Chapter 2 (Heaven) – Identity Crisis

Sorority recruitment is like speed-dating on crack.

It is an experience unlike any other, one that you never really forget. It is also an experience you never want to repeat.

As I learned my first year of being an Alpha, being the top house and taking the ‘best’ girls with the most potential means taking the prettiest, skinniest, and most plastic girls out of the groups of potential new members. Recruiting new pledge classes is all about maintaining the sorority’s reputation, so if a girl isn’t pretty/skinny/bitchy enough, she’s not going to be asked back.

In other words, sorority recruitment is really messed up.

The good thing is that the second time around, I know what I’m doing. I know exactly what to say and how to act to get a bid card from the Alpha Beta Chis again.

The bad thing is that I have to go through recruitment again as Lindsay Ford.

Lindsay freaking Ford!

This is one of the most important days of my Alpha Beta Chi presidential career, and I don’t even get to experience recruitment as President! What if Lindsay completely messes up and all the potential new members decide maybe Alpha Beta Chi isn’t as great as, say, those slutty Tri-Chis and we end up not fulfilling quota for the first time since Alpha was established at this school – or even worse, we get a really ugly or skanky pledge class? Then everyone will blame me for tarnishing Alpha Beta Chi’s reputation and I’ll go down in history as the worst Alpha president ever. Shayna Marks would turn everyone against me and try to stage a coup d’état. And what’s worse is that I won’t even have a chance to defend myself, because it’s really Lindsay in my body, messing up my sorority.

If Laura were here, she would tell me that I’m being shallow and overly dramatic. That it would not be my fault if anything bad happens this year. But even if it’s not my fault, I still can’t let anything bad happen. I can’t take any chances. I was entrusted with leading the Alphas and preserving the reputation and sisterhood. This is my sorority, my responsibility.

As if it weren’t already bad enough that I woke up in Miss Holier-than-Thou’s body in some cluttered, strangely decorated room. Now I don’t even know how long I’m going to be stuck as Lindsay Ford! A few hours? Days? Months? The rest of my life?

One thing’s for sure: I cannot be stuck in the awkwardly proportioned body of Lindsay Ford for the rest of my life. I looked in her closet. She doesn’t even have cute clothes; much less own a pair of heels. I tried to make the best of today’s outfit using what Lindsay has to work with, but I can’t really say much for myself. Or herself. Meaning Lindsay. Or whoever I am right now. Who am I, by the way?

I need to focus. I need to keep in mind that I cannot let everything I have worked so hard for go down the drain. Today I will get through recruitment being Lindsay, but as soon as today is over, we’re getting to the bottom of this. I don’t know how this can possibly be happening. How can I go to sleep as Heaven Holdbrooks one night and wake up the next morning as Lindsay Ford, my former best friend turned sworn enemy? And how can it feel so real?

I am already annoyed as I march up to the registration booth and wait for Chrissy Sarkissian to give me a clipboard with the form so I can sign up. Instead, her mouth drops open as I approach her and she continues to gape at me with incredulity when I stand in front of her expectantly.

I roll my eyes. I never liked her anyway. I don’t know how this stupid Tri-Chi ever got to be Panhellenic President. “I’m going to start charging if you don’t stop staring,” I drawl.

Chrissy looks taken back and then straightens up. “What the hell are you doing here, Lindsay? I thought you were above all this… what did you call it?”

“I believe the phrase was ‘stupid sorority shit’,” I supply, remembering all the times I’ve heard Lindsay speaking out against sororities on campus. ‘Stupid sorority shit’ is her favorite phrase.

Damn. That is the one crucial fact everyone knows about Lindsay – she hates the entire Greek system. Last year she even went so far as to go to the Dean of Students with a petition to ban sororities and fraternities. The Dean happens to be a former Greek, so it wasn’t like Lindsay ever had a chance. But a lot of people were pretty pissed that she even tried, and I can tell Chrissy wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

“I had a change of heart,” I say evenly. “If almost a quarter of students on our campus have gone Greek, there must be a good reason for it, right?”

Chrissy laughs. “Are you kidding me? What are you really trying to do, Ford? Do you think you can ruin recruitment weekend single-handedly? I’ll sic campus security on you. I can do that, you know. I’m Panhellenic President.”

I resist the urge to snort out loud at this, as it would be highly unladylike. But really? Oh, like campus security is really supposed to scare me. I can’t stand Chrissy Sarkissian. She thinks just because she’s president of all the sororities on campus she’s tough. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s still a slutty Tri-Chi. It doesn’t make her any more powerful or even likeable than me. But I should not have forgotten that Lindsay would be public enemy number one. I need to do damage control before Chrissy can ban me from recruitment altogether.

