FictionPress.com - let the words flow| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
Under the Covers
By Ani
POV: Third Person POV
Summary: Under the safety of her covers at night, a girl writes letters to her past.
She used to read books, books of history and of love, but it seems lately, her heart strings have tugging hoping for some mental and emotional release in prose form. She tugs loose a few origami paper, she keeps beside her bedside and pulls out her beloved letter writing felt tip pen.
She poses the pen over the small square paper, listening for a few moments of Yiruma's River Flows In You. She smiles thinking of the sadness it’s brought over her, but of also the heartfelt love intertwined so magically with it. Its bittersweet she thinks, and she bites her bottom lip, wondering what to write.
It’s been too long since she's written this type of letter, she worries that she's written one like it before. It would be bad to re-iterate her feelings and waste paper. As it she wasn't crazy already, she didn't want to have repeating proof of it.
She starts with the date, and realizes it’s been 2 years since she's started.
Two years of hiding under the covers, hiding this obsession, of letter writing, of writing to the only person she cares most for.
She skips the introduction, it’s always been for him, there’s not use writing his name. She smiles impishly to the paper, remembering when she scolded herself and started stopping writing his name.
The last letter with his name had been covered with their names together, hers with his; trying to see what it would look like should she receive her doctorate, a hyphen perhaps? Or would she drop her last name altogether? Whatever the case she had thought then, whatever daughters or sons, they had they would take her name no doubt.
She looked down at the paper and started off with the first and foremost thought that had come into her mind.
'I never told you I loved you did I?'
She moves her pen to write the obvious:
'I want to let go of this habit of writing at night to you. Writing letters that I know I won't ever give you, that you may never read or touch, and now that I think about it -- it's so sad.'
She pauses and realizes that Yiruma's Farewell is just coming to a close.
'It sometimes feels like my heart is still so full of feeling for you that it'll burst. And its sad because I think I've found someone who makes me happy again, only.. he’s not you.'
'It’s true', she thinks to herself. Will she ever get over him?
''You've set a too high benchmark, and I’m.. scared that no one will ever get close to it. That I will not let them get close to it, let alone surpass it.'
She groans inwardly. She lets her head bang on the ornate wooden headboard, before she realizes that she should be quiet. She lies still in her bed, doesn't seem like anyone’s heard.
'I wish you had a girlfriend already' she writes, getting oddly annoyed at him. 'It'd stop my foolish heart from hoping, it'll teach my heart a lesson and it will let you go once and for all.'
She stops, feeling foolish at being annoyed at him for such a trivial thing. She frowns and tries to explain it to him.
'Its hard for me to act mad at you, for me to show that I don't still care, when we're together in a room.'
'A building more like' she thinks grimly to herself. She only has little writing space left and she pours her love and anguish into it.
'You know what? For all this yearning and feeling.. I can't -- for the life of me -- remember what you look like. I can't remember your reassuring voice either.
All that I have remember is the rhythm of your heart beat when it was once close to mine.
It seems like I'll never know no other beat.
Love,'
She pauses. 'Love?' She tilts her head thinking. Then she remembers him telling her once how he loved that look on her face, and the tilt of her head, and her face breaks out in a goofy indulgent grin.
She groans in frustration a moment later and buries her head in her pillows hoping to stop her face from the involuntary twitching of facial muscles.
She scratches it out and signs her name, the only way she does it when she writes these.
She nimbly folds the letter -- writing inside -- into a crane. Funnily enough she finds it more nicely done than the others she's made before. Sighing she tucks it into her robe pocket inwardly, reminding herself to remember to hide it in the room before she walks out of it.
Settling back into her normal sleeping position, she closes her eyes and tries to sleep.
This, of course, only works for a few moments and it seems like she's lied there for hours, but when she turns her head it’s been only the one. She picks herself up and wonders if there's anything sweet in their shared fridge. 'Almost midnight' she notes, reading the neon lights next to her head.
She chucks on her robe and pulls out of her room, detouring momentarily at the bathroom to brush out the stale breath in her mouth, and stumbles into the kitchen, blinking blurrily as light floods the room’s surfaces.
What she doesn't realize is that, one of her abnormally clean male roomies have removed the kitchen mat from the floor to be cleaned and then next thing she knows, she's sprawled over the floor. 'You've slipped' her mind scolds her when she tried to think at how she's gotten on the floor.
Her mind barely registers the bang in the background and the clinging of the keys.
Her eyes, elbows and knees and the balls of her palms start to sting, she cusses silently hoping not to wake up the rest of the place and shortly afterwards someone’s warm hands are slowly lifting her up, as she bites her bottom lip hard trying to stop the tears she knows is coming from the shooting pains.
"Are you alright?" a warm familiar yet anxious voice asks. Her eyes snap open, but close when a particularly harsh throb of her knee fills her with pain. She starts sobbing then, and clutches onto HIM and she's not sure why she's crying but her heart clenches painfully as he holds her close.
fin.
