|Christmas in Las Vegas
Author: YFIQ PM
Never say "Ho, ho, ho"Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Fantasy - Words: 629 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 02-09-09 - Status: Complete - id: 2633571
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
One Christmas night, a sleigh pulled by magical reindeers in the sky flew pass a tall building as the kids from below watch in amazement. On the red sleigh is Santa Claus with one large sack of gifts for every good child around the world, another sack filled with coals (not the Kingsford brand) for anyone who is naughty. After making several trips, Kringel is down to his final stop before returning to North Pole, the final destination is Las Vegas. Little did he know, that stop to a neighborhood in Las Vegas would be his last although memorable as well.
Upon landing on a house outside of the area filled with the city's signature glitz and neon lights, Kringel carries a sack and hops into the chimney. After trespassing into somebody's house as usual, he reaches into the bag and takes out a gift before placing it right under a tree. Just as he's ready to leave, a doorbell rang which takes a lovable, overweight, trespassing oaf by surprise as he believes everyone's home and fast asleep. Startled and knowing he has no time to climb back up to the chimney, he does the next best thing, he dive right through the window.
"What the..." a man screams as he sees a portly intruder no larger than the size of David Wells diving through the window and scampers away, afterward the homeowner quickly runs to the kitchen to call the police as he family wakes up from the noise and came downstairs to see what just happened.
Meanwhile as the jolly man in red stops to catch a breath after running for few blocks, he decides to look around for a bit before trying to find a way to get back to his sleigh. As he's doing so, a prostitute came by and said "Hello, can I help you?"
Startled, Santa yelled "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Who the hell are you calling 'ho'?" the prostitute screams
"Sorry lady but I'm trying to get back, I didn't mean any harm" said Santa
"What do you mean by 'I didn't mean any harm'? You're just sorry because you knew were going to beat your ass!"
"W-we?" Santa stammers
Out from every corner of the block several more prostitutes appears, one by one from a phone booth, a bush, and everywhere else.
"You think you can call us 'ho' and get away with it?" said one
"You gonna pay for what you did," said another
Seeing that there's no way to get himself out of this predicament spawned from a simple misunderstanding in the age of political correctness, the prostitutes began to close in on him.
"Please, I beg of you, it's a misunderstanding and I'm sorry but please forgive me..." Santa begs
But unfortunately his plea's been ignored as the prostitutes proceeds to beat him to death.
Meanwhile back on the top on a roof, the reindeers have waited for several hours. As the jolly fat man have failed to return, they decided to take off without him, wondering what happen to Kris Kringel and why he hasn't show up this time around. As they were flying back to the North Pole, they got lost due to the fact that Santa's the only one who know the direction, as a result they travel to the wrong parts of the world. The debacle continues until they hears a blaring sound and didn't know what was going on until they were promptly shot down. Turns out they're flying at the restricted airspace over North Korea and were mistaken for a foreign spy plane.
That's the end of a jolly man on a open sleigh.