|Shadow Of My Heart
Author: ConnieLynn PM
Loneliness isn't the only key in living to Jeanette's world. There's much more, but is she willing to face it? She's lost so much with the slightest trust and love. Only one can break through her shell. But who will that person be?Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,255 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 04-29-09 - Published: 01-19-09 - id: 2624163
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Shadow of My HeartBy: Connie Ha
"No…" I muttered as I ran. It was dark. Too dark to be able to see anything. I ran into a dead end. I could hear growling and angry voices in the atmosphere. I turned around to face the people I thought I was afraid of. I knew I shouldn't be. Because I had no one. Nothing was important in my surroundings. It was only me and my shadow. The shadow of my empty heart whom everyone had left behind.
Chapter One: loneliness
It had been seven years. I am fourteen years old and nothing has changed about me. I am lonely. I am so lonely that people felt scared to look at me. I knew if my parents were here, I wouldn't be acting like this. I'd be a happy and bright Jeanette.
I lived on my own in a small apartment. I managed to find money for the rent. I ran away from my foster home, refusing to look at my new parents and siblings. I wanted my parents. I didn't see a point in living without them. But living in a lonely place seemed better than death.
I got to school and everyone backed away as I got through the hallways. I could hear people whispering as I passed by.
"What's her problem?"
"She's always like that. I feel sorry for her…."
I tried not to bother. These people didn't know what it was like to be someone like me.
I walked to my first period class – or at least I thought I did. I walked into the seniors' electronics classroom. I didn't bother to say sorry as I walked out.
"You sure have guts for a freshman," said a boy. I ignored him and continued walking. Sure. I had guts. But these were guts of a lonely person. I couldn't say that I couldn't care less. I cared. I think I have a problem. I had a serious problem with my emotions. I felt absolutely nothing.
"Hey! Watch where you're going!"
I looked up. It was a girl; probably a sophomore. I bumped into her and made her drop her books.
"Aren't you going to pick them up?" she demanded.
I stared at the books motionlessly. '… pick them up?' Her voice rang in my head. I wasn't going to. Why should I? I started to walk away but she grabbed my arm, pulling me back.
"Do you have any manners?" she asked.
I glared at her. She let me go and shook her head disapprovingly. "Bad parents." She bent down to retrieve her books.
That… hurt. I felt pain. More pain. Wasn't there anything else I could feel besides pain? I pulled her up before I knew it and glared at her in hatred and frustration. "I won't let you talk about my parents like that!" I felt tears burn up in my eyes.
"Okay, okay!" she tried to get loose.
"What do you know?" I retorted.
This was the first time I had received an apology and I was confused. I let her go and she dashed off to first period with a scared expression.
I stood there. 'Sorry….' I thought about the beautiful silver car that was crashed and tipped over on the road. I thought about my tears and how the police officer had held me close, assuring me that everything was going to be okay. I had hope. My parents' bodies weren't in the car. They were never found. But to this day… I knew that they had to be dead. 'Sorry….' Why hadn't my beloved parents apologized to me? Why did they leave me? In such a lonely world where I couldn't find anyone to trust. They were all afraid of me. But they never thought of it the other way around.
* * *
I headed to first period as the bell rung. The teacher didn't say anything nor look at me. I bet he didn't even mark me tarty. This was completely abnormal.
I took my seat. There was an empty seat next to me and through all my classes ever since the first day of school. I could feel everyone trying to edge away from me as far as possible. Honestly, how scary did I look? I wore regular Nikes, skinny jeans, and a black jacket over my black shirt. My hair was down and it was probably because I looked pale. I wasn't pretty. But I wasn't a monster, either. I'm practically very lonely. I knew this loneliness wasn't going to go away.
I'm an average A's and B's student and I got my stuff out of my backpack to do class work. I heard a door slam and got a grip of myself. I didn't look up and I didn't pay attention either. Until I heard my name…
"…Jeanette, raise your hand." I heard Mr. Biane's shaken voice. I wasn't here to cause trouble and I wanted everyone to realize it. I obeyed. I didn't notice the boy that was tanding next to Mr. Biane until now. It clicked.
I wanted to refuse. Jump up, scream, throw a tantrum! But I was frozen in my seat. Maybe I didn't want to refuse. Maybe I wanted a friend. But that was impossibly stupid. I saw him smile at me and I looked away at Mr. Biane. I stared at him with those eyes, hoping that he wouldn't place the boy to sit next to me.
"This will just be your temporary seat."
I realized that I wasn't breathing and exhaled slowly to not attract any attention.
The boy walked closer to me. I felt unrecognizable pain. It was like… a wound being stitched. He smiled at me as he sat down. I looked away. 'Temporary.' It should be over by today, I thought. I copied down the objectives, completely ignoring the boy. Completely ignoring everyone else. Except for the teacher, that is.
"Hi. I'm Max."
I ignored him and wrote down the agenda. If he didn't give up on this stupid introduction then I was leaving.
He probably got the warning – and I didn't know how – because he didn't say another word to me. He was quit. Good. I could hardly imagine him here.
The bell rung and I packed my books in my bag and started to walk out the door.
"Um. Hi. What's your next class? I'll walk you there."
I looked up. It was that boy. What was his name again? It didn't matter. I continued walking. Hopefully, he wouldn't follow. New kids… that was the worst kind. I bet he was trying to act smart. Wasn't he new here? Why did he offer to walk me to class? I was lost my first day here… but I managed. He would've probably not known where to go. But he's different. He is nothing like me He'll make friends and get out there. I walked inside the classroom. And as for me, I was trapped in this loneliness.