The thing about Valentine’s Day is that it sucks for everybody. If you have someone, you get pissed off because all of your single friends resent you for having someone. If you don’t have someone, you resent your coupled friends for having someone. And all for what? Kisses, chocolates, flowers? There’s never any guarantee to forever, so what’s the point in pretending at all? There’s barely a chance that you’ll even be with them next year, so why should you be with them this year?

Toby says I’m being stupid. He says that some risks are worth taking, because there’s also a chance that you will be with them next year. I tell him he sounds like a chick—“Since when have you been all about true love?”

He sighs. “Jill, sometimes you’re just going to have to trust me.”

Toby is so annoying sometimes. Have I mentioned that? He’s my brother’s friend, so he’s always around. I’ve seen him drunk, in his underwear, soaking wet from the rain, in complete drag, crying at the end of summer camp. I know him as well as anybody could. But what I don’t understand is how he can still have hope. He’s been dumped about a thousand times—which, frankly, I don’t understand, because beneath all that obnoxiousness, he’s probably the coolest guy ever. He’s adorable, of course—he plays soccer with my brother, Jared. His mother is Caucasian and his father Mexican, resulting in dark brown hair and light brown skin, along with his dark green eyes and deep dimples in his cheeks. His dark-rimmed glasses are always in place, one lens hidden behind his constant curtain of hair. He’d always tease me about my own bangs, tugging at the ends and saying someday, they’d be as long as his.

He had a pin on his backpack that claimed, “La esperanza vive en mi corazón.” I asked him what it meant, once.

He smiled. “The hope is living in my heart.”

“What hope?” I wanted to ask him. “Why?” But I didn’t. Someday, I would ask again.

That day just happens to be Valentine’s Day. He’s been talking to Jared all morning, coaxing him to ask out Jenny Davis.

“I don’t like Jenny Davis!” Jared insists.

Of course, Toby’s just too stupid to realize that my brother is the gayest thing ever to walk the Earth. Jared was gay when I met him some seventeen years ago, back at the hospital when I was born, and he is gay now. What I don’t understand is why he hasn’t told Toby yet. I mean, jeez. They’ve been friends for nearly fifteen years.

“Jesus, Jay!” Toby yells at him. “I’ve been patient, I’ve been trying to let you tell me on your own terms. But Christ, when the hell are you just gonna fucking admit that you’re gay?”

Oh. So maybe he isn’t stupid. I cough. The boys notice nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Jared says quietly. “How did you…?”

“Like it wasn’t obvious,” Toby says derisively. I watch as his face softens. “God, Jared, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you’d…”

“I’d what?” Toby says angrily. “I’d stop being your friend? Don’t be retarded, Jared. You’ve been my best friend since before I knew what gay meant. When have I ever said or done anything that made you feel like I wouldn’t like you anymore?”

A little smile comes onto my brother’s face. “I can’t believe it,” he says, looking at me. “Can you believe this, Jill? He’s not mad at me because I’m gay, he’s just mad at me because I didn’t tell him.”

“I believe it,” I say dryly. “I’d be mad, too.”

“You were mad,” Jared remembers.

“I was,” I admit.

Toby seems to notice me for the first time this morning. “Hey, Jillie.”

“Hi.”

“How long have you known?”

I shrug. “A couple years, I guess. Seventeen years, to be exact.”

Toby laughs. “Weird. I only picked up on it around sixth grade.”

Jared looks startled. “Really?”

“Yes really, you dumbass. Don’t hide shit from me anymore, got it?”

Jared cracks a little smile, too. “Got it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jay. So, then, not Jenny Davis,” Toby continues, as though their conversation was never interrupted. “How about River Locke?” Jared and I both snort. Toby looks insulted. “What?”

“River Locke is so weird,” Jared says.

“I doubt he’s even gay,” I add.

“His eyes are too close together,” Jared says.

“I know, right?” I agree.

Toby looks between us. “Fine, then,” he says, shaking his head. “How about…Jamie Lewis?”

My eyebrows draw together. “Jamie Lewis the Theater Slut?”

“He’s not a slut, Jillian, don’t call him that,” my brother reprimands. “But I wouldn’t date him if my life depended on it—hey, my life does depend on it. That kid has so many STD’s…”

“Rude!” I exclaim. “And you tell me not to call him a slut!”

Toby laughs. “Well, then, who’d you like to take on our double date, then, Jay?”

Jared shrugs. “I don’t know. Who are you taking?”

“Not sure. Haven’t asked her yet.”

I roll my eyes. Another Conquest of Toby de la Cruz. He’s always got it into his head that he’s found the perfect girl, so he says, but then she ends up dumping him on his ass two seconds later. “Who is it this time, Toby?” I ask.

He grins. “It’s a secret.”

I shake my head. These boys, sheesh. “So don’t you like anyone, Jared?”

Jared shrugs again. “I don’t know. Dominic Anaya is kind of cute.”

“He IS, ISN’T he?” I shout.

Toby looks amused. “Dominic Anaya is gay?”

“Gay as… someone who’s really gay!” Jared states.

“Insightful,” I say.

“So we set you up with him.”

“But you still need a girl to take, Tobe,” Jared reminds him.

“I’ll call around, I guess. But I’m gonna call Dominic for you, okay?”

“Okay,” Jared grins.

XOXOX

Jared’s running around like a fourteen-year-old girl, screeching, “What am I gonna wear?” at the top of his lungs.

