Complicated.

I hate that word.

Its what someone says to you if they don’t want to have to explain something. Its what guys say when they want to break up. Its just-

Its everything I hate. And, at the moment, it describes my life perfectly.

I guess I should start at the beginning, shouldn’t I? Yeah, that would make sense. Maybe stop the confusion and such…

Okay, here’s a way to describe it. Have you ever heard the song You Belong With Me, by Taylor Swift? If you haven’t, here are the lyrics. That’s all that’s important anyway.

You're on the phone with your girlfriend
She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cuz she doesn't get your humor like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do'

But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer Captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see,
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say your fine
I know you better than that
Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

She wears high heels
I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know
Baby...
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh'
I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time
How could you not know
Baby...
You belong with me
You belong with me

You belong with me...

Have you ever thought just maybe...
You belong with me

You belong with me...

Anyway, that’s the way it was with me and my best friend, Kevin. Our families had been friends since before we were born, and the two of us had been completely inseparable. Then, in our senior year of high school, he started dating Tanya.

I never liked Tanya, and Sam, my other best friend, is finally the one who explained why. I liked Kevin. As more than my best friend.

A lot more, actually.

But he continued to date Tanya. All senior year, and then halfway through our freshman year of college.

When we graduated high school, Kevin, Sam, James (Sam’s boyfriend), and I all got a small house together. Kevin’s parents were…very well off, so they gave it to him as a graduation gift. But Tanya was always there. She almost never went home.

Kevin was a different person around Tanya. He never laughed, he didn’t even smile. He just…followed her around, never did anything that she wouldn’t like. And then, when she would go off and flirt with someone else, or yell at him for talking to me, he would always come to me, knowing I was the only one that could stop him from crying. The only person that could make him feel better.

Then, finally, halfway through our freshman year, Kevin finally broke it off with her. After he caught her making out with another guy at a party.

He was crushed, truthfully, but I couldn’t have been happier. I just didn’t let him know it. He and I were together constantly the next two months, and I thought, maybe, that he had finally started to feel the way I feel.

Especially since we ended up sleeping together.

And, that morning, when I woke up in his bed, I thought that things had finally fallen into place. That he and I would be able to talk, and I could finally tell him how I felt.

I had stared at him that morning, at his toned body, his dark hair that was currently in disarray, the even breathing of his chest. He was so beautiful. I had never seen anyone more beautiful.

I couldn’t bring myself to wake him, so I slowly got out of his bed, throwing on my clothes. I then went into the room Sam and I shared. The house had three bedrooms, and Sam and I were the ones who shared. But Sam was usually in James room, so it didn’t really matter.

But that morning, when I got out of the shower and walked into my room, Sam was sitting on her bed, a huge smile on her face. “So…James and I heard something last night.”

I couldn’t keep the blush off of my cheeks. “Uh…”

She squealed, jumping off of the bed and running to me. I was easily a head taller than her, but I could never have that much energy. It was like her petite body was packed with it. “Finally! We’ve been waiting for this forever!” She said, jumping up and down with her arms still wrapped around me. “I know, lets go get everyone Starbucks and talk before you talk to Kevin!”

I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face as Kevin’s name was mentioned. She laughed loudly, grabbing me my arm and pulling me out of the house.

I barely had to say anything that day, she did all of the talking. But then, everything went to hell.

We were laughing, each holding coffee and a bag of various muffins and such, and then Sam opened the front door.

And there, on the couch, was Kevin and Tanya. He had yet to put on a shirt, just a pair of pajama pants, and his arms were wrapped around her. She was kissing his neck.

I gasped, a sound that made both of them turn around. Kevin’s face showed his shock, but he didn’t let his arms fall. If anything, he held her tighter. “Taylor-”

I shot him a look that made him cut off mid sentence, then pushed past Sam and made my way into my room. I saw Sam giving him looks that usually made people run away, but she followed me. James was already in our room, knowing something was going to happen.

“She showed up about half an hour ago.” He told us, as Sam came over and sat beside him. He instantly wrapped an arm around her waist, but his eyes were fixed on me. The anger was clear in his voice. “I tried to call both of you, but Sam’s phone was off and you left yours here.”

I nodded, setting the coffee down on the desk and sitting on my bed. Then, I lowered my head into my hands and cried.

James and Sam were at my side instantly, both of them rubbing my back and saying nice things. But I didn’t care.

It was later that same night that Kevin slid into my room. I was reading, trying to get my mind off of him. Off of everything.

“Taylor.” Kevin said softly, coming over towards my bed.

I instantly dropped the book, jumping off of my bed. “What do you want?” I asked, my voice cold.

Kevin flinched. He’d heard me use that tone before, but not with him. Never with him. “Please, just let me explain.”

