Rated M: Strong violence, strong language, sexual themes, drug abuse

Author’s Note: This story, besides the above mentioned notes for its rating, also contains themes that some may find offensive and/or controversial. This is also one of my first attempts at a serious story. Hope you enjoy.

THE WINTER OF REASON

Chapter 1: Showers of Autumn

Jackie leaned back on the park bench. She had one leg crossed over the other with her arm laid across the back of the bench. Her raven hair fell like a black waterfall around her shoulders, a few bangs hanging in front of her sharp face. Thin unpainted lips turned upwards in a smile as hazel eyes watched a little girl in a red wind jacket.

The girl was laughing, throwing orange and red leaves that had fallen from the carefully planted trees haphazardly into the air while her father laughed and came in to tickle her. The girl howled, her face split in a huge grin. Jackie remembered when her own daughter was that age. So innocent of the darkness in the world.

Things change rapidly however. Rebecca was eighteen now, in high school, and looking forward to a future separated from her parents. Jackie missed the simpler times, when she wasn’t concerned about what her daughter may or may not be doing behind her back. The world of high school was a world of drugs, sex, drinking and rebellion. Jackie knew because she had gone through it herself, and also knew that things only got worse when one got to post secondary.

A single raindrop landed on Jackie’s hand, the droplet running over her skin but she didn’t move; she just looked over the park. As the rain started to come pouring down she watched the father pick his daughter up and walk towards the road where his car undoubtedly waited for him. Jackie though just closed her eyes and leaned her head back, letting the cool water splash on her face, and a sad smile facing the heavens.

In a moment she was young again, laughing as she ran through mud puddles with her friends. The rain poured around her, and over her, but she had not a care. Her friends giggled as they splashed through the puddles, the water and mud soaking into their clothes. No concern for the future, no fears of the little things that plague adults.

On the park bench, Jackie felt a few tears run down her cheeks through the rain water.

The bell rang, and the near silence of the classroom erupted into a loud buzz of chatting students relieved to be released from history class. Chairs scrapped across the floor as books were snapped shut and tucked into bags.

“Don’t forget to read chapter thirteen tonight. I expect you all to have finished the questions I assigned,” Kim Harris called out to his class as they left. It could be debated whether or not the students heard him, or processed the words; they were much too concerned with lunch.

“Rebecca can I speak with you please,” he called to a young woman just about to step out of his room.

Rebecca turned to face him, surprise and curiosity on her face. She walked up to his desk, hugging her textbook close to her body. She brushed a strand of blonde hair over her ear. Kim ran an arthritic hand over his balding head, feeling the thick band of gray hair that wrapped partially around his head, letting out a sigh as he sat in his chair.

“Take a seat,” he said.

Rebecca pulled up one of the chairs that had been hastily pushed under its desk as the rest of her class had left for lunch. She set her bag on the floor and laid her book on her lap, still not speaking yet.

“Rebecca. You’re a good student. I’ve seen you push hard to keep good grades in previous semesters. This year though… you seem to be dragging. Three assignments still overdue, a lower average on tests, and you don’t seem to be involved with the class at all anymore. No enthusiasm,” Kim said, laying it all out on the table at once.

“Sorry Mr. Harris. Life’s just a little… hectic, right now,” Rebecca replied.

Kim nodded. Her situation at home was indeed, unique, but it had never stopped her before. He worried about her, about what she might be getting involved in.

“Nonetheless, I see potential in you, and I don’t want you to throw it away for the silliness of the high school social scene. Understand?” Kim said, feeling tied as to how he could help her. He couldn’t force her to do better.

“I do,” was her quick response. Kim knew Rebecca could debate, could talk well, could give presentations unlike most of her peers. He knew a short answer like this from her meant she wasn’t interested in what was happening.

“I’ll give you a deal. Turn in the assignments in three days, and I’ll mark them without penalties. Don’t forget your presentation next Thursday either,” he said.

“Thank you Mr. Harris,” she said, with a brilliant smile.

“That’s all I got,” Kim told her.

“See you tomorrow then,” Rebecca said, standing up, gathering her things, and leaving the classroom. Kim watched her leave, not knowing what to do with her.

As Rebecca stepped out into the hall, her friend Diana fell in step beside her. She had a smirk on her face as she looked at Rebecca.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just that I found out that Chad Collins is going to be at the party tonight, and that he’s single once more,” Diana said, making Rebecca’s heart skip a single beat.

She walked in silence for a moment, thinking, and Diana’s smirk only grew larger.

“So, does this change you plans? Not coming out anymore?” Diana asked, her tone slightly mocking.

