The entire cantina stood around a large casket; Data standing at the podium giving the eulogy.

“He was a good friend, some of us didn’t know him until after other friends of his caliber, but others knew him first. While it took many to make him what he became, and centuries for him to develop, it took only a few years to kill him, and a few to do the deed.” Data swallowed, and blinked back the tears. “He shall always be remembered, and by many, respected.” Bowing his head, Data stepped of the podium and looked into the casket.

“Why are you doing this?” Kip quipped. “I mean, your natural language is Gaelic.”

“Because I feel like it is needed.” Data nodded at Dax, who then pulled out a kazoo and started playing “Amazing Grace” on it as the casket lid closed over a dictionary and grammar book. Ropes appeared and lowered it into a hole that gaped in the floor and then was covered with a capstone reading – They Killed English! Those Shuttas!

Data turned and cried on Zif’s shoulder while the red head looked on, wondering what to do with the blubbering immortal.

Irish knew what he was thinking. “I have an idea.”

--

Weeks passed, and Data still crouched in front of the huge capstone, sobbing. Irish stepped up behind him and tapped his shoulder. “We have a gift for you.”

“What?” Data sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye.

“The guilty parties.” The Ninja explained as he pointed out the window.

Data blinked as he peered out, it seemed like an army was waiting, an army in chains, all using improper grammar as they shouted. He heard a cough and turned, seeing Odo standing there, another person in chains blinking, speaking broken English.

“Mister Fizban told me to ask you what I do with this one.” The Changeling explained.

Data peered at the fellow. “Who is this?”

“Gandob.”

Data broke into a wide grin. “Keep him from what ever you do to the others. He made English laugh. He is excused.” Odo nodded and unchained Gandob and walked off with him for a drink as an apology.

“What are you doing with those out there? Who are they?”

“4Chan and about half the internet.” Virvel muttered, she didn’t want part of what was to come.

“And you can do what ever you want.” Zif added.

An evil glint broke into Data’s eye. “Space them.”

In Memory of the English Language

C. 500 AD – 2008 AD