Chapter 2: This Is My Big Iceberg

I can feel the bodies pressed against my own and I have to admit that it feels good. I’m enjoying the way Leon’s body is molding against my back side while Jamie is in front of me and to my sides are some random chicks that I think may be in my geometry class. Filling my ears is some annoying rap song about getting ass but it has a good beat to dance to so I keep moving my body. For a moment I close my eyes and just let myself get cause up in the music before I feel a tugging to my right. Thinking that it’s just Leon I move closer only to come in contact with some skinny guy who’s popped something like a boner and is trying to grind it against me.

“Ah fuck no! Get the hell off me!” I yell, trying to shove the guy off but there’s little room to move so I’m pretty much stuck. Then there’s this sharp tug on my arm and I’m thrown backwards into who I’m pretty sure is Bret. Looking up I see that I was right about the person being Bret and when I look back to see who had thrown me I see Leon holding the skinny guy by the collar of his shirt before punching him to the ground. Some people screamed because of the fight but it was soon over anyway since the skinny kid is now out cold and Leon is walking over to me.

“We’re leaving,” he tells me before grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the clearing on the dance floor.

“What the hell did you punch that guy for and where are we going?!” I yelled, jogging just to keep up with Leon’s quick pace.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he snapped before pulling open the passenger door of his mustang and practically throwing me in before slamming the door shut. The moment Leon was seated behind the wheel I began my rage-induced fit.

“What the fuck Leon?! If I’m involved I want to know where the hell I’m going!” I demanded as he began to speed off, keeping silent while doing so.

“Fucking talk to me Leon! Why did you punch that guy?!” I’m beginning to get more and more pissed off by his behavior as the seconds go by and honestly I don’t know how long I can keep up with this before I snap.

“He was trying to touch you so I just got him off. You should be thanking me,” Leon finally spoke.

“Please, like you even fucking care about me,” I scoffed and I swear the temperature in the car dropped at least 10 degrees.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Leon yelled, shooting me a look before his gaze retuned to the road.

“Well it’s kinda hard to tell if you are for me if in all the three years we’ve been going out you’ve never told me that you love me or maybe because you only like my body!” Saying those words hurt more than I thought they would because I know they hold the undeniable; that Leon doesn’t care about me.

“Is that what all of this is about? Me not telling you that I fucking love you?! Of all the selfish things you’ve done this has got to top the list Abigail,” he spat and I feel like I just got slapped.

“So now you’re calling me selfish?! I gave up almost all of my life to be with you and I’ve always gone along with your shit but suddenly I’m the selfish one?! Really Leon I didn’t’ think you were this much of an ass.” The last part was hissed as I glared over at him from my seat.

“If I’m such an ass then why are you still with me?! Why don’t you just move on so I won’t hold you back from your ‘oh so perfect’ life?!” Leon yelled before the car came to a screeching halt.

“Fine, Leon, we’re through. I hope you rot in hell,” I spat before getting out of the car and slamming the door behind me. I was only a few steps away when I heard the window roll down.

“I’ll be seeing you there,” he sneered. I turned around and gave him the finger before yelling ‘fuck you’ to him. When I turned around I heard Leon cal out my name but I just continued to walk away; my eyes closed in an attempt to calm myself.

“Damnit Abby! The van!” I heard Leon yell along with the sound of his hurried footsteps towards me. I froze before opening my eyes and turning to my right only to see blinding lights and hear a blaring horn before feeling the impact. I felt my body hit the bumper before flying up and hitting the glass before I finally tumbled off the roof of the car and landed on the street once again. It all happened in this kind of out of body experience so the next thing I know I’m lying face down on the street coughing up blood. Faintly I can hear the sound of a car speeding off and Leon’s frantic voice which makes me wonder just how far away from him I landed.

“Fuck!” I screamed out in pain when I felt my body being turned over. When I managed to open my eyes I found myself staring up at Leon’s blue eyes but something is off… holy shit! he’s crying!

“This must be a dream, you never cry,” I mumbled more so to myself before hearing dream-Leon tell me he was sorry. Next thing I know I’m in a world of pain as I’m picked up by Leon and carried over to his car. By now I too am crying not only because of how much pain I’m in but also because I now realize that this isn’t a dream and that with the amount of blood I’m loosing I can die.

