|What's Left to Remember?
Author: PacificBlue PM
I'm walking. I don't know who I am. What happened. What's going on? There are people everywhere, but what even happened? A/n - rated M for language, some drug use, and suicide. It is a one-shot. Please R&R:Rated: Fiction M - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 1,482 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 02-15-09 - Status: Complete - id: 2635954
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/n - This is a one-shot. A warning beforehand, it does swear a lot, but if you read the summary, you must know that already. It is definitely mature rating, which you also should know if you even looked at the rating.
I am happy. The smoke, so sweet, so intoxicating. My lungs swell, full of this magical substance.
What am I doing?
Next thing I remember is walking down the street, colors seem to whirl past me. I'm laughing. Cars pause next to me, but who gives a fuck?
I start spinning. I'm dizzy. I don't know why, but I'm so fucking happy
I stop to throw up on the curb. It splatters a little on my shoes. I laugh. I stand and laugh.
What have I done?
I have stopped spinning. I'm walking again, I don't know if she's really there or not, but someone is next to me.
Are you okay? She says in a melodic voice. I smile, try to talk, but no words come out. I'm getting help.
Haha, I don't need help. You need help. It should be illegal to be this happy. I should share things like this with the whole world.
She leaves, looking back constantly, as though I would disappear suddenly. Why would I leave a magical place like this? The whole fucking town should know what it's like to be this happy.
I don't remember anything.
I leave the spot where she was.
Huh, I wonder what's up that building. I walk into a door to my left. I don't know where I am. I don't know why, but I'm on a set of stairs. I'm going higher, higher.
The next thing I know, I am falling, falling, falling. The wind rushes past my face, blowing my hair back, I feel like I'm flying. My clothes are tight against me, the forceful air pulling at me, almost like it's picking me up, stopping my fall.
When I reach the bottom, it's soft. The world is a pillow. The ground sinks in under my body. The colors of the world are fading, and then growing stronger.
Oh god, is that a car? I think to myself. I can't stand, I can't move.
But I feel amazing.
There are people. Who are they? I don't see one familiar face.
There's a siren. I laugh to myself, what is that car doing here?
That girl from before, I don't remember her that well, but she seems worried. The quickly looks at me once, then rushes to a man in white.
Please, can you help? Can you fucking help him? She screams. What does she mean by help me? I'm doing just fine. I smile and laugh.
The man in white comes over and holds the veins in my wrist. I laugh, loudly at first, then gradually getting softer.
What did you do, boy? He says quietly, and tells more people to get stretcher.
I push him away, I'm fine, but why won't the words come out?
I'm in a car. The car is speeding somewhere. The girl from before is here. Her eyes are pretty, I think.
You're so fucked up.
I wake up, covered in bandages, and lying in a white room. My head pounds furiously, my body aches.
Where did the happiness go?
You're awake! She squeals and jumps to hug me. Her hug hurts.
Who is she? What did I do?
I laugh it off, and ask, where am I? She responds by saying hospital, we're in a hospital.
I ask her who she is.
Her smiles drops from her face, her eyes fill with tears. I'm, nobody.
I insist on knowing. She turns and stomps out of the room.
More people come in. They check a heart monitor on the small table next to me, and they check the few needles in my arms. I watch carefully. I still don't know what happened.
The day moves slowly, minute by minute.
Day by day.
I don't know how fucking long I've been here, but I want to leave.
I crave something, deeply, strongly. Everyday the need is worse. What am I craving?
After who knows how long, I'm released.
You have to go to rehab.
Who knows how many people told me that. I was also told that I was going to ship off to who knows where.
I'm not leaving.
I smile to everyone who sees me; I give my mom a pat on the back, and my father a manly hug.
Wait, were they my parents?
I don't know anymore.
I leave the hospital, and walk down the street. I feel better than ever, but something is missing inside me.
I see her. The girl.
Wait, I scream to her. She runs around the corner.
I chase her.
She's fast, but I'm faster. I chase her for one more block, before we stop in front of that same building as before.
The one I fell off of. Wait, I fell?
She runs in. I follow. She's goes into a room. I go into the same room.
She smiles. I'm glad you came.
I smile back. She's familiar, but how? Was she my girlfriend, sister, or maybe cousin?
She hands me a pile of white substance.
It's so tempting.
I don't know how, or why, but I want it.
What is it?
I have no clue; I don't even remember my name at the moment.
She hands me paper with it in it. I smile, and set it on fire with a lighter from the bedside table.
Was that always there?
I fill my lungs with smoke. I'm taken aback by how strong it is. It's amazing. It's wonderful.
She smiles back. I take her hand and kiss it lightly. She giggles.
The door bursts open.
What the hell are you doing?
I don't know. The person grabs a phone. Where did you even get that? Aren't you supposed to be in rehab?
She gave it too me. I say this simply, matter of factly.
The phone crashes to the floor.
Who's 'she'? He stares open mouthed.
She's right here.
I point to my side, where she sits, watching the scene unfold with wide eyes.
She was also with me yesterday, she got me help.
He looks right at her; he must be blind not to see her.
I got you help.
I laugh at this ridiculous, outrageous statement.
No you didn't.
He picks the phone up, calmly, quietly. Okay, she got you help, can you tell me what she looks like?
Long hair, dark blue eyes, mid height. Pretty. But why can't you see her?
He nods, and mutters something into the receiver.
I take a long drag. Letting the smoke enter me, feels right. Feels good.
I stand up. He blocks the door. I shove by and run up the stairs.
He chases after me. The girl is following close behind him.
I reach the top. At this point I'm soaring, higher than the clouds, higher than the moon. I feel great. It's so amazing.
I walk to the edge. I look over the town. Quiet, beautiful.
I smile to him, and wave.
Wait! He jumps to my side and grabs my arm. Don't effing jump, don't do this to me!
Tell me who she is, and I won't.
Wait, I was going to jump?
There are cars gathering. I wondered whom he called.
Okay, do you promise that you won't jump if I tell you?
I nod, and to show my point, I step down from the ledge.
He draws in a huge breath, it seems forever until he's done. I decide to smoke more while I'm waiting.
You're fiancée. She's dead.
You must have imagined her. Or, in some cases, me as her.
The world crumbles around me. The whole fucking thing comes back.
The memories I had covered oh so carefully come flooding the fuck back.
How I lived,
How she didn't.
I remember my first attempt.
Overdose, fucking failure.
The addictions I gained, the worried family members.
I don't want to live without her.
I walk to the edge. Time is moving slowly. Behind me, the man, now I remember to be her brother, was yelling to me, trying to catch me.
The cars gathered below, my parents standing front and center.
Only this time there's no pillow to catch my fall.