They say you never forget your first love.

I never believed that until it happened to me. I still remember it, as if it were yesterday. I was a freshman, he was a senior. Zach Thomas. That's his name and what a perfect name it is. To me he was perfect. WE met at a High-School football game. My best friend, Jane, introduced us. When I met Zach I actually had a boyfriend. He was a big, burly, thick headed football player. Josh Peters. Ugh. To this day his name still makes me cringe. But anyways back to the story. Zach and I talked the whole night and he asked for my number. We called and sent each other texts all the time. It was only a matter of time until I started to feel something for him. We talked about everything, I found out he wanted to be in the Marines after he graduated. The thought of never seeing him again hurt me more then I would like to admit. The crush progressed, and progressed, and progressed until I felt my self falling. Falling like Alice down a very, very deep rabbit whole. I was Alice and he was my wonderland. I felt terrible about feeling this way when I had a boyfriend so I broke it off with Josh. I did have help doing that though. My friends gave me an intervention. Apparently I was in an abusive relationship. I never knew, I thought the calls wondering where I was and who I was with, were out of caring. So with Josh out of the picture I was able to fully flirt with Zach guilt free. Well as it turns out Zach and his Ex had been talking about getting back together. So me being me, I tried to help him. I was there to help him get his feelings sorted out and helped him figure out what to do. He loved her. Three days after he told me how he felt about her, he asked her out. I feigned happiness for him. That was the first night, of many, that I cried over Zach Thomas

Zach and Liz dated for a while and during that time, if he ever needed me, ever, I was there. I only wanted him to be happy, even if that meant he wasn’t with me. It was about a month and a half later that I got a call from Zach. Liz broke up with him. He was devastated. It didn’t take him too long to recover and next thing I knew he was trying to move on. And move on he did.

Her name was Monica and boy was Zach smitten. Everytime we talked it was Monica this, Monica that, or today Monica blah, blah, blah. Again I tried to help him with her too. Unfortunately Monica didn't 'believe in high school relationships'. I knew it was a crock of bull but I didn’t have the heart to tell Zach. He figured it out shortly after. Then of course came the most heartbreaking crush.

He decided he wanted Jane.

Jane, my best friend since diapers, my sister! He decided he wanted her. I never cried so hard in my life. Jane, however, wanted nothing to do with Zach.

You see Zach used to have a little problem with drugs, I helped him through it but Jane wasn’t convinced. She was also madly in love with her boyfriend Brian Rollands. Personally I hated Brian, Zach did too. Gee go figure he would hate her boyfriend. Anyways, I tried to convince him that Jane would be a wasted effort. But still he persisted.

He did notice, however, amongst his teenage hormones, that something was amiss with me. So as a solution he introduced me to his friend Scott Smith. Scott was a sweet boy but he was just too…clingy. Yes that’s a good word for him, clingy. After a week of knowing me he claimed he loved me. He even talked about marriage! Here I was a 15 year old girl and an 18 year old was talking about marrying me. It was just too much responsibility to take on at that point in my life. I mean I was still a kid for crying out loud. I told him I needed him to slow things down but he got so depressed and I felt awful. I asked Zach for help and he did, thankfully. Scott agreed to slow things down.

That same night Zach and I were talking, as usual, something was…different about him. He asked if I was happy. Then he told me I should always be happy because I deserve it, then he told me he loved me. I was so happy he had said it I sent it back right away. He sent a smiley and that was the end of our conversation. After that I really thought about how much I cared about him.

Finally it hit me.

He was my first thought in the morning and last thought before bed. All I wanted was to see him happy, even if he wasn’t with me. I constantly checked my phone to see if he called or texted me, just to see if he was thinking about me as much as I thought about him.

By God…

I was in love with him!

For those of you who don't know this, loving and being in love are two different things. Loving is what you feel for family, pets, or good friends. Being in love is what you feel for a significant other. Feeling like you can't live without that person.

So I did the only thing I could do. I summoned the courage to tell him how I felt. The conversation actually started with me telling him I was in love and telling him about the guy. Then the conversation got a bit more focused.

"You know who it is, who I am talking about?" I asked eventually, sick of beating around the bush.

"Of course I do."

"Well then just tell me already." I sent the text and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

My phones vibration sent me scrambling for my phone.

"You know me. I cant be there for you emotionally. Only physically." The response made my skin feel like I was bathing in needles. My eyes burned with unshed tears. Then as if a floodgate was opened the tears rolled down my face, and hit my hand like bullets.

That night, amidst the tirade of tears, I realized I needed to move on. I would never be anything more to him.

Five months later he left for the Marines and I slowly moved on. I stopped thinking about him as much. I had my fair share of flings but nothing serious. None of them were him.

Soon I found myself with a graduation cap and a disgusting smelling old blue robe on at my high school graduation.

That Fall I was going to NIU to be a psychologist. I moved out of my parents house and in with my best friends Jane and Sally. Jane was going to Art school and Sally was going to work on Video Game design. During those four years of my life I learned a lot. Mainly about who I was.

My name is Samantha Bradley and my story starts my first year out of college.