A/N: This is complete so you don't have to worry about whether I finish it or not. I will post chapters up every couple of days. This was originally written in 2003 and posted on this site. I am reposting it with some changes.

-----

A moment of hesitation, and then Alex slowly threaded his fingers into hair so black it was almost blue. The silken locks caressed his skin, sending a shiver through his body. Longing made him bolder, and he pressed closer against his lover's body. His lover's heat seeped through his clothes to burn his skin in a feverish desire. Alex squirmed against him, pushing his hips into him wantonly, eliciting a moan from his lover. The deep throaty sound was intoxicating. He wanted to hear more of the sweet noises, so he rubbed the length of him against that hard body, and was rewarded with a groan of pleasure.

The expression on his lover's face was pained with need. Their eyes met, and Alex was stunned by the intensity of the crystal blue gaze that stared down at him with such hunger. The blue-eyed boy lowered his head, and Alex's eyes slid closed. Lips pressed together, soft and delicate at first, and then insistent, he opened his mouth, letting a hot tongue rub against his. The sweet and familiar taste of strawberries teased him instead of the spicy cinnamon taste he expected.

Alex's brow furrowed. Strawberries? Wait a minute!

His eyes snapped opened, and instead of the crystal blue orbs of his dream lover, he gazed into playful hazel eyes. For a moment he could only stare.

"Good morning Sunshine," Step said with a teasing smile.

Stephen, or Step as he was nickname, his roommate and best friend, was straddling him. Their faces were mere inches apart after the kiss. Alex shot up, unbalancing Step, which was just fine with him. It made it easier when he shoved his hands into his chest, and caused Step to tumble over the bed's edge and land on the floor with a thump.

"Ow, what did you do that for?" Step asked, rubbing his backside.

"What the hell were you doing in my bed KISSING me?" Alex shouted, as he tried to ignore the reddening of his cheeks.

"You're mean," Step said, giving Alex a wide-eyed look, as if Alex was somehow in the wrong.

Alex's anger almost melted away, almost, but he knew the devious mind that lay underneath those innocent looks. Glaring at his impetuous roomie, he crossed his arms.

Rolling his eyes, Step sighed dramatically. "Fine, you're no fun."

Standing up in one smooth motion, Step dropped his innocent facade for a roguish smile, brushing white blond hair from his eyes. "I just thought that the best way of waking you was with a sweet good morning tongue."

"You're a sicko," Alex mumbled, but there was no venom behind his words. It wasn't the first time Step had kissed him, though that had been years again, when they were still in high school. Besides it was hard to stay mad at Step, especially when he looked so adorable. He blinked, and then frowned. When did Step become adorable?

Step gave him a knowing smile, and looked pointedly at his boxers. "You seemed to have enjoyed it."

Scratch that, Step was not adorable, he was evil. He didn't need to look down to know about the tightness of his boxers. "That has nothing to do with you," he grumbled out.

Laughing, Step shook his head. "Don't you think you should get ready?"

Alex frowned, looking confused. Step looked to the side, and Alex followed his gaze to the clock, glancing at the numbers before he finally comprehended their meaning.

"Shit!"

He scrambled out of bed. There went breakfast, and if he didn't hurry he would have Professor Crum breathing down his neck. This would be the third time already.

Moving towards the shower, he paused as a knock sounded on the door. Alex started to ignore it.

"Can't you get that Alex? You're closer," Step said.

Alex turned to glance at Step, seeing he was already in his morning meditation, with obviously no regard that Alex was running late. Sighing, Alex went to the door and swung it open. Crystal blue eyes that looked at him with searing passion in his dreams stared back at him. Memory and dream mixed together, and for a moment he could only stare. Frozen, he watched as those eyes looked at him in confusion, followed by the slow curling of lips. Alex's mouth gaped open as he whispered the word, Darrin.

"Not who I was expecting to see, but you look happy to see me," the man said.

To say he was mortified would be an understatement. Alex flushed, and automatically slid his hand down to hide his little problem, which he only realized after he done it, was probably only bringing more attention to his situation. Alex was saved when Step bounded up, pushing pass Alex, and wrapped his arms around Alex's dream lover.

