|Nothing to Lose
Author: Cattails PM
-Slash- The rewrite is being posted on my LJ.Rated: Fiction M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 76,906 - Reviews: 838 - Favs: 680 - Follows: 813 - Updated: 01-03-13 - Published: 12-23-08 - id: 2612034
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So, uh...this is the brain-child of sleep deprivation and a late night. And I just couldn't resist writing it. So...yeah. Here it is. I should be working on MS...or HtM...but... :D Anyway, I'm not sure how long this thing will end up being, but it should be fun! Hopefully. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, ETC!
Warnings: sex, alcohol, and whatever else you'd expect from a story like this!
Chapter One: Better Than Dead
When my eyes flicker open, I have no idea where I am. I'm not all that surprised, really. Judging by my lack of clothes and the giant bed, I went home with someone last night.
Groaning, I pull myself up into a seated position, wincing once I'm settled. Looks like I played bottom, too. Ouch.
With a sigh, I rub at my crusty and sore eyes, peering through my fingers at the room around me. The walls are a deep red, spotted here and there with random pictures and paintings. The bed's pretty high and really soft, so I sink into the cushions. It's comfortable. If only I could remember how I got here…
A soft yawn draws my attention to the other side of the bed, where I spot a smooth, pale back, attached to a messy head of red hair. I blink. Okay, definitely don't remember him…
The sheets rustle as he rolls over, pushing himself up. His face turns toward me, green eyes bright through strands of tangled crimson hair. They widen in surprise when they meet mine, and all of a sudden, pieces of last night come rushing back to me. Drinking at a bar…getting picked up by a stranger…a hot stranger…more drinking…dancing…drinking…making out…drinking…
Of course, I still don't remember how I got here.
"Um, hi," I say, voice kind of scratchy.
"Hey," is the hoarse reply as the man continues staring at me.
I push my fingers through my hair, hating the awkwardness. Guess it's time to escape. "So, uh…if I could just grab a quick shower, I'll be on my way…"
"Bathroom's just down the hall…"
I nod, sliding gingerly from the bed. "Thanks."
I am the king of one-night stands.
Managing to find a pair of discarded jeans on the floor, probably his, I yank them on before leaving the room. It doesn't take long to find the bathroom and I idly notice how nice everything looks. No way is this a bachelor pad.
The bathroom is huge, with a large corner tub and a separate shower. Again, this just doesn't fit with a single guy's house. He would have to be an interior designer or something for it to look this good. Fuck, please don't tell me I went home with some married guy…
Sighing, I shuffle over to the shower, turning on the water before shucking the loose jeans and stepping in. Oh, God…it feels so good to have a real shower again. I'm really not a fan of water and I normally hate showers, but after relying on the community centre's showers for awhile, I'm willing to push aside my hate for a bit.
I close my eyes and tilt my head back, groaning as the heat seeps into my body. Fuuuck, that feels good…
I feel like it should be awkward showering in a stranger's house…but with the way my life's been going? I can't bring myself to care. Besides, it's not like this is the first time. However, it is the first time I've gone home with a stranger while being so totally shitfaced…I hope I didn't do something stupid.
Fuck, I hope he used a condom. I don't want herpes.
The sound of the door opening startles me, and I freeze, hands covered in bubbles from the shampoo. I hear someone shuffle around before the door closes again. Only when I'm sure no one's there do I let out a breath. Being in a stranger's house makes me skittish.
I quickly finish up, turning off the water and stepping out into the strangely cool bathroom. Shivering, I grab a towel and wrap myself in it like a blanket, before padding over to the mirror. My hand pauses on its way to the smooth surface, my brow furrowing in confusion. The glass is covered in frost. How would frost appear in a steamy bathroom?
Biting my lip, I step back and head for the door. I'm sure it's nothing. Just faulty vents. Vents can cause frost, right? Right.
I think I panic too much.
I think I need to get out of here.
Ignoring the iciness of the doorknob (faultyventfaultyventfaultvent), I quickly return to Felix's room. Only when the door's shut do I realize I left his pants in the bathroom. Dammit.
