3. Why Boys will be Boys

It was another one of those lazy Friday afternoons when the entire class was stuck within the confines of the four walls. Milton was sprawled across Joshua’s desk, the latter not very happy about the dent the interloper was making on school property. Somewhere in the middle, Oliver was reading a magazine interview of Joey Bibca and getting enlightened by the pop idol’s answers.

Laura watched the hapless fools, with a frown on her face.

“It’s a little pathetic that you read chick magazines,” she told him.

“Not for leisure. I’m just doing research,” came the spot-on reply.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup. It’s always best to find out what girls think.”

“Oh please. You guys don’t know a thing about the opposite sex,” she remarked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sensing an argument, Milton sprang up immediately.

“Oh yeah? Bring it on. Test us,” he challenged, pulling at his tie.

A murmur of agreement went around and with the other girls egging her on, Laura accepted the challenge. She took hold of the magazine and flipped through it.

“Okay. Question. What is the first thing about a guy that attracts a girl?” she asked aloud.

Oliver pumped his fist in the air. “Manliness,” he announced, earning himself a few hoots and whistles all around.

Laura cleared her throat and rolled her eyes. “Uh-no. Someone else wants to try?”

“Hair?” Kingsley asked, running his fingers through his blond hair for effect.

Laura shook her head in exasperation.

“Mustache?” Randall asked, pulling at his barely existent whiskers.

Another shake of her head.

“Sex-appeal?”

“No!”

“Nose hair?” Oliver countered.

“What the- Okay, that’s just gross. It’s honesty, people. Girls appreciate an honest guy and not a show-off. Maybe you could take a tip or two.”

“Aww,” echoed the boys in unison. “Should’ave known it’d be something mushy like that.”

Milton shook his head disappointedly. “You girls think too much. Guys are simple-minded.”

“You mean to say, guys are simpletons?” she reiterated.

“No, simple-minded,” he stressed.

“How so?”

“There is only one thing that attracts a guy.”

“Which is?”

“Boobs,” Milton answered with a wild grin.

“Totally,” agreed Randall, making obscene gestures with his hands.

“Ditto,” acknowledged Oliver, thumping his chest.

Laura gazed at them narrowly. “Maybe you guys are just ‘shallow’?”

“No, it’s true. Ask any guy.”

“Okay…” she said, eyes scanning the room. She noticed Joshua still sulking about the dent on his table. “Josh, you heard them. Please tell me it’s not true.”

“It isn’t true, Laura,” he said distractedly.

“Thank you very much,” she replied with a proud smile.

Her opponents did not cede defeat so quick. “What do you really like about girls, man?” Oliver asked the school head.

“Knees.”

A strange sort of silence hung in the air.

“What?” they blurted out in unison.

Joshua looked up at them and stifled a laugh of embarrassment. “I like their knees…” he confessed. “Sometimes, elbows. I find them cute.”

“…okay,” Oliver said after a long pause, exchanging wary glances with the others. He turned to Joshua and gave him a thumbs-up. “Well, to each his own. Just do me a favor and don’t ever become an orthopedic.”

“I’m surprised you even know that word.”

“Ha. Ha. I’d feel insulted if it had come from someone who didn’t have a knee fetish.”

Oliver turned to Laura and added in a small voice. “Okay, he doesn’t count. Absolutely not.”

Shaking her head, she sighed and scanned the room for another suitable candidate. She found Hector Stravinsky busy typing on his PDA.

Having a bit more confidence in his high IQ, she put the question to him.

Hector looked up from his palmtop and regarded them for a long while. “The kind of girl I like?” he repeated, a faint crease forming on his features. “Hmm.”

Milton counted the minutes that went by and let out a sigh. “Okay dude, we’re not asking for Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, you know.”

“Alright, fine. I like the sort of girl who is cute but doesn’t act too cute, smart but doesn’t act over-smart. She should have the right body mass index, curly hair, pretty eyes, outgoing, kind to animals, Right Liberal-”

Laura held up her hand. “Whoa. Your list is longer than you are, shortie.”

Hector scowled. “And especially someone who doesn’t make fun of my height.”

Laura sighed and turned to the door, just as Max sauntered in from the cafeteria. His eyelids heavy, he seemed half-asleep and was munching on something absent-mindedly.

“Oye Leningrad, what about you? What do you like in-”

Max didn’t pause as he made his way to an empty seat at the far end of the room.

“Swiss rolls,” was his cutting reply.

A sympathetic Oliver patted her back.

“Now, that’s a guy who knows where his priorities are.”

Laura gave up on the questionnaire. It wasn't worth fighting a losing war.

..--..