Toby and I sit side by side on Jared’s bed, watching him panic. It’s like a movie, almost. Jared’s metaphorical psychosis is just interesting—we’ve always joked that Jared was our favorite TV drama. “So have you got a date, Toby?” I ask casually.

“Nope,” he sighs. “And I feel bad for Jared and all, because I mean, he’s going to need some support on his date with Dominic. I mean, Christ. So I need to find somebody… but I don’t know who’d go.”

He looks at me through his glasses and bangs, blinking his green eyes innocently. “Um,” I say, “I mean, if you can’t find anyone else, I could go with you, if you want. To support Jared, I mean.”

“Huh,” he says, “I hadn’t thought of that. Yeah, no. That’d be… sure. Yeah, why don’t you be my date? Jared, it’s okay if I take Jill, right? I mean, all the other girls I called were busy.”

“All the other girls,” Jared mumbles, rolling his eyes, “Yeah, sure. You’re sure, Jill?”

“Yeah, sure,” I say, my heart pounding. Not that I like Toby or anything. Sheesh.

“Well, that’s good. It’s easier this way,” Toby relaxes against my brother’s headboard.

“Yep,” I agree.

The room is silent. “So,” Toby says, breaking it. “What movie are we going to see?”

“Ew, movies,” Jared and I say at the same time.

I think Toby raises his eyebrows, but it’s hard to tell with all that hair. “I thought that was the plan.”

“It was,” Jared says slowly. “But it’s V-day. Everyone’ll go to the movies.”

“Hmm,” Toby says. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Let’s go to Pizza Hut!” I say loudly.

“Romantic,” Toby says dryly.

“Exactly! No one else will go there!”

He thinks. “That might actually be a smart idea,” he finally says.

Jared nods, looking at himself in the mirror. “I’ll be right back, I need to get my hairbrush.”

“Dork,” Toby states as Jared leaves the room.

“But he’s our dork, yeah?” I say.

“My thoughts exactly.”

“How can you still want to go out on Valentine’s Day? You get dumped every other time you’ve done that.”

“Those girls were stupid. They were bitches.”

“And going with me is really going to help your Quest to Find True Love?” I ask.

He shrugs. “It’ll be comfortable going with you. It’ll make it better.”

I think about this. “But how can you still have hope that you’ll find somebody?”

“I’m only eighteen, Jill. I’ve plenty of time. Besides, sometimes you just have to have hope.”

“Is that what your pin’s about?” I ask. “La esperanza vive en tu corazón?”

“Sí,” he says, a little smile on his face. “La esperanza vive en mi corazón. I love it when you speak Spanish,” he adds.

I blush. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he says, still smiling. “It’s just so cute.”

“Uh, thanks, I guess. I mean, gracias.”

He laughs. “De nada.”

“Piensas debo hablar español más?”

“Yes. You sound good when you speak Spanish, you should speak it more.”

I laugh. “Gracias.”

Jared comes back in. “Aren’t you two going to get dressed?”

“Estoy vestida,” Toby and I say at the same time.

Jared stares at us. “Remind me why I took French when I have you psychos around?”

“I said I am dressed,” Toby clarifies. “That’s what Jill said, too, if you were wondering.”

“This is going to be a long night,” Jared complains.

“Es lo que ella dice,” I smirk.

Toby laughs, giving me a high five. “Perfect timing,” he says.

“What does that even mean?”

XOXOX

Toby tells me to put roses in my hair. “Why?” I ask him.

“So that when we all go out, all the other guys will be jealous.”

I blush. Jeez. Something about Toby just makes me do that, I guess. “Dominic won’t be,” I point out.

“Jill,” he says suddenly, “how much Spanish do you know?”

“Barely any,” I admit. “I dropped it after the first year.”

“Hmm.” He looks at me as I thread the roses through my golden hair. “Qué dirías si te dije te amo?”

My eyes meet his in the mirror. What would you say if I told you I love you? “I’d say I know enough Spanish for that one,” I say shakily.

“Te amo, Jill. He amado durante mucho tiempo.”

“What?” I know what he said; I’m simply startled. ‘What’ is the first thing that comes out.

“I said, I love you.”

“I know,” I whisper. He lets his fingers slide down my face, from my temple to my chin. I can barely see his eyes through his hair and glasses, but I know they’re watching me. “Te amo también.”

“Por qué no dices algo?” he asks, his hand resting at my lower back.

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if you’d love me back.”

“Niña tonta. Por supuesto.”

“Of course? Why of course?”

Toby sighs exasperatedly. “Cállate y déjame besarte.”

I do as he says, closing my eyes and allowing his lips to brush against mine softly. Then again, with more pressure. “Toby,” I say, when he starts to pull away.

“Yeah?”

“Did you even call any other girls?”

He gives a little smirk. “No. Did it make you jealous?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

And he kisses me again. “I think I might actually like Valentine’s Day.”

“Ho, ho,” he says sarcastically. “Muy interesante.”

“Does the hope still live in your heart?”

“No,” he says, drawing me closer, then whispering in my ear, “La esperanza vive en nuestros corazones.”

The hope lives in our hearts. I smile. I kind of guess it does.

So, this was part one. The straight part. The second part (the slash part) will be posted later today, or possibly early tomorrow, depending on how fast I can type it. It will involve Jared, and possibly Dominic. Also, I barely know any Spanish, so I apologize if the grammar is incorrect. I tried my best on that. Thank you for reading, and review, please! They mean oh-so-much. :)