Chapter Two

Savannah sighed and let herself into the house she had shared with Conor for the past five years. It deeply saddened her to think that five years of them being together…meant nothing.

‘Thank God I never fell pregnant,’ Savannah muttered as she jogged up the steps.

For years, her infidelity had made Savannah feel like a failure, and maybe if she still felt that way, she could almost forgive Connor for cheating on her.

But if she looked at things logically, Savannah had to admit that this wouldn’t be the first time. All the extended so-called business trips, the late nights…Savannah had never bothered to take notice because she had been too busy feeling sorry for herself. Now, though, in hindsight…Maybe it shouldn’t have been such a shock.

Savannah’s suitcases were still on her bed, where she’d left them this morning. She’d felt terrible, leaving Connor alone for the next few weeks. Now she shuddered to think what extra- curriculum activities he might have actually planned for the time she was away. To think that it was only this morning that Savannah had believed herself to be uncontrollably and so completely in love with her husband. What a joke. Everything, it seemed, had been such a joke. And what was worse was that all of her friends had tried to tell her for so long…Savannah had just refused to see it.

No, Savannah corrected herself. What was actually going to be worse was telling her mother that she’d failed…again.

Lynette had always treated Savannah like a failure…and after a few years, Savannah had started to believe her. She and her mother never had the type of relationship that Savannah’s best friends had had with their mothers’- and for years, it had bothered her. But that was before Savannah had learnt to deal with it, and adopt her friend’s mothers.

When Savannah had graduated from high school, she hadn’t been able to get out of Glebe fast enough. Thankfully, Lynette had sent Savannah to boarding school for high school, so it was really only the holidays that had been unbearable- particularly Christmas. Christmas holidays had always been the worst. It was almost like Lynette became a shadow of herself throughout December- it was Martin, Savannah’s father, who really brought the Christmas cheer to the Barnes’ family. Martin and Savannah’s two brothers, James and Chris, had always done everything they could to make Christmas the wonderful time that it was supposed to be. Every year, Martin would cook a traditional Christmas dinner; roast turkey with ham salad and potato bake and his famous baked pumpkin and potato. It’d cook while Martin and the kids went to church, stopping at their grandparent’s place for presents and eggnog. Then after lunch, they’d sleep, stuffed to bursting like the turkey they had just devoured. Around about six in the evening, Martin would take the kids for ice-cream while Lynette stayed home and looked into the distance, gazing at the stars, as if lost in a dream that refused to release it’s hold.

Savannah shook herself and began clearing out her drawers and wardrobe. She was going to drive to Sydney tonight- if she made if halfway before she stopped and got back on the road at about seven, she could easily be there by two the next afternoon. Lynette wasn’t expecting her for another three days, but that was just a bit of tough luck. Savannah would call her mother when she was close to Glebe- when it would be too late to turn back.

As Savannah emptied her bookshelf, she asked herself for the millionth time why she was doing this. It wasn’t as if she owed Lynette anything. Maybe in a twisted sense, it was Savannah’s revenge; that Lynette wouldn’t be able to die in peace, and alone, as Savannah really knew Lynette wanted.

As she was cleaning out her wardrobe, she found a box labelled ‘Wedding Stuff’. After a mini internal debate, Savannah dragged the box to the middle of the floor and sat down beside it, chewing her lower lip.

Did she dare open it?

Steeling herself, mind made up, Savannah tore open the lid and recoiled as if a Cobra had leered at her. On the top of the pile, still protected with foam and bubble wrap, rested the canvas the couple had had done.

It was like a stab to the heart. Looking at their happy faces, their broad smiles made Savannah want to puke. How long had it been going on? Was it always the same girl, and did they lay in bed after getting all hot and sweaty, smoking Connor’s cigars and laughing at her, speculating over her idiocy? Or was it always a different woman, each younger then the previous, with a tight ass and big tits? Savannah felt her face crumple. Why oh why wasn’t she good enough?

Savannah shook her head. She refused to cry over that selfish, arrogant, pompous prick! He cheated on her. He was the idiot here- not Savannah. She had done nothing but try to please him…but it seemed like nothing was ever good enough. But that was his problem- not hers!

She tossed the canvas onto the messy bed. She hadn’t made the bed this morning, and now planned to leave the house in an almighty mess. It was childish- she was very much aware, thank you very much- but she knew how much Connor loved a tidy house. It was really the least she could do.

All of a sudden, her mobile phone rang. She unhooked it from her belt and inwardly groaned. It was Kerrie Slider, her literary agent.

‘Hey, babes, how’s it going?’ Kerrie said cheerfully when Savannah answered.

‘I’ve been better.’ Savannah answered truthfully, switching the mobile to loudspeaker. She set the phone on the bedside table before struggling to up-end the box of memories of the happiness she and Connor had once shared.

‘What was that?’ Kerrie asked in alarm. ‘Savannah, are you all right?’

Breathing heavily and smiling in satisfaction, Savannah retrieved the phone and turned it back to its normal settings. ‘Yes, I’m alright. Just getting rid of some of that useless junk we all keep stashed away.’

‘Oh, I see. Just doing a bit of spring cleaning in summer, eh?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Yes, well, I was just ringing…’ Kerrie began.

‘It’s not a good time, Kezza.’ Savannah warned.

‘It never is a good time, is it?’ Kerrie snapped in irritation. ‘Look, kiddo, I love ya, love your work- you know that. But its not just your ass on the line.’

Savannah sighed. ‘But you got my draft, didn’t you?’

There was a tense silence.

‘Kerrie?’ Savannah pressed.

‘Oh geez. Look, I did, OK, but it’s…’ Kerrie huffed. ‘It’s crap, OK? I didn’t want to tell you, but there’s no emotion. The characters are fake, the story doesn’t flow…’

‘OK, OK, I get the point.’

Savannah really wasn’t that surprised. When she had drafted Love in the first Degree, her heart just hadn’t been in it.

Savannah had always loved to write. Her favourite and most memorable childhood moments were at her grandparents’ kitchen table, listening to stories of thei yester years as they sipped their beers. That was where most of the material for her bestseller Eternally Yours had come from.

‘What more do you want from me, Kerrie?’ Savannah demanded. ‘You can’t just make these things happen…’

‘It’s been twelve months!’ Kerrie yelled in her ear. ‘When I first signed you, I…’

‘Um, you know, I just got an emergency call from work, I’ll have to call you back.’ Savannah lied, removing the phone from her ear.

‘This is serious!’ was the last protest that Kerrie made before Savannah hung up.

‘I bet it is,’ Savannah muttered. At the moment, however, she couldn’t give a damn. She had a mother to care for, a divorce to initiate and a life to rebuild. Her passion would just have to wait.