“Not a thing. I’ll be there.”

The smell of freshly baked cake filled the house and Vanessa smiled as she pulled her baking creation out of the oven. In two days it would be Rebecca’s birthday, and today was the only day that she had time to bake anything for her. Tomorrow she had a full day of appointments booked, and the day after. She’d have to ice the cake at some point tomorrow night.

She still had a few hours before Rebecca got home to hide the smell of the cake, and keep it as somewhat of a surprise. For the time being she could hide the cake in her massage lab where her practice was placed.

“A nice chicken dinner would do,” she said to herself.

The phone started to ring, just as Vanessa slid a plastic covering over the cake. She rushed into the hall where the phone sat on a small table. She took a brief look at the caller display before picking it up.

“Hey honey,” she said with a smile.

“Hey sweety. I’m at Timmy’s right now. Did you want anything?” came Jackie’s voice over the line. She didn’t sound entirely like herself. Vanessa knew she was in one of her moods that came on sometimes, mostly during that time of the month.

“An iced cappuccino if you wouldn’t mind. You know how I like ‘em,” Vanessa replied.

“Okay. Sounds good, be home in about a half hour. Love you,” Jackie said.

“Love you too,” Vanessa replied just before she heard Jackie’s cell phone click off.

She put the phone back up on the hook at glanced over at the clock in the kitchen. Best get started on dinner now.

“So how was school today?” Vanessa asked, the question she asked every night around the dinner table.

“Not too bad,” Rebecca responded.

“Have much homework? You were up in your room for quite awhile,” Jackie said after swallowing a piece of chicken.

“A bit, got it done though. That party I told you about is tonight,” Rebecca said, a little excitement coming into her voice.

Jackie nodded slightly, and took another bite of her meal, remember white lies like this when she was a teenager. She doubted that Rebecca had actually finished her homework, but it was her choice whether to do it or not, Jackie would not force her.

“Oh yes. I was wondering why you were dressed so nice,” Vanessa said.

“Oh yeah… Jackie, would I be able to borrow the car to get there?” Rebecca asked.

Jackie felt a small twitch in her heart, knowing that Vanessa would always be Rebecca’s mother in her eyes, but Jackie was… what? She swallowed before taking a small sip of water.

“I’m working tonight so I’ll drop you off. I assume you’ll be drinking, and it’ll go late, so best idea is to stay overnight,” Jackie said, looking up at her daughter.

Rebecca blinked, taken aback slightly. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it without saying a word.

“If you’re hung over tomorrow morning just call my cell I’ll come pick you up and bring you home,” Jackie continued.

“Thanks,” was all Rebecca could finally bring herself to say.

“If you two do come back here tomorrow, please keep it down. I’m booked all day,” Vanessa said.

“Yeah… yeah of course mom,” Rebecca said, stunned that they were being so lenient, and once again Jackie felt that small tug in her chest.

“I’ll be leaving in about an hour, so make sure you’re ready by then to go,” Jackie said as she finished the food on her plate, and drained her water.

“Delicious sweety,” Jackie said, piling everything on her plate.

“Hey, you helped, don’t give me all the credit,” Vanessa said.

“Well, still, me and Becka will do the dishes,” Jackie said, looking over at her daughter, and smirking.

Jackie was in her police uniform, hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. She kept her eyes steady on the road as she drove from her small home outside the city, to Rebecca’s friends, which was in the outskirts, just before the suburbs.

“Thanks again, Jackie,” Rebecca said.

“Why don’t you call me mom or something?” Jackie asked suddenly, glancing over at her daughter.

Rebecca felt her gut clench slightly, as she looked around, feeling caught in an awkward situation. Silence filled the car for a few minutes as she thought of a decent answer.

“I don’t know… just easier I suppose. Its kind of hard… kind of weird,” Rebecca said, referring to being a daughter in a lesbian family.

Jackie nodded seeming to accept the answer, at least for now. Jackie sometimes mentally kicked herself for not spending enough time with Rebecca. Her daughter just had such an active social life, and her work kept her busy all the time. It was difficult, and she hadn’t really thought of the effects that her relationship with Vanessa would cause with their daughter.

“Just wondering,” Jackie said, throwing a friendly smile across the car to try and diffuse the situation.

Rebecca nodded, but felt relieved when the car turned the corner and she saw her friends house. Music was pounding, and high school kids were walking around the front lawn and Jackie could see people dancing through the living room window. Parents must be gone, and she really hoped that a noise complaint wasn’t called on this place.

