Pretty Ghosts by Mukku.

Reviews highly appreciated.

Fiction, Non-Fiction, Melodramatic

When she was young, a girl would lock the door and make a fort out of clean sheets. Then she would undress them until they were completely naked and kiss her. She held this girl and the others and was confused.

Her heart races and her head feels light and all she's doing is closing her eyes on his chest. She thinks about John and Yoko's Bagism and that it's inspired by The Little Prince. "One sees rightly only with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes." She doesn't question the powerful urge to lie down with him forever.

The night is cool as they take off clothes for the first time. Bugs bite their exposed skin and the tall grass scratches like teeth. Across the field is a city and sirens sound, making her nervous. She can't reveal every inch and is too embarrassed to make love, no matter how much she wants him to do just that with her.

She tells him about the girls. She waits for some kind of reaction and finds a quiet acceptance.

After prom, they undress each other. She shakes as she undoes the buttons on his shirt. She tries to hide herself under a cover. He tries to be gentle but it hurts and he can't do it. He can never hurt her. They take their time loosing their virginity, in months and a little at a time. She figures out she really loves him.

It's snowing outside the hospital. She's surprised at how clean his room smells. He smiles at her and looks so tired and frail. She sits next to him in his bed and she knows more than she has ever known that she loves him and will never stop.

She lies in bed with him, head on his chest and two worlds blur together. She is twelve. She is eighteen.

No matter how much attention he gives her and no matter what he does, she feels betrayed. It's both real and imagined and he says he needs a break. She breaks up with him. They don't see each other for months. She calls every day and some times they try to get back together but it doesn't last more than a few days. He says to stop calling him and that she's not making it any easier.

One too many sips of Sunkist and vodka and her speech started to slur and she couldn't think straight or stand up. Who took advantage of who is ambiguous. When she holds him she almost cries because she could swear she is visited by the only boy she ever loved.

He says it doesn't matter but she knows it does. It's all that's ever mattered and it transformed her. He won't say he wants her. She lets him go and doesn't call him the next day. She's not sure what the question was but the answer is "too late."

Later, he apologizes. She won't take his calls and tries not to love him. She doesn't feel everything.

He writes "I'll wait for you. However long it takes, I'll wait."

She cries a little but thinks it'll go away. Then one day she goes to one of his bookstores and falls apart. She believed he was there. Again, she was visited by the only boy she ever loved.

He's stopped writing her and calling, but she calls him and asks him to see her again. He says OK.

A thousand seconds is all it takes for her to want him in her life again. He is the love and touch that haunts her.