“You look so cute when you scream.” He said.

I punched him in the shoulder, “I cannot believe you just said that!” I smiled at him.

I lay on his bed, he’d gotten up to get a drink, “Want some more?”

“I’m pregnant remember?” I said pointedly, “Hell yeah I want some.”

He looked from me, to the bottle, and back again, “Right, you’ve had enough already. Don’t want your precious cargo getting any defects because of me. That would lead to questioning, and seeing as neither of us wants this thing getting discovered…”

He left the sentence open ended, knowing both of our opinions on the matter.

Zack was just helping me with my…intimacy issues. That was it. Once this thing was over, we’d just act like we’d never seen each other in our lives.

I laughed harder, “Yeah, sure. You know you want to get me drunk and knock me up. Hell, it’s already been done.”

He was quiet for a minute, “You’re really messed up, you know that?”

I stopped laughing, “Yeah and you’re a real dick.” I retorted.

He laughed briefly, “One that you apparently didn’t want to … what was it you were yelling? ‘don’t stop! Oh god! Oh my god!’ and other variations which, I won’t even mention right now.”

I glared at him.

“I hate it when you do that, you know. It...” I sighed, “Never mind.”

He walked back over to the bed and got in, pulling the sheets up to his shoulders, snaking his arms around my waist, pulling me towards his front, “What is it babe? What’s wrong?”

His voice was all wrong for those words. The voice that should be saying those things was Bryan’s voice, Bryan’s calm, warm, welcoming voice. The voice that was filled with excitement and wonder and joy when I told him I was pregnant. The voice that induced my tears at that moment.

Zach didn’t know what to do, he kissed my cheeks, trying to sooth me, saying, “It’s okay, shhh, it’s alright. You’ll be fine, I’m here.”

His voice was just all wrong.

My body wracked with sobs. I pushed him away, as hard as I could.

“Jenny, what the hell is wrong with you?” he said.

“Just shut up!” I screamed, “Leave me the hell alone!” I began to tear at my hair, “Go away!” I sobbed and screamed.

“Ok Jen, whatever you want.” He said, throwing his hands up in the air, “I’m not gonna argue with your pregnant hormones, god knows I’d end up dead in a ditch.”

I laughed briefly, “You know who else ends up in ditches?” I smiled maniacally.

“Who?” he asked.

“Prostitutes.” I replied shortly.

“God Jen, you’re crazy.” He said, “I never want to be pregnant ... not that I can or anything, it just seems like it’d be a bitch.”

“Yeah, well you’re an asshole. And it is a bitch. You’re a bitch. This whole thing’s a motherfucking bitch.” I said definitively.

He just stared at me, “Yeah,” he paused, looking me over, “You are pregnant.”

“Just shut up! Shut the hell up!” I yelled, “I’m going home. You stupid goddamn bitch!”

At that moment, all I wanted was Bryan. Bryan’s arms around me, Bryan’s voice in my ear telling me everything would be alright. All I wanted was Bryan. In my rush, I got up from the bed too fast, the world started spinning around me. Within two seconds I was on the floor.

“Woah, Jen are you okay?” Zach said, kneeling down on the floor to try to help me up.

As soon as he touched my arm, that familiar spark ran through it.

Once again, I jerked my arm away, “Go away!” I screamed, “Leave me alone! Stop touching me! You’re wrong! You’re all wrong! You’re not supposed to say those words! They’re not yours to say!”

“Ok Jen,” he said, trying to calm me down, “Ok, I won’t say them. It’s okay. Everything will be alright.”

He approached me, slowly, as if any sudden movement would break me into pieces. Which it very well may have. Gently, he hugged me. When I didn’t push him away, he pulled me closer and kissed my neck. First the middle of it, then the top, then the nape. Softly, he moved to kiss my bare shoulder, and then he moved again to kiss the length of my collar bones. When he reached the joining of my collar bones, he planted a kiss there, one that lasted a few seconds too many.

I gave in. I was broken already, what’s the point in trying to stay whole when everything inside screams at you to give in? The pain inside me dulled to a numbness I welcomed with open arms.