"Darrin!"

Darrin smiled at Step, embracing him warmly. "Hey beautiful."

Step pouted. "Don't call me that. It makes me feel feminine."

Darrin chuckled. "Well I'm definitely not the 'woman' in this relationship."

A streak of annoyance crossed Step's face before a devilish gleam appeared in his eyes. "Oh really? Not according to yesterday's little experiment."

Darrin blushed, a remarkable thing on the usual cool figure, as Step gave a triumphant laugh. Alex watched it all feeling decidedly like an interloper. Guilt washed over him. What would Step think if he knew his best friend was having erotic dreams about his boyfriend? Of course that was the least of the sins he had committed. Absently Alex touched his lips; lips that had touched Darrin's not only in dreams. Alex muttered out something as he headed to the bathroom, resigning himself to the coldest shower ever; anything to wash away the guilt, and take care of other things. He slipped inside, shutting the door a little harder than he meant to.

#

"What's up with Alex?" Darrin asked Step.

Sighing, Step unwrapped his arms from Darrin. "I think I might have overstepped my boundaries."

Darrin frowned. "What did you do Beautiful?"

Step gritted his teeth in irritation, turning away from Darrin to hide his expression. He really did hate when Darrin called him that, but he put up with it. Who wouldn't? Darrin was a stud.

"I gave him a little morning kiss; purely innocent, not even any tongue." Perhaps a little tongue, but he would keep that little tidbit to himself.

Darrin grabbed his waist, pressing Step back against the length of his body. Darrin's warm breath tickled the back of his neck, and Step twisted his head, and slid easily into the kiss that was waiting for him. Step relaxed; surprised that he had been tense in the first place. It reminded him what he liked most about Darrin. When Step did things like this, Darrin never got upset; he accepted his flirty way, never trying to hold him too tightly, not like this past boyfriends.

Darrin broke the kiss, Step sighed softly in a sweet pleasure.

"You know, you shouldn't kiss straight boys. It freaks them out," Darrin stated.

Step rested his head back against Darrin's shoulder. "Alex isn't straight. He's bi."

Darrin's body shifted against him. "Bi? Are you sure? I've never seen him with anyone that wasn't a girl."

"He is. Believe me, I know," Step said.

"And how exactly do you know?" Darrin questioned, and Step could feel him stiffened the tiniest bid.

Grinning, Step turned in Darrin's arm, and placed a finger against his lips. "Now that would be telling."

Giving his boyfriend a peck on the lips, Step slipped out of his grasp, and began gathering up his backpack and a few leftover items. Darrin left it at that as Step assumed he would. While deciding whether to bring his large or small sketchbook, Step heard the bathroom door open.

"You better hurry before you're late," Step said, looking over at Alex.

It was with a will of steel and years of repressing his true emotions that prevented Step's jaw from hitting the ground. He couldn't help staring, though, at a very wet Alex with only a towel wrapped around his waist. There was more muscle than a person might expect; nice toned muscles over skin with a slightly bronze tint. Dripping brown hair clung to his skin, and he blinked several times as water splashed across his eyelashes.

Damn, that boy is hot. It had been years since he had seen him in that state of undress, not since Step had shown Alex, that indeed he was bisexual. Too long. It was something he longed to remedy.

"Stare a little longer, and I might start to get jealous."

Step looked up, somewhat startled. How could he have forgotten that his boyfriend was right there?

Step recovered quickly, his lips sliding into a teasing smile. "You know me. I like to enjoy the sights, but no touching."

Darrin got a serious glint in his eyes. "Weren't you just telling me a different story?"

For a moment Step looked at him confused, and then realized what he was talking about. Oh right, the morning kiss. God, he really enjoyed that. The taste of Alex's lips, he had been hard pressed not to push things even further. Step dreamed of that taste, so unique in its flavor that the only image he could bring up was the sensation of chocolate melting in his mouth. A kiss he fantasized about since tenth grade, when he first sampled it.

Get it together Stephen! Your boyfriend is standing right in front of you.

Step managed to smile up at Darrin. "You've got nothing to worry about."

