Too hauntingly absurd

To look at directly

From any angle which might compel me

To rationality.

(then why glance at all?)

A stranglehold of self

Round any pretenses of grace

Persistent self-deception

(and even knowing this--I cannot face--)

Disgusting even that part of me

Which presents its self-obsessed arguments

So utterly convincingly.

(there is no salvation within)

Paralyzed, static

All choices made, all actions determined

No time left unaccounted

For diversions so erratic.

(what imagined loss torments me?)

False choice presented

A test; hardly one which I can--

Deny these countless blessings?

No, not even I.

(there is no salvation within)

And there is no closure to sin

Save damnation

There is no redress for any regrets

Save obliteration.

(and even so...I cannot face--)