“I don’t want to die Leon,” I sobbed into the leather exterior of his mustang as he got into the driver’s seat and began speeding away.

“You’re not gonna die Abby, everything will be fine,” Leon tried to assure me but his voice is cracking so I know he’s scared too. Never before have I seen Leon scared of anything so seeing and hearing him like this now is bad.

“I’m sorry about what I said. I do love you Leon,” I told him, hoping that at least if the last thing I said to him would be t hat I loved him I won’t feel as bad about leaving him if I do die.

“I love you too baby so just hold in there. I’m going to make sure everything is already. I love you Abigail,” Leon told me and with a smile on my lips I passed out.

oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

All around me I feel numbness except for on my left hand and my face. There I feel wetness which I find to be a very odd combination. Slowly I opened my eyes and saw Leon and my heart began to beat faster because I start to think of what he told me before I passed out.

He loves me, I thought with a smile which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hey,” I whispered hoarsely and when he just continued to stare at me I began to feel nervous.

“What’s wrong baby?” I asked softly which earned me a chuckle from Leon as well as a kiss on the forehead.

“Nothing you need to worry about. All you need to concentrate on is getting better for graduation,” he assured me but I shook my head.

“No, something is bothering you. I know because you were crying and you never cry,” I pointed out and then there was more silence.

“I was so afraid of possibly loosing you. All I could think about while I was driving you here was all the things I regret never doing with you. You said once that you wanted to walk on the beach at night together but I said that was stupid. You said you wanted to just lie next to me without any sex but I always pushed you for sex. Its things like that that I regret never doing with you that when realizing you might die; I never would be able to,” Leon whispered and I felt my heart ache with how much raw feeling he had in those words.

“Just being in your company is more than enough for me; I don’t need a beach too. As for the sex, well I’ve obviously never had anything against it.” I giggled at this and saw Leon too was smiling if only a little.

“I’m still here too so if you really want to we still have time to do all of those things. I’m sorry about our fight and I take it back, I still want to be with you and I still love you Leon,” I told him, feeling tears form in my eyes. Leon stiffened upon me mentioning that I loved him and it made me raise my eyebrow in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

No answer.

“Leon please say something, you’re scaring me.”

Still no reply.

“Did the doctors say I’m going to die?”

My voice cracked on the last question as tears began to pour over and Leon was quick to react this time by wiping them off. “No baby, you’re going to be fine,” he assured me but his eyes told me differently.

“Then what’s wrong? Why are you acting so distant?”

“The only reason you’re even hurt is because of me,” Leon said quietly and I started shaking my head.

“It’s not your fault Leon, it’s mine. I should have been paying attention and-”

“I was so scared you were going to die because I’m afraid of loosing you. I’ve always had you by my side and I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not always there.” With each word he said I began to get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

What is he talking about?

“Baby you don’t have to worry about me not being there because I love you and I’ll always stick by your side.” My words and voice were pleading despite not yet knowing what Leon is getting at.

“What if by my side isn’t where you belong?” he asked in a volume so low I almost didn’t hear him.

“I don’t care if it is or not. I love you damnit and I’ll make it my place!” I practically yelled and then Leon finally looked up at me. Dropping my hand he stood and took a step back from my bed.

“I can’t afford to loose you, but it’s the only way I know to keep you safe. I love you Abby, but I can’t risk your life with my stupidity.” With that said he turned and left. I’m too frozen in shock to even thinking about considering to do until it’s too late and he’s gone. Finally I feel my tears begin to fall faster until I’m full out sobbing into my hands, too weak to do anything but that.

Jack just left me alone on the door in the cold. Where’s my rescue boat?

oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

“Oh Abby I’m so sorry! I never should’ve let you leave with him,” Jamie sobbed two weeks later as she sat in a chair by my hospital bed.

“It’s not your fault Jamie, it’s mine,” I tried to tell her many times, but she just continued to sob.

“And you must feel horrible since Leon just got up and left town without warning,” she said and then we both froze.

“Wh-what?” My voice is cracked and my words are broken as they come out in something like a horror stricken whisper.

“I-I thought you knew. Conner said he was going to come and tell you,” Jamie said before there was a knock on the door and standing in the doorway was Conner. He obviously read the situation easily since he let out a heavy sigh before looking at me with eyes that held pity.

