i don't care if i never get out,
i don't care if i fall right through.
i don't care if i ever wake up,
if the stars burn away in indifference
and refuse to even listen. about fingernails
on chalkboards, singing out of tune
all that, yes that. i don't care
if the words don't align, if my hands shake
and my knees tremble
into collapse. i don't care if the world ends today
i don't care if i never see you again.
i don't care if you don't care
about me; don't care if i can't laugh and i can't cry.
about the sputtering carcass of happiness
lying prone in the darkness,
or the light that pours
through the bloody stained glass window,
or the way the dust dances
or the way that i don't see it.
i don't care if my mouth crumbles dry
i don't care if this shell turns transparent
i don't care if you can see right through
me, my cracked, rotting smile, into the miasma
of fear
the hearth of my nightmares
and the churning raw heart
of denial.