Screen Name: Londoner*Beth

Blog Subject: Jane Austin has a lot to answer for!!!

Date: 1st January

Sorry that your super hero Super Beth hasn’t posted for months (More like days but it feels like months) but I’m posting now!

First thing you do when moving into a new house:

Connect the internet to your laptop.

That was the first thing I did when we pulled up onto the drive of Willow Cottage. Yippee (!). I’m officially part of the countryside *shudder*. I stepped out the car, straight into a puddle (ruining new Babychams) and into the house to discover wireless connection. Did not find one. Yippee again (!).

My name is Elizabeth Bennet (As you all know already lol). My darling mother is obsessed with Jane Austin; she was so overcome with marrying someone with the surname Bennet that she fainted twice when dad asked her to marry him. I’m really not surprised there marriage ended last year, I’m amazed Mum found someone new at all think they must have overlooked the fact that everyone in our family has a Jane Austin connection:

Me – Elizabeth Jane Bennet

Sister – Emma Lydia Bennet

Brother – Charles Darcy Bennet

The Dog – Dashwood (The poor dog)

The Cat - Kitty (Named either after Kitty Bennet or the fact that it is a cat)

The only people to escape this torture of being named after every thing Jane Austin were Colin’s (New Step-Dad and MEGA twat) kids Jackson (Still a stupid name according to Emma) Chloe and Jason.

It was Jane Austin II’s (Mom) idea to move to the country to “pursue the fresh air and take in the culture”. I could kill her! She’s dragged us to the countryside, and I literally mean dragged. Well in my case anyway. I didn’t want to leave London. It’s beautiful; the river, the landmarks, the shops. I beat Kate Moss hasn’t even been to the TopShop around here let alone opened her new line here. And I 100% sure that they don’t hold premieres at whatever cinemas they have around here. Do they even have cinema’s or TopShop here?

Note to Self: Find Out

GAHHHH!

Her Royal Highness Miss Austin has just screeched at me to get downstairs, get my stuff out the car, bring it in the house then bring then upstairs. Then she said something about me “vexing” her.

I’ll vex her in a minute

Peace Out Readers, I’ll write more soon if I don’t die first!

Chapter One

The Back and Beyond!

“Elizabeth! Move those boxes now! Dear god child you do vex me something terrible!” Cried one Joanna Jacob-Bennet, mother and bane of my existence. I knew she’d come charging up the stairs determined to piss me off, and soon enough two minutes later I heard the distinct sound of heels stabbing the carpet of my staircase. “My goodness child do you deliberately irritate me for your own humour? Now get downstairs.” I rolled my eyes and sloped off downstairs in my mud ruined trainers.

It took three days for my room to resemble me. The first was spent unpacking everything I owned. Clothes, DVD’s, Books, CD, Make-up and hair stuff, shoes and posters, photos, concert tickets etc.

The second day was spent sticking up posters and other wall related items. This took along time as I save everything I stick it on my wall. Posters of favourite bands, singers, movies etc, photo’s of friends (and there were a lot of photos), tickets from concerts I had been to including Download last year, NME Award (last years and this years), McFly (Lauren, best mate, wanted to go and made me go) and countless others also there were things I just couldn’t throw out like the receipt from TopShop that Kate Moss signed.

And on the third I rested. Basically I was planning what I was going to wear for school Monday. I had been delighted when Mom found out from local gossip (Mrs Potter, beard, bushy eyebrows, possibly was born a man) who runs the post office that the local high school hasn’t had a uniform since last summer when all the students went on a protest (They turned up for school only in underwear and demanded that uniform be abolished. Seriously. I’m shocked. Humoured but shocked). So this means that I need to plan what I am going to wear with precision. Possible choices are:

H&M checked black shirt with jeans and black pumps

Sweet ‘n’ Sour Dubble Bubble t with jeans and trainers

Or whatever’s on my floor in the morning

I’m thinking of going with first choice. Third choice might end up with me wearing jammies to school. Not good look.

I rolled over off my bed and clattered to floor. I heard the door open, I glanced up to see Jack (Jackson) starring at me, a small smirk was etched onto his face.

“Jane Austin wants you down for dinner.” He said sniggering slightly.

“Whatever” I grumbled getting up of the floor. Jack had closed the door in face so I ripped it open and found myself face to face with Chloe. What can I say about Chloe without using the words bitch, bimbo or airhead? Ok I cannot say anything about her without saying those words.

“Watch where you’re going freak.” She spat glaring up at me. I loved the fact I towered nine inches above her! At 5’7ft I wasn’t the tallest person in the world but considering Chloe was three months older than me I took pleasure in her looking like a hobbit.

“Sorry didn’t see you down there midget.” I said sneering. I pushed past her and slid down the banister and into our new dinning room.

“Have you finished doing your room?” Mother asked me smiling.

“Yeap, you can no longer see the ugly walls.” I said winking.

“You’ve covered your entire room with useless items?” Mother asked rising her eyebrows.

“I’d hardly call tickets to the NME awards ‘useless’” I said.

“I would, NME sucks.” Chloe said sneering sitting opposite me.

“As apposed to Rhianna?” Jason asked. I grinned at Jason from across the table, he was the only new sibling I could stand.

“Whatever Jason” Chloe said rolling her eyes.

“Oh Elizabeth, Charles rang earlier on, apparently half of his wardrobe got mixed up in the move and nearly all of his shirts and jackets are missing.” Mother said passing round plates.

“They’re not missing, I commandeered um” I said shovelling food into my mouth. “His Topman hoodies are comfy as hell” I said grinning. My mother simply rolled her eyes. Charles has just moved to university and I took it upon myself to save some of his clothes form the life of being thrown on his rather than mine.

“Ew, gross. You wear guy’s clothes?” Chloe said.

“Yeah it’s a real pleasure of mine.” I said mockingly to Chloe. “You should see me when I wear their underwear. It’s a total clothes-gasm” I added winking at her. Jason snorted while Chloe looked shocked. Mother ignored me while everyone else around the table looked about as shocked as Chloe. “I guess orgasm jokes aren’t allowed at the table.” I asked while Jason continued to snigger.

Screen Name: Londoner*Beth

Blog Subject: EVERYONE SAVE ME

Date: 4th January

Bloggers and fellow friends of the world unite and save me from Willow Cottage! I HATE IT SO MUCH HERE!!! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I MISS LONDON SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finished typing and hit publish. School tomorrow and I’m frigging scared as hell!