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If Only You Knew.
My first one-shot that I was actually able to put up. It's about my first official crush, but was bursting out of me, so I let it pour out :). It's pretty short but constructive criticism is appreciated ;)
I first heard a whisper of you when I walked down those dark hallways of our school. I first caught a glimpse of you on that worn out gym floor, your feet pounding away while you drove that little orange ball skillfully to that basket. I first heard you’re laughter on that gloomy Friday as you walked home with your friends, intent on spending a testosterone filled weekend. And I first felt my heart sing when you looked my way in that crowded hallway, trying to get to your next class. After that I couldn’t help but let my thoughts wander to you, wondering what you were doing at that exact moment. If only you knew how I wished you thought of me too. I couldn’t help but notice you and your green reindeer boxers. I couldn’t help but notice how worn out your brown pumas looked, as if they’d seen miles and miles of life’s twists and turns. I couldn’t help but notice that hoarse voice, discernable even through a multitude of noise. I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes, not a gorgeous gray or green that I would usually lust after, but a black as dark as liquid obsidian. I couldn’t help but notice. If only you knew, how often those pools of midnight black eyes, that never met mine, crossed my mind. If only you knew.
You’re athletic and strong with a hoard of admirers; you’re everything I could never be. You were the popular athlete and I was anything but that. Nevertheless you quickly defied the label of jock, when you stood in front of that English classroom, pouring your heart out when you read that beautiful poem about love and angels. If only you knew how much I wanted to be your angel then, loving you. If only you knew how I longed to hold your hand through all your problems, and how I wished to make you smile when you’re world was falling apart. If only you knew.
Still, I couldn’t help but hate you. You had turned me into a bumbling fool. I hated you so much because I had become just another one of those pathetic girls that swooned after you. I hated you for taking up my every thought. I hated that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to get over you. I hated you for having that affect on me, and I’ll always resent you for turning my life more chaotic than it already was. I hated you, but that didn’t stop you from tugging at my heartstrings whenever you passed by. You were my first real crush and I know the two of us together will never be. The two of us just could never be, acquaintances, friends, let alone lovers. I could hardly ever see us as lovers. We would never have that fairy tale, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming of being a princess and having you as my knight in shining armor. If only you knew.
Your girlfriend is so lucky to have you love her so, and even though it stings a bit to see you with her, I can’t complain when I see you look so happy, with a beautiful smile on your face, one that would never be aimed at me. Maybe someday you’ll look back and realize how that awkward girl in the corner hung on to your every word; or maybe you’ll do what I expect you to do when you look back, and simply fail to notice the hint of a shadow at the edge of your memories, hoping for a miracle. And even though I’ve gotten over you now, I’ll never forget you because you showed me the beauty of love and youth, and you taught me what it feels like to have a heart ache. Even now it feels wrong to write about you so, but even if you don’t deserve to have my words wasted on you, I hope you know that there’s someone out there who thinks about you every so often. Remembering the awkwardness that seemed inevitable whenever you were around. Smiling slightly, knowing you changed her teenage years when you walked into that stuffy classroom, with those hauntingly beautiful eyes that held a thousand secrets and a lifetime of memories. If only you knew.