Unfortunately it was true. Alex just wasn't interested. Step could probably molest him relentlessly, and get nothing more for his trouble than an annoyed Alex saying, 'Step, can you please not do that?'

Darrin relented, maybe hearing the truth in his words, even if he didn't know the reasons behind it. Step moved to the door.

"We should get going." He didn't want anymore awkward situations popping up.

Luckily Darrin complied, and grabbed the canvas, which had been the reason he had shown up so early today. Step smiled thankfully, his eyes softening just a bit as they headed out.

#

Carrying the canvas to Step's classroom Darrin couldn't help glancing over at his boyfriend. The way he walked, moving with this smooth gracefulness, falling so easily into every situation, as if there was a Step shaped spot just for him. Just walking down the hall he was greeted numerous of times. Even if the college was a small one it was still surprising how many people knew Step, and each one Step smiled and said hello to while still managing never to slow his stride, always aware of the heavy canvas Darrin was carrying.

Yeah, he could be selfish and sort of flighty, but Step cared. He seemed to care about everyone. People who didn't know him probably assumed he would stomp on a person's feelings without any thought, and maybe he did from time to time, but Step was aware of everything he did, every pain that he caused. Maybe it was that which drew Darrin in, and now he found himself unable to stop loving him.

Maybe it was that feeling that made guilt gnaw at his stomach. See, Darrin had a secret. It wasn't anything terrible. Step probably had worst secrets on a daily basis, but it didn't change that a kiss in a darken room haunted him. It was silly, a stupid thing to feel guilty about. Darrin was drunk, it was dark, and he thought it was Step teasing him in one of the rooms. He reached out and fastened his lips to someone's, falling into the kiss, but maybe if it had only been that he could've let it go. But he had known, as soon as his lips touched those foreign ones, he had known it wasn't Step. He started to pull away, but then the stranger kissed him back, and it felt so good. Darrin didn't want to let go, and he didn't, instead he fell into the kiss, deepening it, hunger in every stroke. How far would he have gone if he hadn't heard Step's voice in the hall calling for him?

They both stiffened up at the sound, and Darrin closed his eyes, pulling away from the boy. He turned away, using it as an excuse to not see his sin. No face to haunt his dreams.

"I'll leave first."

And then he was gone, out into the hall, and back into the arms of Step's. Wasn't it wrong to keep this from him? It was an accident and even if he knew at some point it wasn't Step he was kissing, so what? They stopped didn't they? Yeah, it sounded pretty weak. Darrin was never good at justifying things.

"Darrin?"

"Huh?" His eyes drifted to Step, for a minute a bit dazed, and then focusing on him again. "Yeah?"

Step laughed lightly, his eyes scrunching up just a little. "I understand that you and my canvas have bonded, and I'm sorry I have to tear you two apart, but I really need it for class."

Darrin blinked with an 'oh' and handed the canvas to Step, who had already put down the bags of art supplies he had been carrying.

"Sorry about that," Darrin said with a wily grin.

"No problem," Step said, adjusting the canvas. "Darrin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about how I acted back in the room," he muttered out, his head down, the soft white blond hair brushing over his cheek, hiding his eyes from sight. "I know I push things too far sometimes."

Darrin gave him a soft smile. "It's ok"

"I just want you to know that I appreciate you, you know?"

Darrin nodded. "I do know."

Step finally shifted and looked up at him, a sweet smile on his face.

At that moment Darrin knew he would tell Step about what happened at the party. He couldn't keep any secrets from this beautiful boy of his, but first he needed to talk to Alex.

#

Faster, he had to get there in time. Why did he take so long in the shower? Damn him and his wandering mind or should that be hand? He panted as he moved to the door. Professor Crum would lock it any minute now.

Come on legs. Move faster!

He made it to the door, and by some miracle the door wasn't locked.

The miracle came in the form of Emily Johnson. The red head leaned over Professor's Crum's desk while the professor excitedly pointed out a passage in their Old English Anthology. Alex scurried in, trying his best to not draw attention to himself. Emily looked up at him and winked.

Thanks Em, he mouthed.

You owe me, she mouthed back, before returning her attention to Professor Crum.