“What is there to explain?” I snapped, taking another step away from him. Being this close was doing crazy things to my senses- senses I needed to keep.

“Tanya is three months pregnant.” Kevin said, his dark grey eyes practically pleading with me to understand. “Its my baby.”

I felt the tears come into my eyes, a burning sensation in my throat. Pregnant? Oh my god…

“Taylor, I have to. Its my kid.” Kevin said, his voice chocked. “It doesn’t matter what we- I mean, Tanya wants us to-”

I held up my hand, and he instantly stopped babbling. “Get out.” I said softly, trying as hard as possible to keep the tears from falling.

But Kevin had been my best friend for the last nineteen years. He saw through me instantly. “Taylor.” He said softly, taking a step towards me. I looked up into those dark grey eyes, only to see them swimming in his tears.

“no.” I said, backing away. “Please. Get out.”

Kevin froze, his jaw clenching. He was trying not to cry. I knew that look- I had seen it countless times when he was dating Tanya. “Taylor, you’re still my best friend. I need you now.”

I flinched at the word. Best friend. “No.” I said, my voice clear. “You cant really expect that to- no. I cant do that.” I said, shaking my head. “I just- cant.”

He stared at me a moment, some of the tears leaking out of his eyes. But I didn’t move, didn’t try to comfort him. Why should I? He stared at me only a moment longer, than turned and walked out of my room, shutting the door gently behind him.

That was three months ago. Now its July, summer between freshman and sophomore year. I still lived with them, but things were different. We were no longer always together. I mean, Sam and James would go out with Kevin, or they would go out with me, but never all of us together. They always stayed with me when Kevin went out with Tanya- they didn’t like her anymore than I did.

Kevin and I avoided each other at all costs. Kevin was almost always with Tanya now, so it wasn’t really that hard. He came home at night, and I made sure I was in my room. He left around noon everyday, so I was always gone by then.

A little childish, but it worked.

I got a job at that same Starbucks I had gone to that day. I actually worked often, so that also helped with everything. Sam and James always tried to help me as much as possible, but I knew they were getting annoying.

But every time I saw Kevin, my heart started to pound and I felt that burning in my throat once again. I would instantly get far away from him, then burst into tears. I couldn’t help it. I knew it wasn’t healthy…

“Taylor, are we going to go home this weekend?” Sam asked, coming into our room and falling onto the bed. I glanced over at her, seeing her dark brown hair on her pillow and her brown eyes were gazing at me.

“Uh-”

“We haven’t gone to see our parents in months.” Sam pointed out, sitting up and looking at me. “We should-”

“I have to work.” I reminded her, gesturing to the calendar that had my work schedule on it. Sam looked at it, clearly annoyed to see that I worked all weekend. “But- its my sisters birthday.” She whined.

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “then you and James go. I can stay home alone, you know.” I said sarcastically.

Now Sam looked uncomfortable. “Well, that’s the thing. Um, Kevin cant go either and I just didn’t want-”

“I have avoiding Kevin down to an art form.” I told her, my voice perfectly calm. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

Now Sam looked really uncomfortable. “Taylor, there is another thing. Something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. Something I think you need to think about.”

I instantly felt dread. Why was she shifting her gaze away from me? “What is it?”

“Well, technically, this is Kevin’s house.” She said softly, biting her lip. “And Tanya has been bugging him to let her move in. He keeps putting it off because he knows how it would upset you.” I felt my teeth start to hurt. I didn’t notice how hard I was clenching my jaw. “And then, there would be six of us in the house- when the baby comes. And that’s only in two months.”

“You want me to move out?” I asked her, knowing instantly where this was going.

Sam looked uncomfortable again. “Um, well, I mean, how awful would it be for you to see Kevin with Tanya everyday? Living together, in the same room? And then, when the baby comes, seeing him with a family-”

“I get it.” I said harshly.

“And James and I don’t have money, I mean, we don’t have jobs. We just go to school full time since Kevin’s parents pay for everything-”

“I get it.” I said once again, flatly.

Sam stood, a huge frown on her face. “Taylor, don’t be mad. Please don’t be, you’re my best friend-”

“I get it.” I said once again, then looked at the clock. “Uh, I’m going to be late for work. I should go.”

Sam tried to protest, but I walked out of the door quickly, walking towards the front door. As I walked outside, I saw Kevin’s car pull up, right beside my own car. Tanya glared at me from the front passenger seat, Kevin turned off the car and got out quickly. He stared at me, blinking. “You- have a job?” He asked, his voice sounding slightly amazed as he looked at my Starbucks apron.

“Yes.” I snapped, opening my car door.

“Taylor-”

I didn’t listen to him, just slammed my car door shut and took off towards work.