Why Not Me?

I suffer in silence so no one can hear me weep,

Shedding many a tear while you think I’m asleep.

These silent days only make it worse,

My thoughts only of you being in the back of the hearse.

I wonder, sometimes at night can you hear me,

Am I turning into the person you taught me to be?

Even though it’s been a year every time I think of you I get a sharp pain,

The world becomes a blur and my pillow ends up having another new stain.

I have felt so much regret for not being able to tell you goodbye,

I would kill just to give you another hi.

I never thought something like this could happen.

How could it?

You being in my life I took for granted,

“This has to be a lie,” I all but chanted.

If I just one wish do you know what it would be?

No, not money, nothing like that for me.

I would ask for a chance to see you,

And if that got granted and I saw you,

I would hug you tight and say, “I love you too.”

I still miss you every day,

But I know you would tell me to, “Be quiet and go on.”

I want to tell you that I try,

Answer this though, even after all this time, is it still wrong to cry?

What has happened over this past year I’m not likely to forget.

Trust me; I’ve learned a lot from it.

Live everyday as if it were my last,

And don’t try to live in the past.

I miss you, so many people do.

I just need a sign,

Everyone else has had one from you.

Why not me?

I’m trying so hard to understand you see.

Just something to tell me its okay, don’t cry anymore.

But I haven’t got anything, not even a slam of the door.

That’s all I need,

Something to renew my happiness like a blooming flower seed.

That’s all I ask,

Please, can you do me the one, small final task?