Alex had just managed to get settle in his seat when Professor Crum peeled himself away from his conversation to start the lecture. Immediately his sharp eyes turned towards Alex, but whether Crum noticed his tardiness he wasn't sure. Alex swallowed, and looked quickly back down at his text until he heard Crum's voice fill the lecture hall. Beside him was the sound of shifting as Em settled herself in the seat next to him. Glancing up, he noticed Em looking at him, concern flickering in her eyes.

"Starting to become a habit of yours Alex, never thought I would see that from out future medieval essayist."

Alex smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Em gave him a sidelong glance, a sure thing that she wasn't just going to let this go. "So, want to tell me what's going on?"

Alex shrugged, giving a quick glance over at Crum. "I don't know. I guess I'm not paying attention to the time lately."

"Oh, really," Em said, turning in her seat to give Alex her full attention, her eyes narrowing as if she was inspecting him for evidence. "Who is it? Spill."

Alex gasped, his voice rising a little. "What are you talking about?"

Some of his classmates turned, and he slumped deeper in his chair, trying not to draw attention to himself.

Em grinned, obviously impassive to the audience they drew. "You have a crush. I can tell."

Flushing, Alex started to deny it, but one look at Em's face and he knew she wasn't going to let this go. "Fine, I have a crush, but let's not talk about it now. I'm already in enough trouble with Professor Crum as it is."

She nodded. "Fine, but we'll talk about this after class."

Alex didn't respond, but focused back on the lecture, or at least attempted to, but worries gnawed at him. How had Em guessed? Was he really transparent? Would Step or Darrin figure it out? He tried to shut all the little questions from his mind. It was too much trouble, not to even mention the dreams.

Lately they clouded his mind; dreams of kissing and touching Darrin, all arising from having a moment with those lips pressed against his. Two weeks had passed since that moment at the party, an accident, Darrin didn't even know it was Alex he locked lips with that night. Yet, for Alex it had been a sweet taste of his fantasies brought to life. Since the very first moment Step had introduced Darrin to their small group Alex had been infatuated. Betrayal right from the beginning though he never had any intention of acting on it. The kiss between them was an accident, a perfect accident that lingered with the taste of cinnamon. Not strawberries, definitely not strawberries, he couldn't believe Step sometimes.

What made him think it was ok? Sure Step flirted and teased him, but they never kissed, well accept for that one time in high school, but that had been different. And why the hell did he still remember the taste of him after all these years? He frowned, glaring at the words in his text book. Probably because it was his first kiss from a guy, everyone remembered their first right? Gah! Why was he even thinking about Step? He should be fantasizing about Darrin. No, that wasn't right either.

He groaned in frustration, and with a start realized the lecture hall had grown quiet.

"Mr. Felps is there something wrong?" Professor Crum questioned, an annoyed expression carved on his face.

More students turned to look at him, and all Alex really wanted to do was just get up and walk out. Instead he stayed in his seat, shaking his head. "No sir."

"Then please refrain from disturbing my class." Professor Crum turned away, and Alex started to breathe a sigh of relief when those eyes swiveled back towards him.

"Please see me after class Mr. Felps."

"Yes sir," he mumbled.

Em gave him a sympathetic look before looking back at her notes. Alex stared at his own blank page in trepidation, with the distinct feeling he should've slept in today.

At least the one good thing out of the whole situation was that he didn't have to worry about Em interrogating him after class. Though being scolded by Crum wasn't on his list of things he enjoyed doing either. After class it only took Crum ten minutes to make Alex feel like a fool who was wasting his education, but the good thing was that Crum saw potential in him, even if he wouldn't be taking Alex's tardiness anymore.

All in all it wasn't that bad, that was until he stepped out into the hall and saw Darrin waiting for him. He froze. He knows it was me. Impossible, but that didn't stop his stomach from dropping to his knees. He doesn't know, but then why was he here, waiting for him?

Deep breaths and just act cool Alex. Walking into the hall, he casually slung his bag over his shoulder. His heart was beating too fast, and he was sure this somehow wasn't healthy. Calm down he kept telling himself.

"Alex?"

