CHAPTER: SEVENTEEN

When Reagan was younger he liked a girl and he would get so nervous he would hardly be able to get two words out when she was around. She had hair that reached passed her waist and a tikka in the middle of her head. He sat next to her for at least four months and he never talked to her. He wanted to, but he was so aware of the fact that he was ugly and she was probably looking at the zits on his face, or the way his limbs were always awkward. He would always dream about her and in his dreams he was able to do everything he wasn’t able to in reality.

Being a half of a twin didn’t pose much of an advantage to Reagan. Reagan always felt like he came out on the wrong end of the genetic pool. He had never seen Richard with a zit on his face, yet his face seemed to be covered in them. He was always insecure about it. He felt like Richard was a better version of him. As a result he never confided anything about his crush to Richard. He told his father instead who would always have the best advice for him, even thought Reagan wasn’t necessarily good at following the advice. One piece of advice his father would always give him was to find out what she likes. When it came to Neela he noticed that she loved her religion. Sometimes she would sit drawing Mother Lakshmi standing on her lotus. He wanted to draw her a picture but he couldn’t draw. He wanted to buy her a picture of Lakshmi but they were so expensive and his allowance wouldn’t cover it. The next best thing he would think of was making her diya. So he dug up some clay in the back yard and made one with his hands, paying close attention to detail. Once it was dry he painted it pink, because he knew it was her favorite colour. He left it to dry on the step and he sat there looking at it, thinking about what her reaction would be like when she got it.

“What’s that?” Richard asked him after returning from playing cricket with his friends.

“A diya,” he said

“Why is it pink?” he asked.

Regan didn’t want to admit that he made it for Neela so he just shrugged.

“Did you make it for Neela?” Ricard asked. “I know you like her… Darcy told me.”

“No… I don’t,” he said with a frown on his face.

“Aren’t you too old to be denying you have a crush on a girl?”

“But I don’t” Reagan said again. He couldn’t explain it but he was terrified that if Richard found out he would go after her.

“Then it’s too bad I told her.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

Reagan felt sick with nerves but he was still curious. “What did she say?”

“She said your face looks like a gravel road.” Reagan felt his heart sink to the floor. “Who cares what she thinks… I think she has lice anyway.”

-o-o-

Rose stood in front of the mirror and did a once over. With a black and white pinstripe skirt suit on and an inner silk blouse she thought she looked professional. Well, everyday she thought she looked professional. There was nothing about her attire that would suggest that she couldn’t be taken seriously. Which was why she was confused about the entire situation she found herself in the day before.

When she heard Mr Stewart wanted to see her she felt flattered. Not because she thought he liked her, but because she felt for the first time she was really doing her job the way it ought to be done and he was taking her seriously.

He didn’t try to hide the reason why he was there. He came with his offer right away and she had politely declined him and tried to steer him into the direction she wanted him to go. She tried to talk more about her project but all he did was move closer to her and eventually he grabbed her arm in a way that was possessive. She felt every inch of her body freeze. She paused for a moment and asked herself ‘is this really happening to me’.

But of courses it was happening and she had to get her self out of it. She pulled her arm away from him roughly as he attacked it and walked to the door and opened it wide.

He left without saying another word.

Rose stood there with her heart beating out of her chest, tying to hide how frazzled she was from Reagan. It wasn’t that big of a deal, he grabbed her arm. He didn’t assault her in the short time they had been in the office but she was scared, more than she would ever admit.

It was such a relief to see Reagan’s face. She felt safe knowing that she had him for a boss and would never have any reason to be that terrified with him.

She tried to put on a brave face for the rest of the afternoon but in the back of her mind she kept thinking about it.

It was only when Richard called her in the night and she heard about his horrible day, did she forget about what happened.

However as soon as she woke up it was the first thing she thought about. After all the hours had passed she decided she knew why he felt he could do that to her, why he didn’t take her seriously. It was because she didn’t deserve the job. He must have known somehow that she was grossly under-qualified. The only reason she got the job was because Richard told Reagan to hire her. So really she got the job because a man liked the way she looked. If she didn’t look the way she did, she wouldn’t have a job. But she knew if she was qualified then it wouldn’t matter how she looked. She would deserve it and she wanted to deserve it. She couldn’t get cozy, sitting on her comfy salary. She had a plan and she had to make sure it came to fruition.

-o-o-

Reagan sat in his office, trying to think of something other Rose. It had become worst since he declared he wouldn’t think about her. The only thing his mind could muster up other that Rose was Richard and all his inadequacies. He thought about his unwillingness to commit to anyone, the fact that he was a snob and he was selfish.

It was one thing to think about Richard being less than suitable for Rose but when ever his mind started to wander to the realm of him actually being better for her he would curse him self.

He knew what he was doing was wrong. Wasn’t there a commandment saying thou shouldn’t covet another man’s wife. Then again Rose wasn’t Richard’s wife, and she probably would never be. Richard would most likely never get married. He was a notorious womanizer. Reagan on the other hand, just needed a woman to show any sort of prolonged interest in him and he would be ready to get married. Up until he was twenty four women would look at him and cringe like they just swallowed something bitter. So when a woman looked at him like he was something desirable he felt good.

Almost every night he thought about her watching him. But he played it down to him just being a naked person… anyone would watch a naked person standing by a water fall. But after a while the idea began to creep in his head that she was watching him and maybe if it had been anyone else she would have looked away.