“Listen, Chrissy,” I say, trying to make Lindsay sound as sugary sweet as possible. “Don’t Panhellenic rules state that recruitment is open to everyone?”

“It’s open to everyone who has genuine interest in joining!” she corrects snootily. “And I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but I’m not going to let it happen!”

Oh, for the love of…seriously?

“If you make this difficult for me I’m going to tell all your little Tri-Chi sisters that you were once an overweight loser with frizzy hair, a major overbite, and thick glasses, no one liked you, and you’re still that fat girl deep down.”

This blow is way below the belt, and normally I would never even consider resorting to such petty tactics, but I know it’s necessary for my best interests. As I’ve learned, there are just some things you have to do and people you have to hurt to get to the top and get what you want.

“How do you know about that?” Chrissy says, alarmed.

Hah! I didn’t. I almost smirk and give her my patented, “I’m Heaven Holdbrooks, I know everything.” However, I remember that I’m still Lindsay Ford – it wouldn’t have the same effect.

“Doesn’t matter,” I hear myself – or rather, Lindsay’s voice – say smoothly. “Now give me a clipboard so I can sign up.”

Grudgingly, she hands me a clipboard and a pen. “I’m watching you!” she cries warningly as I walk away to fill it out.

Please. As if anyone could ever stop Heaven Holdbrooks from doing anything.

Somehow, I manage to make it through six recruitment parties unscathed, each one just as excruciatingly painful as the last. My seventh and last party happens to be at the Alpha Beta Chi house, and I am lucky enough to get paired off with Laura for a few minutes before another girl swoops in to talk to me. See what I mean about sorority recruitment being like speed dating on crack? Just when you finally start to have a decent conversation with someone, you have to move on to someone else. And just like that, thirty minutes goes by and you’ve talked to at least seven different girls from the sorority. How are they even supposed to remember you?

At the end of the last party, I manage to spot myself – which is really disconcerting, I have to tell you. Lindsay, in my body, makes her way to the front doors and thanks my recruitment group for coming and I hear my own voice hoping that we all enjoyed ourselves. And just like that, we are all ushered out. Kimmy Jenkins, who I have been talking to for the past three minutes, walks me out and says she honestly hopes I’ll come back because I remind her so much of someone she knows – but she can’t place it. Which is kind of funny. Kimmy Jenkins is my little sister in the sorority. It surprises me that she hasn’t picked up on it yet.

As soon as all the girls in my group are outside, they all start talking.

“Ohmigod, they’re all so, so, so pretty and so nice!”

“They’re my favorite sorority so far!”

“Their President is SO pretty! She asked me if I wanted water. I hope that means I’m getting asked back!”

Well, I have to smile to myself. Lindsay hasn’t managed to completely ruin recruitment yet. Alpha Beta Chi is still the highest preferred house and we’re obviously still on top.

We all fill out our preference sheets, ranking our top three sororities and indicating our bottom three, and turn them in. Slowly, everyone begins to disperse and I finally have a moment to myself. I wander off towards the Alpha house, waiting for Lindsay.

I still can’t believe this is actually happening. I thought people only switched bodies in movies like Freaky Friday. I would love to think that this is a result of staying up late to prepare for recruitment, but I’ve never known anyone to have delusions as vivid and real as this. And this isn’t a dream, either. This is all too real. The confusion and annoyance I’m feeling is definitely not a figment of my imagination.

Finally, I see myself come out of the Alpha house, flanked by Laura and surrounded by four or five other Alphas. I cringe seeing Lindsay in my body, uncomfortably wobbling around on those heels. I know for a fact I have never looked that awkward in a pair of heels in my life. But at least no one seems to have noticed anything wrong.

I need to get her away from the girls now, so the best way would be to call her. So I whip out her Blackberry and dial, hoping to the heavens that she has my phone on her.

Yes! I see myself – or rather, Lindsay - slow down and fumble with the zipper on the purse she’s carrying. God, she’s making me look so awkward! Luckily, the other girls haven’t noticed and continue walking towards the parking lot to leave for a quick dinner.

“You guys go ahead,” I hear my voice – my real voice – tell the other girls. “I just have to do some…errands.”

Suspicious behavior, much?

However, none of the other girls seem to think this is weird and all continue to move on, except for Laura. Of course Laura would notice. I would resent her if she didn’t.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Laura asks.

God, no. Make up some excuse, fast, Lindsay!

“Oh no, you should go eat with the other girls,” Lindsay says, raising my voice an octave. I can detect the panic and fervently hope that Laura lets this go. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Laura’s voice is full of concern. “Don’t take offense to this, but I noticed you’ve been a little uncomfortable the whole day.”