He turned to look at Darrin. "Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you." Darrin rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. "It's about the party two weeks ago."

Alex's heart beat so hard he was sure it was going to explode from his chest.

"The party," he chocked out.

"Yeah, something happened there. Can we talk?"

Alex racked his brain for an excuse. "Um, I have-"

Crystal blue eyes pinned him. "It won't take long."

Well that was it. It was finally time to deal with the consequences of his actions. Alex nodded. "There's an empty classroom next door."

Heading inside the room, Alex sat down at one of the empty desks, but Darrin remained standing, first leaning against a desk, and then pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. Despite the nervousness Alex was feeling, he couldn't help thinking this side of Darrin was pretty adorable. Alex mentally shook his head. How pathetic could he get?

"At the party something happened," Darrin started, and then paused.

"Yeah?" Alex muttered out.

"You see. It was an accident, or at least it started out as an accident. I thought it was Step, but then it wasn't and I kept kissing him and..."

Alex blinked, and then blinked again. Two things dawned on him. One, Darrin didn't know it was Alex he was kissing and two, he had enjoyed it. This time his heart beat for a different reason.

"I don't know what to do," Darrin said miserably, which immediate brought Alex down from his happy high.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't like keeping this a secret. I know it's dumb, but I love Step. I should be honest."

Alex heart dropped in disappointment. What had he been expecting? This was Step's boyfriend. "It's not a big deal. Telling Step would probably just be more trouble than it's worth. So just forget about it."

"That's what I thought too, but I feel like I'm lying to him." Darrin laughed. "I guess I'm just too honest."

"Yeah, you are." Alex took a deep breath. "Then just tell him. Step will understand. It was an accident after all."

Darrin nodded, as if he only needed confirmation of that to do it. "Perhaps I should figure out who that guy was, you know, just in case of rumors."

Panic returned, and Alex shook his head. "No, bad idea."

"Why?" Darrin looked at him confused.

"You don't want to add more wood to the fire, and looking for some random guy you kissed at a party makes it sound like you want more from him." Alex blurted out in a hurry stream, his brain working overtime. "Besides it's been two weeks since then. If no rumors have started yet, they probably aren't going to."

Darrin nodded, and smiled. "I guess you're right. It was probably just an excuse to delay telling Step." He reached over and put his hand on Alex's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Thanks man."

"No problem."

"All right, then I'll see you later at lunch."

Alex nodded and watched Darrin leave, before slopping his head down on the desk. "Wonderful."

He was sure there was a special kind of divine punishment for people like him. Rolling stones up cliffs or having vultures pick at his flesh, yeah or endlessly watching the guy he like make out with his best friend. He sighed. If that was the way it was suppose to be, then he'll just take it as the punishment he deserved.

#

A slight frown marred Step's handsome features. "Sorry, but I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," the guy said disappointed. "Well if you change your mind here's where you can find me."

The boy slipped a folded piece of paper in between Step's fingers and walked away. Step sighed. As soon as the boy was out of sight he tossed the paper into the trash. Running his fingers through his white blonde hair, he finished making his way out of the art building.

Usually he might have enjoyed the attention, but today all he wanted was to be alone. Step was supposed to meet everyone at the campus cafe for lunch, but right now he was just too tense to bother. Instead he headed to his hiding place.

Crossing the campus until he reached the science building, he looked around him before climbing up the stairs to the one place no one would be at this time of day. The door was never locked. An oversight or the campus authorities were just too lazy to worry about it.

The door to the observatory was heavy, but besides the extra push it opened easily. In daylight, with no stars to gaze at, the observatory laid empty, which was just perfect for him. He settled against the wall, feeling the cold surface pressed against his back through the thin button up shirt he wore. Step leaned his head back, soaking in the feel of the dark and quiet place.

Being here was like being in a high tower, separate from the world. If he wanted to he could watch life drift by through the microscope, hundreds of people milling about, playing out the theater of their lives. Standing there he could break free from the rush, something other, or if he wasn't up for the mindless array of colors passing him by, then he could sink into the dark cocoon, where silence prevailed, and the observatory retractable ceiling was closed, locking him away as efficiently as a snowman in a blacken snow globe; to be separate, to remove himself for life if only for a moment, somehow calmed him.