Jackie stopped not too far from the house, though far enough that no one would be able to really see her inside the car. Rebecca took off her seatbelt, before looking over at Jackie.

“Listen, if you need to get bailed out of anything, I’ve got my cell phone on me, and I’ll come pick you up. Okay?” Jackie said.

“Okay. Thanks for the ride,” Rebecca said, opening the door and stepping out of the car.

“See you tomorrow. Love you,” Jackie said to her daughter’s back.

Rebecca turned, and smiled at her mother.

“Love you too Jackie,” she said before closing the door and walking to the party.

“I dropped her off, and am heading for the night. I’ll be home around midnight or one in the morning,” Jackie said into her cell phone.

“Sounds good honey. I’ll be waiting for you, and since we got the house to ourselves tonight… I’m planning a special something for you,” Vanessa replied over the phone, her voice a sultry purr.

Jackie smiled to herself, finding herself looking forward to a night alone in the bedroom with her wife. Something she missed from before having Rebecca.

“See you tonight sweety,” Jackie said in return.

Rebecca’s body moved to the music. The smell of marijuana filled the room, and booze made her head dizzy. She laughed as she danced, enjoying herself, drinking cups of drinks offered to her and feeling herself get ever more drunk as time went on.

Diana danced with her for awhile, the two laughing before finally collapsing on a couch, their heads spinning.

“So Chad just got here,” Rebecca said excitedly, running her tongue over her crimson painted lips.

“Yeah, and Denise has been watching you all night,” Diana said, nodding her head over to the other side of the room.

Rebecca looked, and saw the auburn haired girl. Her glasses perched on her small nose, face dotted with freckles, but she was quite cute. Unfortunately, she had a huge crush on Rebecca, and wasn’t afraid to let it show. Her hopes were that since Rebecca had lesbian parents, she’d be into girls.

Rebecca bit her lip as she spotted the girl. Seeing her just made her confused. She liked boys, she’d slept with a few, but as soon as a girl came on the scene, her head just gets a little warped.

Denise saw Rebecca looking and smiled, offering a little wave.

“Jesus… if I get stuck alone with her,” Rebecca said, knowing that in her current state, anything could happen. Her fear was that she’d like it.

“Don’t worry I’ll try and bail you out in case anything happens,” Diana said.

“Thanks,” Rebecca said, standing up, and starting to look for Chad.

Constable David Wilcox leaned back in the passenger seat of the police cruiser looking down the road. Jackie steered carefully through the back roads of the country side, her ear attuned to the radio, listening for anything, and also listening for her cell phone to ring.

“Thank god for quiet nights,” David said, cracking his neck.

“Yeah. Though I don’t mind a little action,” Jackie said turning a corner.

“You’re just a regular adrenaline junkie though,” David said with a small laugh, and Jackie could only reply with a shrug.

“Regardless. I want a quiet night tonight,” David said leaning back in his seat.

Then the radio crackled, and the dispatcher’s voice came through. David sat forward, frowning. Jackie kept her eyes on the road, still listening.

“Cruiser 326, A call of a domestic disturbance was called in for 190 Pine St.,” the female dispatcher said.

Jackie grabbed the microphone for the radio, and pressed the button.

“326 on the way,” she said, turning down a road that would take her quickly to the suburbs.

The night was starting to blur. People were talking, dancing, and Rebecca wasn’t entirely sure what was going on around her. She laughed, almost not even hearing herself. She was talking to someone, and they offered her water. They were standing very close, and she liked them so close, wanted them closer.

After a few minutes, her head started to clear just a little.

Before her was Denise. She was standing with her face just a few inches from Rebecca’s. She was saying something, but Rebecca’s head still wasn’t focusing properly. She felt Denise’s hand on her lower back, holding her close. Rebecca blinked just as Denise started to lean in, eyes closing.

Their lips touched in a soft kiss.

Rebecca felt heat rush to her face. She enjoyed the softness of the other girl’s lips, felt her own mouth opening to let her tongue in. She didn’t know if she wanted this, or was even controlling herself. She liked it, but it frightened her.

After what seemed like eternity, but could have been a mere few minutes, Rebecca pushed Denise away, shaking her head.

“No. This isn’t what I want. I’m sorry,” Rebecca said, and ducked away, leaving Denise standing in the hall confused and hurt, her eyes watering as she slid slowly down the wall.

Rebecca stumbled about the room, and out the back door into the chill night of the air. She walked across the grass and stared into the woods behind the house, listening to the sounds of everyone having a great time as she slowly sank to her knees, feeling tears run down her face.