Startled, my eyes flick to the corner of the room where I spot Felix digging around in his closet.
"Uh…yeah…" I reply, walking slowly over to the soft bed. I perch carefully on the edge, watching him. "So, uh…I never caught your name."
He gives me a strange look, strolling over to the bed with a bundle of clothes.
"It's Felix. I guess you forgot, huh?"
Flushing, I shrug, burrowing deeper into my warm towel.
"You really were drunk, weren't you?" He laughs, then winces, clutching his head. "Damn, I hate hangovers…"
I twist my fingers in my damp brown hair, glancing away. I've never had a hangover.
"Well, um, I'm gonna get going…"
Felix glances at me in surprise. "You're leaving already?"
I stand up, looking around for my clothes. "I'm sure you have things to do, so I should go…"
He touches my arm, eyebrows raised imploringly. "At least stay for breakfast?"
I pull away, shaking my head. "It's okay. I'll eat when I get home."
"Where do you live? I'll drive you home."
This guy really doesn't give up, does he?
"Really, I can walk…"
"How far do you live?"
Shrugging, I glance out the window. "Um…what street is this?"
I do some quick calculations. There's an apartment complex near here…
"I live on Spruce," I say, still vainly searching for my clothes. "It's only about a ten minute walk."
"I don't want to leave you on your own…"
I raise an eyebrow at him. "I think I can handle myself. Now, where are my clothes?"
"Oh, I put those in the wash while you were in the shower."
Um…what? I've never had a one-night stand do that before.
Seeing the look on my face, Felix walks quickly over to the bed. "Here, I brought you some clothes." He picks up a pair of pants and a shirt the bed, holding them out to me. "You can keep them."
Warily, I accept the clothes, not caring much if I get mine back. It just feels disturbingly intimate to be wearing the clothes of a guy I just met, sex or no.
"Did you want some boxers, or something?"
My eyes widen and I quickly shake my head. Now that's just way too intimate.
Felix smirks, but says nothing, instead turning his attention to getting dressed. Way past the point of modesty, I drop the towel and yank on the borrowed clothes, noticing idly that they're a little big on me.
"Well, uh, thanks for…" I trail off, not really sure what I'm thanking him for. A night of sex I don't remember? A shower? Clean clothes? Sighing silently, I just tack on, "See you later."
His eyes follow me as I hurry out of the room and down the stairs, keeping my eyes open for anyone else. However, the house appears to be perfectly silent, and I can't see any other people.
My shoes are quickly located and put on my feet, and without a second glance, I'm on the sidewalk and heading away from the rather nice house. However, my feet are not taking me to Spruce Street; instead, I head for a little park in the opposite direction, my hands shoved in my pockets and my head bowed. I lied when I told Felix I lived around here. I don't live anywhere. I didn't even know I'd still be alive today.
The park is deserted this early in the morning, so I perch on one of the swings, battered shoes digging into the sand. Now that I'm away from Felix, all my feelings of depression come rushing back, leaving me sick and sullen. Felix may've been a nice diversion, but it's really time for me to end this. I've had enough.
It's a long while that I sit like that, staring blankly at the delicate grains of rock surrounding me, before I hear footsteps. I instantly stiffen, my head snapping up to watch the approaching man. My eyes widen in surprise.
"What are you doing here?" I demand, gaze darkening slightly. I do not need this.
Felix shrugs, dropping down on the swing beside me.
"Spruce is in the opposite direction."
"So? What are you doing here?"
"I followed you. Why aren't you going home?"
I glower, slouching down defensively. "I didn't feel like it."
"Then why didn't you stay at my place awhile longer?"
God, he asks a lot of questions.
Instead of answering, I ask my own.
"Are you married?"
He falters, blinking.
"Are you married?" I repeat, watching him steadily.
He bites his lip, finally nodding.
I sigh, looking away. "That's what I thought. Fuck. Why'd you bring me home with you?"
He scratches his head, smiling sheepishly. "It's complicated."