“Abby I’m so sor-”

“Can you guys just leave me alone? I need some time to think,” I asked quietly. They both gave me a reluctant nod before leaving my hospital room. Once the door finally closed I could feel the tears begin to form and I didn’t stop them as they began to fall.

Where’s the fat guy with the whistle so I can call over my rescue boat?

oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

I winced slightly but bit the inside of my mouth in an attempt to subside the pain coming from my chest. Leaving the hospital a week early while still recovering from a couple cracked ribs is never a good idea since it hurts like a mother to move around. Lean is worth it though, this pain I’m feeling now is something I’ll endure every day for the rest of my life if it means being with Leon.

About two weeks ago Steven told me that he had gotten a call from Leon. During that call he figured out where he was which is why I even snuck out of the hospital in the first place; to see him again. I just know there has to be some way to make us work. I’m not going to give up on him because he thinks it’s what’s best for me.

This is why I now find myself wandering the streets on this cloudy afternoon searching for the address Steven gave me. It certainly wasn’t easy to get the address since Steven flat out told me Leon said he didn’t want me coming after him, but after pulling a few strings and getting some help from Jamie I was able to get my hands on the address.

Now I’m searching the streets of a city I’ve maybe been to once before for an apartment address and my chest is killing me. I’m getting close, I’m sure of at least this much, but the sun is also setting and I’m alone in this unfamiliar place. Probably not my brightest plan, but when I finally got the address from Steven all I could think about was seeing Leon again. There was a lot to tell him after all, like the detail concerning what the doctor told me this morning that is pretty much the whole reason why I even left on such short notice.

My heart started pounding double time as I finally found the right group of apartment buildings. Now all I have to do is go up some stairs and hope that Leon is there. Just thinking about seeing him again made my knees tremble and threaten to give out but I urged on and began my climb up the stairs until I would eventually reach room 32.

“29, 30, 31….” I took a deep breath as I froze in front of room 32; staring at the wooden door as If waiting for all of my question to be answered simply by looking at it. After a good five minutes of just standing at the door way, I mustered up the strength and raised my fist high enough for one good knock. There was silence that followed, the distant sound of a dog barking its head off meeting my ears. With a heavy heart, I turned away from the door and was about to start walking away when it opened. Standing there, just a couple of feet away from me was Leon, eyes probably wider than mine as he stared at me.

“Abby?”

The world came rushing back to me then and I found myself reaching out to touch him almost to make sure he was real. I feel kinda stupid for making such a big deal about being away from him for a little more than two weeks, but thinking back to the way he had left and how almost everything just came crashing down afterwards; it left me tired. Emotions began to build up and like playing spin the bottle, I blindly chose one before going with it.

“You were just going to leave me in the hospital wondering what the hell happened to you!” I yelled in an outrage, not even registering my actions until my hand was stinging and the side of Leon’s face was bright red; hopefully stinging just as much if not more.

“How- how did you find me?” he managed to make out. Nervous suddenly, I looked down at my hands which had become increasingly fascinating in the past few seconds.

“I managed to get it out of Steven with some help from Jamie,” I admitted quietly.

“Did I not tell Steven not to tell you where I was?” Leon said more to himself, swearing under his breath as I felt tears begin to form in my eyes as my heart continued to slowly but surely break.

“Why wouldn’t you want me to find you? Did you think I wouldn’t live so you told me all those things so I would at least be happy?! Was leaving just an easier way to say that you just used me all along instead of actually talking to me about it?!” I yelled, tears spilling over as I thought over what I had just said. Leon was silence after this as if he wasn’t sure what to say and my anger continued to grow.

“Damnit Leon! Answer me! I deserve to know!” I screamed, taking a step towards him; demanding his attention.

“Tell me you were just running away to save yourself from having to ever see me again!”

Silence.

“What would you have done?” he asked me quietly and my chest throbbed painfully.

“I would’ve stayed and talked things out. Told the truth instead of running away like a coward,” I spat before turning on my heel and leaving Leon behind as I walked away.

The ship has hit the bottom and I think my whistle was somewhere on it.

oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

So I know it took like kind of a mini forever to update, but it’s a long update so that should make up for something. Please review!

Kattie