Underneath it All

(Behind that smile are feelings you don’t want to show.

When the time comes, I want to hold you when you break free of your emotions.

I’ve already made a vow to always protect your smile,

Even if I live on, painfully aware of this unrequited love I hold for you.)

The nighttime rain continued on, raindrops pelting on the windows of the room.

“It hurts…” She would mumble in her sleep from time to time, new tears welling up in her closed eyes. As they started to spill out against her will, warm fingers brushed against her face to wipe them off.

He had been watching over from a chair nearby, his citrine eyes glued to the floor most of the time, though periodically checking up on the sleeping female form on his bed. The white earphones of the iPod were plugged into his ears, occupying him with sound while he had slicked his light brown hair back. He was not playing loud music to drown out everything around him, but soft ones to calm himself down and to hear the female that was in the same room as him.

Wiping away her tears as a soothing tune passed by, Hideki was doing all he could trying not get angry at the source of the sadness that caused the strong willed girl to be vulnerable at this moment. But it was very difficult for him to have some sort of self-control on it as the mere thought of the person who did this made his body shake with fury.

How dare you… Resentment burned in his musings as he got off of the chair and carefully, so not to stir her, sat onto the bedside as lightly as he could. You go around and hang out with them… I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex, but… The possibility of Hitomi-chan growing feelings for you didn’t even bother crossing your mind, huh?

Stupid idiot; you may be a lady killer of sorts, but you didn’t even think that, at least, one girl would love you so much. Now that you had a fight with her and pushed her emotions to the limit, which resulted in hurting her, she had finally said the emotions she wanted to tell you for a long time… But not with tears of joy, but crying because she was in such unbearable pain.

“Keiya…” He growled the other boy’s name out with evident hate, petting the girl’s black, damp hair.

He had recalled the memory from hours earlier, hearing another sad note pass by his ear…

- - -

Hideki had seen Hitomi storm off from the dorm Keiya and her stayed in together. After having punched his comrade in the face the moment he had seen the girl run away in such a shaken state, but Rai had restrained him from doing any more damage, he had set off to find her.

Although he was feeling grim, noticing that it was raining outside, he wasn’t going to hold back easily on searching for the one girl he had considered as his best friend and, internally, as the person he truly cared about…

He looked all over the academy grounds, asking friends and teachers if they had seen her. With unsatisfactory results due to what they’ve reported, he continued on, not caring if it would even take him all day to seek her out. He even stopped by the Ai no Kisetsu café to see if she had reported in for work and knowing that Hotaru was carrying out her waitress duties with her little sister figure. Alas, the older beauty had not seen her either, so he continued to pursue.

There was one place he had not looked and it wasn’t entirely impossible. Thinking she could be there, he had made note on it and went up the school roof. And there he had found her, under the rain and all. She was drenched from head to toe, the red ribbon that was present in her hair gone as long, black hair floated around her due to the wind.

When he called her name in a low voice, Hitomi had turned around, meeting his concerned eyes with an emotionless stare. Her black eyes were now lifeless as if they had turned into a void. Hideki didn’t know what to do or say; he wanted to reach out to her, but he felt that she might have negative reactions to any sort of support, wanting to push him away.

As she approached him, he had wondered what she was going to do. He concluded that she may brush past him and act like she wanted to be alone or pretended nothing between Keiya and her happened.

She trudged to him slowly, looking like she was going to fall down any moment for it seemed like she couldn’t hold herself up. Without even a second thought in her mind, Hitomi was in front of him.

Lightly pressing her forehead on his chest, her neutral face immediately broke into a painful expression, her voice shaking and quiet as it laced with hurt.

“Why…?” She whimpered as she dared not meet her best friend’s eyes, clenching both hands into tight fists at her sides as she clenched her teeth, body convulsing more. “Why does this hurt so much…? I was finally able to truly open up little by little… I did all I could to show that there was more to me than being a tomboy… I did my best to change, right?”

As she spoke, Hideki could sense the tears coming through her voice, which he could see that she was trying to hold back.

She replaced her forehead with her arm, distancing herself from the older boy by that much like she was too wounded to be near anyone else, like she didn’t want to open her heart to anyone anymore.

“So, why… Why does it have to hurt like this? It’s really painful.” She continued on, hands still in fists as she was still trying to hold back her cries. “It feels like my heart got ripped out of my chest—”

Unable to see her like this anymore, Hideki snatched her arm out of the way and, before she could do anything, pulled her into a tight embrace. He was very angry on what Keiya had done and, as he hugged her in a way that he didn’t want to let her go, helpless while witnessing the emotionally strong girl crumble right before his very eyes, exposing her vulnerability.

Feeling the impact of this gesture, gripping the back of his shirt tightly as her arms caught him, Hitomi ducked her head into his chest and started to sob loudly.

“It hurts…!” She cried out as the tears—mixing with rain—fell down her face. “My heart hurts…! It really hurts!”

He couldn’t say anything because he didn’t know what to say, so he still kept his arms around her, one hand stroking her hair. As he stayed quiet, he let the girl cry on him as much as she needed to, as much as she wanted to let out.

- - -

Seeing Hitomi crying more tears in her sleep, Hideki gently wiped them off. Switching off his iPod and taking out the earphones, he went back to sit in the chair that was right by the bed for that it would be considered as wrong if he were to sleep by his friend’s side.

Though, perhaps aware or not, her hand reached out to grab his, squeezing it.

His eyes went wide, seeing this. Though it looked like she was still slumbering, she was mumbling something under her breath…

“Please, stay… I don’t want you to be far away from my side…”

With a kind smile, though the sadness lingered, he lowered his head down to give her a soft kiss on her forehead as he squeezed her hand in return, letting their fingers intertwine together.

“I said I would protect you from anything that would hurt you…” He said in a quiet voice, more to himself than her as he leaned back on the chair was sitting on. “Without hesitating, even at the cost of my life, I swore that I would always look after you…”

Even if anything means Keiya himself.

But I will not say these sentiments for you out in the open. I’m satisfied with you just being here with me… Even though you have someone else in your heart, even if you can’t see these emotions, I’ll always, always watch over your happiness.

And that’s because… I love you.