"What kind of 'complicated' would make you cheat on your wife, or whatever?"
"I didn't cheat," he snaps, scowling. "I told you it's complicated."
I roll my eyes, staring moodily at the sand. "Right."
"And what the hell are you complaining about? You're wearing a wedding ring, too."
My gaze snaps back to him, confused. "What? No, I'm not."
He raises an eyebrow. "Look at your hand, then."
Obediently, my eyes fall on my ring finger, and I freeze, staring. What the hell? There, around the slim finger, is a delicate gold band twisted around a silver one; undeniably a wedding ring.
"But…I'm not married…" I whisper, stunned.
Felix snorts. "Apparently you are. Why else would you be wearing that?"
"I've never seen this before!"
Felix opens his mouth to say something, but closes it as his eyebrows draw together. After a moment of deep thinking, his eyes widen.
"What?" I demand, practically shaking. What happened last night?
"I, uh…think I know how you got that ring," he replies sheepishly.
"How?" I lean closer, searching his face.
He avoids my gaze, biting his lip.
"I, um…I think we…y'know…"
I stare at him, stunned. Then I glare.
"Quit fucking around."
"I'm not!" he retorts. "I mean, we were both wasted."
"Then it's your fault!"
His fists clench. "Don't take it out on me! It was your idea."
"Why the hell would it be my idea? And why did you agree?"
"How the hell should I know?" He glares at me, apparently just as short-tempered. "Get over it."
Still scowling, I let my mouth snap shut, staring petulantly at him. I'm an idiot when I'm drunk.
Rubbing my eyes, I stand up. "Whatever. Divorce."
Turning to him, I slowly growl, "We're getting a divorce." I never thought I'd be saying that.
Without saying anything, I turn around to head back to his house. We can call the courthouse or whatever there.
Surprisingly quiet, Felix follows me back, hands in his pockets and eyes on the ground; much like my earlier walk of shame.
Felix takes over the lead when we reach his street, since I can't remember which house it is. It's a nice neighbourhood; decently-sized houses, big yards. Probably popular with families.
I trudge up the stairs of his house, barely its neatly kept yard and garden. When we get inside, I silently kick off my shoes and follow Felix down the hall to a large, brightly lit kitchen.
"Want some coffee?" he asks, glancing at me as he walks to the stove.
I shrug, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. I'm feeling less angry and more resigned. I can add this to my growing list of fuck-ups.
"You can sit down, y'know," he remarks, shooting me a small smile while setting up the coffee pot.
Wordlessly, I pull out a chair and lower myself onto it carefully, back stiff as my dark eyes follow Felix's movements. We don't say anything to each other until he joins me at the table, setting a mug in front of me.
"Did you want cream or something?" he asks, catching the look I'm shooting the black liquid.
"Cream or milk. Lots of it."
Nodding, he walks over to the fridge, pulling out a small carton. I carefully tip most of my coffee into his mug before accepting the container.
"That's more cream than coffee," he remarks, watching me fill my mug to the brim before taking a sip.
Ignoring the pale liquid, I look at him solemnly.
"Do you know the number of the courthouse?"
He looks at me for a minute before sighing and pushing his chair back.
"I'll go look it up."
My eyes follow him as he leaves the room before falling back on my coffee. I don't know how long this process will take. I just want to get it over with, so I can go back to…yeah.
I hear a voice in the other room, and awhile later, Felix reappears. He sits at the table, cradling his warm coffee.
"The earliest we can get an appointment with the counsellor is next week."
My head whips up. "What? I'm not waiting for that long!"
Felix rolls his eyes. "Oh, yeah, I'll just call 'em right back and say that they have to change their schedule cuz my husband can't wait for a week.
"I'm not your husband," I growl, his sarcasm igniting my temper.
"Uh, the rings say y'are," drawls Felix, wiggling his fingers at me.
"Up yours," I snarl, chair squealing as it's shoved backwards. Felix snatches my wrist before I can leave.
"You want to kill yourself, don't you?"
My blood goes cold. "What?"
Fuck no, I am not that obvious.
