A/N: This is based on Scots Wha Hae (Scots Who Have) by Robert Burns, or rather the English version because I didn't feel up to the challenge of parodying it in the Scots dialect :p

Just search "Scots Wha Hae" on Wikipedia and you'll find both versions, plus the history of the song and lots of shiny links.

Drunks, who have with Strongbow bled

Drunks, whom with strangers have often laid,

Welcome to your drunken bed

Of insensibility!

Now is the morning, an unreasonable hour

Feel the pit of stomach lower

Feel approach foul Vomit's power

Projectile lechery!

Who will feel the headache's pain?

Who will turn and puke again?

Who's so base as to complain?

Let them turn and flee!

Who, beside the kitchen sink

Paracetamol with water shall drink

Bladders swell and bladders shrink

A bursting urge to pee!

By your stomach's woes and pains

By your friends in Smirnoff's chains

Alcohol flows throughout our veins

But through it we are free!

Lay the proud teetotalers low

Down each half-pint in one go

Stagger as your reflexes slow

The next round is on me!