i will not forgive you
the years of distress and devastation. a pattern of shame
and remorse sunken against my bones. little pink skirts
are for little girls, and army trucks for little boys
sorry i couldn't fit your lines,
your boxes,
the golden ideal of your minds. like a storm cloud
i came unwanted, brooded, wandered, showered
a barrage of expletives, & distraught christmas morning cries
one fucked up young lady. if i hadn't asked santa for
a penis
if i hadn't clogged toilets with decapitated heads of barbies,
would you have loved me then? here i am, standing
again in shoes that do not fit me. hello mother, good to
see you again, dear long lost enemy. come be a pariah with me. and next time,
when you are the one to be beaten and molested in the boys' bathroom at eleven years old
come talk to me about disappointment, frustration
and helplessness
because you never could shape me
into who
you thought
i
should
be.