Today though, despite the relaxing atmosphere, his mind kept racing. His thoughts were prominent with the adorable face of his clueless roommate. Why did he have to fall for such an idiot? One third of the school wanted him, plus he had a gorgeous and truly wonderful boyfriend, and all he could think about was Alex. The one person he couldn't have.

"Why does it have to be you?" His words echoed around the room, taunting him.

Since their freshman year of high school they had been friends, hitting it off instantly. Step was playful, sometimes dramatic and Alex was down to earth and a bit too serious at times. In some strange and wonderful way they balanced each other out. They were close, closer than people so unlike each other should be, but that didn't matter. Alex understood the parts of Step that he was always afraid to show. It was his sophomore year of high school that Step finally admitted to himself that he was gay and deeply infatuated with his best friend. It was scary. He could loose Alex at any moment. Still, he went and told him, or at least told him that he was gay. Alex may have blinked a few times, but it was like he had been expecting it, and he accepted him, just like he accepted every part of Step since their first meeting. None of that changed the fact that Alex was straight, and he never told Alex that he was in love with him.

Step tried to forget. He dated around, and there were plenty of people who didn't mind a cute little blonde boy in their bed. In minutes he lost himself in the flow of bodies, but not one of them could match the emotions he held for Alex. It wasn't until their junior year that things shifted to what should've been a better circumstance.

Alex started getting distance, throwing Step into a panic. Finally Step had managed to corner him and get the truth out of Alex. It seemed that Alex had started looking at a certain male with more than friendship in his eyes. Scared and confused, Alex stuttered out his predicament and Step took the opportunity to enlighten him on the joys of homosexuality.

It was nothing too bad, just a kiss-a deep with plenty of tongue kiss. More than just lust laced those few moments of joy; inside was all the longing, all the love he harbored. And when it was over he placed that fake smile on his face, and ignored the drumming of his heart.

"If you're not gay then you're definitely bi."

Slowly the confusion and wariness in Alex's face blossomed with clarity. He hugged Step, that sweet 'best friends forever' sort of hug that hammered little holes in his heart.

"Thanks Step. Thanks for showing me there's nothing to be afraid of."

There was plenty to be afraid of, but he couldn't say that, instead he continued smiling. "No problem. Now go. Don't you think you've wasted enough time not going after what you want?"

And just like that he pushed Alex towards a guy that wasn't him. Step let him go, only with the lingering taste of his lips-their one and only kiss. Of course this morning counted for something.

Why did he torture himself like this? Alex only saw him as a friend, even after that kiss he acted just the same.

"Just get over him," he said, the echo reinforcing his words. Maybe next semester he would request a roommate change. He didn't think he could take another year of living with Alex. Letting go, it would be better that way.

Step heard footsteps, sighing he looked up to see a boy coming in his direction. He never seen him before, but the college was big enough that he couldn't expect to know everyone. The tall boy wore glasses over bright green eyes that roamed over him with a predatory gaze, only sharpened by the angular shape of his face. The boy took another step forward, his long brown braid swaying at his hip.

"Sorry, am I disturbing you," the boy asked, hovering over him.

Step was tempted to say yes, something about the boy made his breath quicken like a rabbit that had caught the eyes of a wolf. Instead he stood up. "It's all right. I was just about to head out."

The boy moved closer to him, so close that either Step had to stay where he was or bump into him, he stayed, pressing back against the wall to keep as much distance as he could between them.

"It's too bad. I would have liked to get to know a cute boy like you."

Step rolled his eyes. "Sorry, but I'm seeing someone."

"So?" The boy said, moving closer.

Step pressed the back of his hand against the wall, finding himself trapped. His breath came out in short pants, as panic welled in his chest. The boy placed one hand against the wall, close enough to brush his cheek.

An annoyed expression covered up Step's nervousness. "Haven't you heard of personal space?"

The boy smirked. "It's overrated," he said and braced his other hand on the left side of Step, "Besides opportunities like this only come up once."

Step started to yell out when his lips were locked in a kiss.