The novelty of leaving home died within the first few hours. We caught a bus to the Sunshine Coast at midday and sat in McDonalds in our swimsuits, as both of us had forgotten to pack sunscreen. My cash bought us a couple of thirty-cent cones, a cheap motel room down the road, and a joint. When the sun began to set and Chris realised we didn’t know anybody locally who could buy us alcohol, we took our backpacks up to the room and collapsed on one of the twin beds. She lit up immediately and passed to me.

Choking on the sweet smoke, I tried to clear my mind like she'd told me to. "Are you scared?" I asked her as she took a hit.

"Not even close." Her eyelids lowered. "Just roll with it. Hey... we'll look out for each other," she said, speaking slowly. Or was she? "We're going to be so happy together Jodie!"

I hardly knew what she was saying. My thoughts were becoming too loud inside my head and my skin was numb, so I made my way to the bathroom. I took off my clothes and lay in the bath tab, cocooned within the dark ring of other people’s filth. I don't know how long I was there before Chris walked in to use the toilet. "I cannot feel the difference between the air and the water," I said. My voice sounded foreign and sad.

Chris laughed at me as she took another drag and pulled her tartan pants up. "That's because there’s no water in the tub, you loser."

For some reason this was insanely funny. Laughter echoed in my ears, as I sat in the empty bath, gradually acknowledging the cold beneath my bare skin. Chris sank to the floor beside me in a fit of uncharacteristic giggles, and this made the situation even funnier. But the laughter stopped when she leant forward, eyes closed, for the kiss.

Her cold lip ring barely brushed my mouth when I pushed her away. "Chris! What the hell!"

She laughed again, with a hint of uncertainty. "Jodie... come on... it’s okay. You’re allowed to do this." One of her hands tilted my chin so I was looking directly into her milky-green eyes. I slapped it off me and those eyes widened in shock.

I leant over the edge of the tub and grabbed my clothes, pulling them over my head quickly and avoiding eye contact. My heart was threatening to burst from my chest. It was beating so violently I was sure she could hear it.

"I mean, I know you never said you felt the same way, but.." she stopped. I had put as much distance as I could between us in the small room. Suddenly her fist slammed into the wall. "You didn't have to, damn it!"

"Jesus, Chris!" I cried at the violent sound. She looked at me with narrowed eyes. Her eyeliner had smudged and created dark sinister shadows beneath her lashes, and her red hair was wild.

"I’m sorry. I can't handle this, I don’t want to," I murmured, walking out of the room.

I heard the sound of her heavy boots stumbling after me. "You know what?! Fuck you!" she screamed, half stoned and all angry. "I know you. I know you. But just piss off home, Princess, if you're too delicate for this." She stalked back into the bathroom and slammed the door.

I was still in a state of confusion, my brain racing to make sense of the situation. This is happening. This is happening. I could still feel her lips on mine, her hand on my face. "Chris..." There was a long silence and a flicker of fear ignited in my clouded mind. I could hear nothing but a faint buzz. "Christina? Are you still there?"

"Don't you ever call me that!" Her words seemed to come from far away but there was no mistaking the rage.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of hurting me but I knew that I had hurt her. Wordlessly, I collected my belongings and left the motel room.

"Jodie, wait, no. Come back," she mumbled after me from the doorway. I walked to the bus stop without looking back.

My mother hadn't noticed my absence and I collapsed into bed. Despite my exhaustion, I was wide awake. The marijuana had worn off almost completely but something large and frightening was emerging in my chest. Something unwelcome, something I wasn't prepared for was glowing its way from my chest to my throat and spilling hot tears from underneath my eyelids. I knew that if I didn't act upon it, if I denied these feelings to myself, I would lose that warmth forever.

But I chose to do nothing. I don't catch the train anymore.