“It’s just the stress of recruitment getting to me, that’s all. Don’t worry about me,” Lindsay tells her. “Really.”

I can’t tell if Laura is actually buying this, but finally she nods and says, “Okay, but call me if you need my help with anything, ‘kay? I’ll see you back at the house at nine-thirty!”

As soon as Laura is out of sight, I come out from where I’ve been waiting.

“Lindsay!” I hiss. “Over here!”

It’s really freaky, seeing yourself in the flesh, from someone else’s point of view. I keep hoping that any moment now, I’ll wake up from this nightmare and discover I’m still me, real 34C boobs and all, despite what everyone else may think about the authenticity of the size of my chest.

Lindsay makes her way over to me, still trying to get the hang of walking in heels.

“You’re going to have to learn how to handle high heels,” I tell her as she gets closer. “You look awful.”

“I’ve been standing in these all day. Don’t you ever wear flats or something more comfortable?” Lindsay grumbles.

She’s spared my retort because in the distance, I hear Chrissy Sarkissian’s unmistakable hee-hawing that closely resembles that of a donkey – well, most people would call it Chrissy’s laughter – and remember one of the most important rules of recruitment: no fraternizing with potential new members outside of recruitment hours. If Chrissy saw me with Lindsay right now, she would so accuse me – the President of Alpha Beta Chi – of dirty rushing. And there is no way I’m letting that girl ruin recruitment for me, much less my presidency.

“Quick, we’ve got to hide!” I whisper, grabbing her arm and ducking down behind a set of bushes. “Can’t let Chrissy see us.”

Lindsay follows my example and crouches down next to me, almost toppling over because she still can’t maintain her balance on the heels. “Chrissy Sarkissian?” she whispers back. “Man, I hate that bitch.”

“Language!” I say automatically, even though no one else is around to hear us. “But for the record, so do I.”

“Good to know we agree on something,” Lindsay replies.

We agree on something. Who would have known that after nearly three years of being on opposing sides, Lindsay Ford and Heaven Holdbrooks would agree on disliking the same girl?

Chrissy and company’s footsteps march right past the Alpha Beta Chi house now, and I hear snippets of their conversation.

“I can’t believe the Alphas are still the number one house,” says one of the girls Chrissy is with.

“I know!” says another. “But I have to admit, they’re all really pretty and down to earth. Except for Shayna Marks. I don’t know how that girl ever got to be an Alpha.”

“Did you just compliment the Alpha Beta Chis?” I hear Chrissy say snidely, and it makes my blood boil. She’s just holding a grudge still because she didn’t get a bid from us when she went through recruitment. “What did I say about the Alpha Beta Chis, Roxanne?”

A girl, whom I’m assuming to be Roxanne, sighs heavily. “They’re fake, plastic bitches who will sleep with anyone to get what they want.”

I bite my lip and grip Lindsay to stop myself from getting up right now and telling Chrissy who the real fake, plastic bitches are. But I can’t. I still have a reputation to uphold, Chrissy is still Panhellenic president, and I’m still stuck in Lindsay’s body. There’s no way that could end well. So instead, I’m forced to stay where I am and wait until their footsteps are so far away we can’t hear them anymore.

“My car keys should be in the purse,” I tell Lindsay. “Let’s get out of here before someone else walks by!

“Where are we going?” she wants to know, trying and failing to keep up with me as I speedwalk to my car.

“To see Stella,” I say.

“And who exactly is Stella, and how is she going to help us?”

This girl asks way too many questions. Why can’t she just take my orders and follow them?

“My psychic,” I say, snatching the keys out of her hand to unlock the car. I click the remote twice and slide into the passenger’s side of my Lexus. “Oh, and you’re driving. I never drive.”

I’m expecting Lindsay to point out the fact that since she’s me right now, and people know I never drive, that it’ll look suspicious. But she still looks incredulous as she gets behind the wheel without so much as a complaint.

“You have a psychic?” she says, flabbergasted. “I should have known.”

And then she starts laughing like a madwoman.

“You laugh at me for having a psychic,” I tell Lindsay as we approach Stella’s shop, “But I know she would know everything about this kind of freaky stuff.”

Lindsay is still chortling when I pull open the door and am immediately hit by a breeze of cool air that smells of lavender. Her laughter subsides and she sobers as soon as she feels the cold draft of air.

“What the hell…” she murmurs.

I lead us to the back, where Stella is sitting behind a stereotypical table, sans crystal ball, with her eyes close. I almost think she’s taking a nap, but as soon as we are within five feet of her, her eyes snap open. I instinctively take a step back because her eyes look even wilder than usual.

“Miz Heaven,” Stella says, her shaky voice directed at me, “I sense that you are not yourself tonight.”

