Chapter V: Satisfaction Gone Awry

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“You know what I really just hate?” I suddenly asked.

“What?” Henry asked.

“He seemed genuinely interested.”

His eyebrows drew together in befuddlement. “What the hell are you talking about now, cuckoo?”

“Carter. I hate that he really seemed interested, he’d read anything and everything that I wrote just because, I thought that had to be a good sign... it had to mean something if he was so invested.”

“And what is it that you hate about that?”

I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. “I don’t know,” I weakly admitted, pouting. “I think it’s the fact that there were no signs... that there were no indicators that I can make sure to look out for next time... this time, even. I hate that he has the upper hand and probably always will...”

Henry shrugged. “He doesn’t have to.”

“I really loved him, you know?”

He raised both eyebrows, eyeing me critically. “And you’re sure that that feeling is supposed to be in the past tense?”

My back stiffened and I had to stop my jaw from dropping upon hearing that audacious question, maybe Carter wasn’t the only bastard out there after all. “Yes!” I shrieked and Henry winced at the sound.

“Just saying…”

“What?” I glared, jaw clenched.

“I’m just saying that you two were together a long time, college sweethearts and all that crap, it wouldn’t be a surprise if you did still love him in spite of the fact that you know you shouldn’t. It does happen, Dre.”

“Well not to me,” I haughtily announced, but I couldn’t deny to myself that the underlying doubt was there when he put it in such terms… and that doubt wasn’t a feeling I was too fond of, I must admit.

He nodded with a doubt of his own. “Sure…”

My glare intensified. “You’re a bastard,” I announced before storming out of the kitchen to the sound of him yelling out “love you, too, cuckoo!”

And it’s official, men are bastards.

--

“What do you want from me, Carter?” I desperately asked, letting out a deep sigh when I found him sitting at my bench—the very same one I had said goodbye to him at one and a half years ago. “What more could you possibly want from me?”

“I just… I just missed you,” he floundered, clearly surprised and daunted by the unusual undertone of desperation in my words.

I winced. “Isn’t it enough that I gave you an easy out, can’t you just let me be?”

“But it’s not about that, Andrea. I really do miss you, I have since it all ended… I want you back in my life.”

“So what? Now that you’re ready—now that it’s convenient for you,” I amended, “I should just forget everything and go on as if happy-go-lucky. Well sorry, and I hate to be a Debbie-downer, but you’re a bastard who doesn’t really care about me and I try to avoid people like that. Odd, isn’t it?” I sarcastically quipped, my words tinged with so much malice that, despite my anger and its justness, I was shocked by the bite to them.

“It’s not that,” he weakly told me. “It’s not a sudden thing, Drea, honestly! I… I was with Sadie, I’d thought that it was the right thing—that she was the one—but she wasn’t. It—it was you.”

And cue a dropping jaw.

--

“What’s with the dour look sour-puss?” Carter asked me, knocking my shoulder with mine.

Despite myself, I couldn’t help but grin at that greeting. With a shrug I answered: “nothing really, just exhausted.”

He nodded sympathetically, casually throwing an arm around my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“My professor for my creative writing class, he’s such a… a… urgh!”

He raised a brow, an amused smile overtaking his face. “An urgh?”

“And a nincompoop,” I grumpily added, crossing my arms over my chest.

“What’d he do?”

“he mocks every poem that anyone presents, but the only one that he actually likes, that he applauds, is something along the lines of: ‘I am leaving the seven eleven, / it’s dark, / not safe, / and suddenly I hear it, / ping… ping / pang, ping, pang!’” I grumpily reiterated.

Carter snorted. “That’s actually pretty damn brilliant.”

I scowled.

“Oh come on, Drea, it’s fucking hilarious,” he laughed raucously.

“Not when I’m in danger of failing.”

He rolled his eyes, squeezing me lightly, comfortingly. “Oh please, you have your four point oh, don’t be so overdramatic, let’s get that stick out of your ass.”

