search of his detached body part, convinced that he could salvage it somehow. While he was on the floor, Sally forcefully kicked him in his cold, shriveled up, walnut balls. Excruciating pain flooded Mike’s body, but he quickly recovered (because he’s gay), and he sprang up and locked his gentle, slender artist’s hands in a death grip around Sally’s neck. It was the ultimate death grip (and the reason that Mike was a professional wrestler). Choking and sputtering, Sally desperately stretched her muscular gymnast’s arm to the ceiling, grasping the light bulb and crushing it in her calloused hand.

As the thin shards of glass rained down on Sally and Mike, Mike screeched and fell to the floor, cowering in the fetal position. Sally dived in the direction of Sally’s chocolate-colored leather Gucci purse. When she seized it in her calloused hands, she dumped its contents on the floor. She smirked at the object of her desire—her nunchuckas.

In a flash of knowledge as Sally approached menacingly, Mike had an epiphany.

Mike’s epiphany: ‘It’s broad daylight.’

He opened his eyes and prepared to fight. Just as Sally was about to pummel him with her menacing nunchuckas, a knock came from the approximate direction of the solid wooden white door.

Sally cautiously approached the wooden object (the door), slowly turning the frozen brass-colored handle.

“May I help you?” she asked, blood dripping from the side of her mouth.

Before the neighbor could reply (she had been disturbed by the uproar and was checking to make sure that Mike hadn’t had an epileptic seizure and was lying on the floor dying (even though Mike did not suffer from epilepsy)), Mike came up behind Sally and killed her (the neighbor, that is).

“Friends?” he asked, holding out his subzero-temperature hand to Sally.

“Sure,” Sally replied.

They then settled their differences over a heaping bowl of cannibalism. In the midst of preparing the heaping bowl of cannibalism, they realized something:

They forgot to invite a ninja turtle (a teenage mutant one, that is).

So they called the ninja turtle, and everyone lived happily ever after… or did they?

The End

Questions for reflection:

1.) What do you know about Sally and Mike? (How do you imagine them, what are their personalities, etc…)

B.) Why do you think Sally was recommending Pastor Bill to Mike, and how is that relevant to your life?

i.) wargarbl?

AN: Um, this is not a serious story. In fact, it's almost midnight, and I just finished writing a Bad Essay (intentionally writing badly) for my writing class. JSYK.