the truth has finally crawled from your lips

like venom into my veins

you played my heart so beautifully

and i didn't know whether to cry

from the beauty of the muscle slowly failing

or from the ripping, stabbing pain

i'm stuck in some sort of limbo, torn

like the leaves you were shredding apart while

we talked today. (i wonder if that was a silent

metaphor for my heart?)

i can't tell if i hate it more

when you ignore me like I am as nonexistent

as my confidence or when you talk and laugh

and fill my heart with hopes of something that

is completely impossible.

i wonder if your heart flipped and twisted like

a fish out of water, like mine, when i confessed that

i only stopped cutting and being bulimic because

of you. (you seemed…pleased. but

maybe that was just your ego inflating into something

as cancerous as your effect on me.)

those dark eyes still make my heart

leap, and your impish smile is still as

contagious as can be, but i am sick

of crying over you,

tired of playing this one-sided game,

hopefully one day my pulse will not stutter

every time you say my name.

1.20.09