Reagan closed his eyes and tried to forget about it. He couldn’t be thinking about this by the time she reached to work. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself and as he released it there was a knock on the door. She didn’t wait for him to answer she entered.

“Good morning,” she said. “See I’m early today.”

“Congratulations,” he said looking away form her. It only took about five seconds for him to scan her entire appearance.

“So what’s your agenda like today?” she asked.

“Accounting… personal stuff.” He said.

“I can help you with that,” she offered.

He was horrible at mathematics or anything that had too many numbers in it but he thought about her being in his office for the entire day. “Um I think I can manage. I might send you home early today.”

“Oh great, I was actually going to ask you if I could leave early. I wanted to go to the university to pick up some applications forms and get some information.”

“You can do that online you know.”

She nodded. “I sort of wanted to get a feel of place also.”

He looked down at the book he was logging his expenses in. He didn’t want to look at her because he would have been smiling because he knew what she meant by wanting to get a feel of the place before she committed three years of her life to the institution. “I understand what you mean, I did the same thing.”

He could see her nodding even though his eyes were half way in the book. “Let me know if you need me for anything” she said and turned on her heel and walked out the office.

He let out a deep breath again, He could think about so many things he needed her for.

-o-

Rose walked into Reagan’s office with a smirk on her face almost an hour later. “That reporter wants to set up a meeting with you, do you want me to set it up.”

Reagan shook his head immediately. “No, I hate interviews. Give him William Armstrong’s number.”

Rose nodded and walked out the office. A few seconds later she walked back in. “He says he needs to talk with you specifically.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” he said pouting. Rose laughed at his reaction. It was like he turned into a three year old.

“How bad can it be?” she said.

“I hardly got two sentences out the last time,” he pointed out.

“But at least you looked adorable.” Reagan turned his eyes away from her. He could feel his cheeks straining as he tried to avoid smiling. “So what should I tell him?” she asked.

“Tell him I’m busy,” he said.

She nodded and walked out the room then walked back in again swinging her hands. “He says he’ll stop by to see if you have time to talk.”

“Now?” he asked.

She nodded.

He got up from his seat and collected a file he was looking at. “It’s a good thing we’re leaving now?” he said.

“Where are we going?”

“You said you needed to go the University didn’t you?”

“That’s after work,” she pointed out.

“We’ll go now. I’ll show you around the place.”

She laughed. “You must really hate giving interviews.”

-o-o-

The morning rush was over so traffic was low and the highway was basically clear.

“Have you decided what you’re going to major in yet?” he asked her just to make conversation.

“I told you,” she said teasingly. “Economics and I’ll do a minor in Mathematics.”

He shook his head. “Economics is hard,” Reagan pointed out. “I know someone who didn’t leave until their fifth year. I did my degree in three years.”

“I know it’s difficult but I’m good at it and…”

“But you’re also tall and beautiful does that mean you should be a model.” He didn’t even think before he said it. It came out like word vomit.

She blinked. “That’s only half true,” she said. “I am tall but, I’m not pretty enough to be a model so no, I wouldn’t want to be a model.”

“Do you know how difficult it is to grow a perfect Rose?” Regan asked her. He wised he would stop talking but for some reason he couldn’t stop himself. Usually when he spoke to women he couldn’t get a sentence out without stuttering halfway thought it. “People would dedicate so much of their time trying to cultivate this perfect Rose and it’s a pretty thing when it happens. But sometimes you find perfect Roses in the most unlikely of places.” He sighed and looked at the road because he didn’t want to give himself away. “We have Roses in our back yard at my father’s house and no one ever planted them there. My father always used to say that roses have no business being wild but when it happens it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Rose was quiet… and immediately he regretted that he said what he said. Maybe he crossed the line. He was afraid to look at her in case she confirmed what he thought. He felt almost sick with himself.

Then he heard her speak. “I think that’s the first time you ever complimented me, so I guess I should feel good about it.”

He looked at her then because he detected some sarcasm in her voice. He knew what it was right away. She wasn’t really the kind of person who wanted to be complimented on her looks, especially after what happened the day before, even though she shrugged it off. “I can think of hundreds of things I can compliment you on but this is the first one I felt brave enough to say… it’s not necessarily the most important.”

“I didn’t know it required bravery to tell someone they’re doing a good job.” She said and she pouted.

“For me it does,” he explained with his eyes moving between the road and Rose. He had no idea that it bothered her when he didn’t praise her for her good work. “I don’t say it but I’m happy I hired you.”

She finally broke a smile. “Well I’m happy it’s you that I work for. you’re the best boss I could have possibly asked for.”

Reagan turned to look at the clear straight road and tried to hide the fact that his face was turning red. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

A/n: I took forever and I’m sorry. I am so busy and tired these days but I’ll be without a computer for a while so I really wanted to give you guys this before. I’ve been working on it for a while now.

I hope you guys liked it.

So now you see where the title comes in and we know part of the reason why Reagan is so shy… he was an ugly duckling growing up…haha. Acne sucks, especially when you’re adult and you still have it. But Reagan doesn’t have it adult acne anymore. So he’s always happy to get compliments since he went without them for so long. I think that’s part of the reason why Richard and Reagan’s father always looked out for Reagan more because he felt Reagan needed it more.

And story in the beginning about Reagan’s first crush… what do you think about that.

This chapter was about explaining Reagan and his insecurities. I hope you guys liked those parts.

Oh and do you guys think Rose has feelings for Reagan.

Does this chapter lessen you opinion of Reagan in anyway.