I should've got to know you,

In this, I am sincere

I just wish I knew the way it'd be

As I write this, shattered, crying here

What would be so different?

What, I ask, would change?

Is this just you, the way you are?

Am I, for once, truly free of blame?

If you were just unknowing

When you lay next to him

Of the feelings I was showing

Then that'd be all neat and prim

Too bad I said I loved you

So early on the road

That knowledge did not help, at all,

Merely added to the load

Looking back, I think I lost it all, there

When I told you, let it go

You merely shut yourself up further

(Though I doubt you'll ever know)

Now you're setting up these boundaries

Just to know that they're intact

It's not true love you're looking for-

It's for proof true love's a fact

Another problem is that I

Am unable to believe

That if you truly knew me, as you do

You would not fall head first for me

I try so hard in all that I do

My intentions are only ever pure

And when I think I've got a grasp

Things change to something newer

Now with you it's the same way

I was rising up in our lovely breeze

Only to come face to face

With my one-winged opponent- 'ill-at-ease'

Then you caught me up and tripped me out

You broke my heart, again, you lout

Enraged, at once, and still I pout!

(Couldn't understand what you were all about!)

So I've said that I was not the one

To choose his way through paths unspun

But in each breath I find a way

To best discomfort and dismay

Maybe now, there'll come a reason

Or heck, the start of a new season

I just want you back, but there's no way-

What waits for me is plain-

Ego death, no new breaths,

And embracing one-way pain

Something must be done, most importantly,

About the cruel way you deal with me

Denying me what you claim is for friends

When the ones you splurge it on, you barely depend

Are you scared of being hurt, my friend?

Scared what I call 'love' is pretend?

These questions are silly, yes, I know

But they need to be asked at first open window

Because something is really wrong

Deep in the framework

Of this building too long

You try to act

Like this isn't your fault

But the truth is, while I'm open,

You're shut like a vault

So willing to talk

About things that you choose

But you close up like knife wounds

When the talk turns to you

You see, even unguarded

I try to push through

But when it's your time to show strength

You change, and it's true

I'm scared just to think

Of bringing this up

(But when laced in a poem

I'm recklessly tough)

Enough, now to end it

This million-word rant

It's making me anxious

And ill in my pants

Look, I could give you confirmation

But you shoot me down in a glance

Engaged in consternation,

We each stiffen this dance

Can it ever re-be

Now that it's this way?

I'd like you to call me

(I don't care what we say)