I roll my eyes. She can say that again. But Lindsay nudges me and quickly says, “Hello Stella.”

Stella’s eyes dart over at Lindsay, standing before her in my body, and she shakes her head. “No, you are not Heaven Holdbrooks,” she says. And then her eyes move back to me, as Lindsay, “You are.”

I see Lindsay widen her – my – eyes in surprise, and there are alarms going off in my head. How does Stella know I’m in Lindsay’s body? How did she figure it out? And if she knows this much, then surely she’d know how to switch us back!

“You’re right, Stella,” I say slowly. “We’re trying to figure out how this happened, and I was hoping you could help switch us back.”

“No, child,” Stella says gravely. She closes her eyes once more, as if in deep meditation. “This is beyond my power.”

“Yeah, because you’re a fraud,” I hear Lindsay mutter under her breath. Thank goodness Stella doesn’t appear to hear that remark.

“What do you mean this is beyond your power? You knew that I wasn’t in my own body!” I point out anxiously, sensing a massive tsunami of panic rising in me. “You must know why this happened to us!”

“I sense unfinished business,” Stella says, eyes still closed. “Unresolved differences. A friendship, broken. The spirits insist that you must reconcile before you can be your true self.”

I feel my brows furrow in confusion, and I can tell Lindsay’s just as confused. She’s alluding to our old friendship, which she never could have known about, because I never told her any of that. But if what she’s saying is true, then the only real way for me to get back to my body and my real self is to settle my differences with Lindsay once and for all. I’m not about to do that.

“So you mean we’re stuck as each other until we fix our friendship?” Lindsay asks, reaching the same conclusion I did. Stella nods. “Aren’t there any other alternatives?”

I nod in agreement, gazing at Stella hopefully, wishing she would say yes.

“No,” Stella says firmly, finally opening her eyes. They settle on me again. “That is the only way. Now, you girls should leave before I start charging you for my time.”

I blink and nod, thanking Stella as Lindsay and I numbly make our way out. As soon as we are out the door, Lindsay starts ranting, just like I had a feeling she would the moment I suggested going to see Stella.

“You don’t seriously believe her, do you?” she begins. “All that mumbo jumbo about the spirits and how she senses things - it sounded like a lot of bs if you ask me. She probably made all that shit up because she just wants us to keep coming back to her for help. Then she’ll start charging us for her time, because that’s all she wants – our money! I can’t believe we just wasted our time in there. She’s probably not even a real psychic.”

I wait for her to finish before I quietly drop the bombshell. “Lindsay, I never told her anything that happened between us. Stella doesn’t have any idea who you are. She wouldn’t know anything about ‘unresolved differences’ because I’ve never talked about them to her.”

“So you believe her? What if she made all of that up and just happened to get it right?”

“What are the chances of that?” I point out. “Look, I know you don’t believe in psychics or anything like that, but I’m telling you. Stella could be right.”

“Then we’re stuck as each other indefinitely,” says Lindsay. “Assuming Stella is right, which I doubt she is.”

“We have to look at the worst case scenario,” I tell her. “That’s the worst case. Any other situation would be much better.”

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to wake up as you again,” says Lindsay. ”This morning was bad enough.”

“Um, try waking up as you and looking in a mirror,” I counter.

And then, for no apparent reason at all except for the fact that we are both having an identity crisis and going completely insane, we both start laughing together. And once we start, we just can’t seem to stop.

The sooner I get out of Lindsay Ford’s body, the better. I do not want to be stuck in her body forever.

“I keep hoping that tomorrow we’ll wake up as ourselves and we’ll chalk this up to be a twisted nightmare gone horribly wrong,” Lindsay says once we’ve managed to control ourselves and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. “It could still happen right?”

For the second time in an hour, I nod in agreement with her. I really hope she’s right.

A/N: So many apologies for the long, long wait. This chapter should have been up awhile ago, but the truth is, I wrote half of it and just couldn’t seem to finish writing the second half until this morning. As in it is 4am where I live, and I just spend the past 2 hours finishing up this chapter. Finally.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed/favorited thus far and shown your support! Again, I know that the whole switching bodies idea isn’t exactly an original concept, but this will not be a predictable story (or so I hope). This story will be longer than Taking Down Tanner, but definitely not as long or dragged-out as For the Love of the Game, if you have read either/both of those. So we're looking at less than 30 chapters, but definitely more than 20.

Please review if you have any comments or questions! I'd love to know how how you feel about the story early on so I know what to keep in mind when writing future chapters. Also, please let me know if you see any grammatical errors or typos, as I never seem able to catch all of them, even if I proofread it three times! Can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up - sorry, dears.