A Walk Inside my Head

It's a room lit by blinding darkness. The walls are midnight with constellations of stars flying around, telling their stories and singing their songs. To irrational in this world is the most logical thing to do. You see Catch-22s every other moment, and the midst of all, there is a flower in the middle, with scarlet, silky petals hued with a golden dew. This flower is warm and alive, breathing and growing and progressing constantly. It is beginning to blossom, showing the order of nature that tends to impose itself over chaos generally. This world, this place, this home, it is never stable, never safe, never sure of anything. And by being this way, it ensures that it always be free. By allowing hell to be possible, one can assure a spot in heaven. Voices can be heard constantly, those belonging to people who are known, and those whose masters remain a mystery. Nothing is constant in chaos. Yet, this chaos will not forever be.

There is more than one flower in this chaos.

This world is home to one more conceivable form. A glass sphere, icy to the touch, guarded by frozen, cerulean petals and metallic leaves, protecting the orb which protects something else. This flower is connected to it's scarlet counterpart, each of who's stems intertwine as their roots sink into oblivion together. For so long, these two have been dormant beside one another. But this slumber will not forever be.

As afore mentioned, within the icy flower is an orb, and with that orb is something else. A person. A mind. A heart. A soul. No one has captured her, she crafted her sphere and flower. They protect her from what she fears, for she is scared. So horribly scared, so frightened that only the rhythm of her falling tears can lull her to sleep, only to awaken from a nightmare and start the cycle anew. Alone, in her icy world, numb to the existence around her, she chooses this path, and why? Because she is scared.

Of what? Of life.

The orb allows her to interact with the world, but not be alive in it. She can harm but never be hurt. She can lover, but never be loved. She is forever safe, and therefore, in constant pain. This way existing has been her only way. But this way will not forever be.

Her leaves have protected her thus far, but the plant they stem from is beginning to wilt, and the leaves grow smaller as the flower they rely on opens more and more. Her orb is her last defense, her only protection, from the chaos of the worlds, our reality and the chaos. She is scared, so incredibly deeply frightened. She wants to scream, cry, break things, but she cannot. She will not. She won't allow harm to come to others just because of her own insecurities. And so, the girl guarded by glass, tortures herself, hurts herself, sabotages herself. She has her whole life, short as it may seem to some. Her body holds countless scars, but not enough to surpass those inside her. Her heart is weary from such abuse, everything is tired. A painful existence has always been hers. But her existence as this will not forever be.

Suddenly! Golden dew drops, as red petals open, as heat melts blue petals, as metallic leaves are washed away! The Sphere cracks in two as the first scream this realm has ever heard is released.

And her orb, it is no more. And her petals, a puddle at her feet. And her leaves float away into unknown reaches among chaos. The girl has heard her own voice. For the first time she sees the world for what it is, whatever it is. And her fear has been washed away with the leaves. She stands on her feet. She takes a step. She walks. She runs! Her heart is beating and she's out of breath, but oh her smile! It is as warm as her orb was cold. She lies down and sleeps, without a nightmare to scare her.

When she awakens, she is in a bed. It is her bed. She is in a room. It is her room. Where is the chaos? It is in her head? Where is the scarlet flower? Her dress is made from it's petals. She is alive, so frighteningly alive, but in her heart there is not a single fear. Who broke the spell, who saved her from the cold, who nurtured the scarlet flower and allowed it to bloom? Her loves. Anyone that cared, everyone who cared, saved this girl from herself, from her chaos.

She lives, this girl. In her mind, Chaos still lives, but alongside it rule Reason, Passion, and most of all Love. She is not perfect, she is different from the others she meets, but with her flower in bloom and a hope in her soul, she moves and lives. She hurts and is now hurt. She loves and now feels love returned. She knows that she can be hurt, that she can feel pain, that she can die. She knows and reminds herself every day, but now she is fair, and can feel. She can take risks and try and reach out to others. She lives now, a scarlet flower in her mind and a warm person to become.