"I'm not an idiot," he mutters, face sullen. "I can piece together drunk talk."
My ears burn at that, and I look away. "What do you care?"
There's a soft sigh, then Felix's hand loosens. "Just…sit down."
"What, you wanna know why?" I curl my lip at him. "None of your business." Wrenching my arm away from him, I storm out of the room. I can't tell if I'm more angry or embarrassed…but it sucks, either way.
I don't actually reach the door. Instead, I collide with someone's rather hard chest.
Stumbling back, I look up, blanching at the tall man in front of me. Dark almond eyes stare back, one eyebrow raised.
"Who'd you sleep with?" Without waiting for an answer, he glances behind me. "Hey, Felix. He yours?"
"I'm not his," I growl, ring burning around my finger.
The man snorts, walking past me. "Whatever."
Felix grabs me before I can finish my journey toward the door, spinning me around and pushing my back toward the kitchen.
"Stop being an asshole and finish your coffee."
"I'm not staying here," I snap, not bothering to fight. I can leave later.
"Oh, gonna head home? Oh, wait, you don't have one!"
He had the punch coming.
Shaking my hand, I walk back to the table, leaving Felix doubled over and gasping. Over the years, I've gotten good at winding guys.
"Looks like I missed something."
My eyes flick back to the new guy, quickly returning to my coffee when I take in his easy smirk.
"Are you the husband?"
He leans back in his chair, long black hair sliding over his shoulder.
"Yeah. One of 'em."
Great. This is the guy Felix cheated on. His personality must suck or something cuz his looks sure d—
"One of them?" I repeat, head slowly turning. I must've misheard.
His smirk only widens. "Didn't he tell you?"
Felix finally stumbles over to the table, apparently having caught his breath. Shame. He shoots me a dark glare as he drops back down on his chair.
Ignoring him, I narrow my eyes at his husband.
"Didn't he tell me what?"
From the corner of my eye, I see Felix go still, eyes widening. "Uh, Sei…"
Grinning widely, he leans forward. "We're polygamists."
My finger runs through the condensation on the bar, creating little streaks. A row of empty glasses sits in front of me, while a full one rests by my hand. While not full-blown shit-faced just yet, I'm quickly on my way there. A few more drinks should finish the job, and then I can get to the real mission of tonight.
"Drinking by yourself?"
I look up, brown eyes squinting at the figure in front of me. Tall, tanned skin, a crazy mess of spiky red hair, and a pair of bright green eyes. Hot.
I turn back to the bar, lifting the full glass to my lips.
"Can I sit here?"
I shrug, draining half the burning liquid. He takes this as consent and hops onto the stool beside me, signalling the bartender.
"I'll have two of…whatever that is," the redhead says, gesturing at the drink in front of me.
The bartender nods and moves to make the drinks while my new companion looks at me.
"So, why you getting drunk by yourself?"
I sigh, eyes fixed on the scratched bar.
"No reason. Why're you alone?"
"Clubbing and bar-hopping."
Rave boy. Of course. Explains the blinding skimpy clothes he's wearing.
"What's your name?"
I glance at him before returning my attention to the remaining liquid in my glass.
"Cool. I'm Felix."
I nod, but don't say anything. I don't know why he wants to talk to me.
"Here you go."
The bartender sets two drinks in front of us and Felix slides one over to me, cradling the extra in his hand. I finish off the liquid in my half-empty glass before picking up the fresh drink and staring into its neon orange depths.
"Drinking isn't gonna make you happier, y'know," my companion remarks, glowing green eyes fixed on my face.
"I'm not trying to be happy," I mumble, refusing to meet his gaze.
I shake my head, draining the burning liquid with a grimace. We don't say anything for a bit, until Felix suddenly grabs my hand.
"C'mon, you're coming with me."
If I were sober, alarm bells would be going off in my head. As it is, I see no harm in letting him pay for my drinks and pull me out of the bar.
"Where're we going?" I ask, stumbling along beside him.
He grins widely, standing out like a beacon in the dark night.