“And let me guess, replace it with something else?” I took a gander.

He nodded with a grin and leer. “Doesn’t have to be there if you wouldn’t like, but I hear it’s great stress relief.”

I knew I shouldn’t laugh, that feminists all over the world would probably spit on me for allowing such a comment to pass, that Stanton was probably rolling over in her grace, but I couldn’t help it. He always knew how to make me feel better, even if it meant being a perv.

“You’re a bastard,” I informed him with a grumble; I wasn’t about to admit that I actually enjoyed hearing comments like that, after all.

He smirked knowingly. “You love me for it and you know it. Despite how derogatory and sexist it may sound you love it… you find it hilarious.”

“I’ve said no such thing,” I said, feigning innocence.

“that’s okay, you don’t have to, I’ll let your pride remain intact,” he told me with a small smile before pulling me closer to him, lips descending upon mine in a hot and heady kiss, the sort that I usually avoided in public, but couldn’t help but embrace with him, despite my usual stipulations regarding that.

--

“Wh… what?” I sputtered, and rather unattractively so.

He took initiative and grasped my hand, enclosing it between his two. The intention turned out to be a flop, however, when I immediately jerked my hand back.

He sighed, clearly hurt by the action. Damn self-absorbed bastard.

“Drea… I love you—I’m in love with you.”

I let out a sardonic laugh, feeling particularity sadistic after hearing that admission. “Just like you were in love with Sadie, right?” I mocked.

He winced. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like, Carter, because it seems to have gone totally over my head.”

“I… I…” he stammered on fruitlessly.

“Yes?” I purposefully goaded him; jerk deserved a little torture anyway, what with that pitiful confession and all.

He raked both hands through his hair, letting out an exasperated breath. “I was so focused on what I’d lost that I didn’t realize what I had, how much you really meant to me-”

“Oh, are you referring to that ‘satisfaction’ I brought to your life now?

He cringed, groaning at the repetition of that term that he had once used in reference to my role in his life. “I was stupid, Drea. I thought… I thought that Sadie and I just didn’t get our chance, and that thought was always lording over me, that possibility of what if.”

“And I deserved to be punished for that then?” I bitterly asked with a scoff.

“no… no, you deserved so much better, so much more than a guy who just said that he could be satisfied with you in his life, I know that now.”

“Well… kudos.”

“Won’t… won’t you give me another chance? Let me prove myself?”

I rolled my eyes. “For what, Carter? I mean don’t you see a rather pitiful pattern forming here?”

His brows furrowed at that question and he honestly appeared to be perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“Boy and girl break up. Boy meets new girl. Boy is with new girl, but still hung up on original girl. Boy dumps new girl for original girl. Boy then dumps original girl for new girl… now how do I know that there’s not a new girl for my original girl here, Carter?”

That one downright offended me. “You’re shitting me, right?”

“No, I’m not shitting you, and stop using that term, it’s grotesque and illogical,” I sneered.

He smiled at that. “There hasn’t really been any other girl in the past year, if that’s any consolation at all.”

“Just fucks, right?” I cocked a brow.

And at the look I got in reply I automatically knew my accusation had been correct.

“It… it was still…” he sighed. “I don’t know what I can say right now to change your mind, but I’m not giving up, Drea, I didn’t realize it last time, but I do now and I’m not going to just let you go now. I refuse to, not without a fight.”

I shook my head. “Well good luck with that hopeless cause of yours,” I told him before walking off. Luckily, he knew better than to try to hold me back.

--

author’s note: so there we have it, the latest addition to this story, hope you enjoyed it. I actually wasn’t even planning on posting again so soon, but inspiration came while I was in a taxi returning from a party so I typed it up on my phone…

Also, I have a new poll up on my profile in regards to this story so feel free to check that out if interested; it may help guide me in terms of the story.

Once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, I’m almost positive I replied to them all, but if not just give me a heads up and I’ll go back and reply, I’d hate not to!

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