Thanks again for the reviews! :)

purplexperfect : thanks for both of your reviews! and thanks for the comment on the rating, much appricated. :)

runnergal : i know exactly how you feel! believe it or not, sadly enough this story is based upon something thats happened to me. I've added much more drama of course. ;) but still, I've had the over-smothering friend of the boy you adore, and its just not nice. us girls stick together eh? lol! and don't worry, in this chapter you find out just what happened to Ellie... ;)

Chapter 4 -Skeleton In The Closet

I could feel something burning my eyelids, despite the fact they were closed. This wasn’t my only problem. I could feel a definite thudding in the back of my brain and my throat felt dry. I was hung-over, great. But that didn’t explain the burning behind my eyelids. My curtains were so thick they blocked out even the light in the middle of the day. I slowly managed to peel my eyes opened to see the window wide open, the curtains weren’t closed. Ah, that explained things.

Wait.

It didn’t explain why I wasn’t in my room. And it definitely didn’t explain the warm body next to me.

It took me a good five seconds to finally realise I was in Ben’s room.

It didn’t take long after that for me to realise just who the warm body beside me belonged too.

After this discovery the memories of the night before suddenly came rolling back. A little hazy, true, I couldn’t expect to have a crystal clear memory of the night before, not with all the alcohol I’d consumed. That’s when it hit me. I’d lost my virginity. In a drunken fumble. My heart faltered a beat, I’d even swear it stopped for a good second. I’d always read the stories about girls in magazines who’d lost their virginity when they were drunk and had always regretted it, I’d sworn to never flit away something so important just like that.

But now I had.

Although deep down I knew that if it was with Ben, it would never be a drunken fumble. At least not to me. Ben had Ellie, why would this be anything important to him? But the way he’d held me… The way he’d kissed me… I could feel a blush burning my cheeks just at the thought of it, instantly checking that the covers were wrapped securely around my naked body, hiding everything from view. For the first time I started to feel hope. A small smile pushed its way to the surface of my lips, surely Ben wouldn’t have ruined our friendship for a drunken shag? It must have meant something more to him. I found myself wishing with every inch I had that he returned my feelings, just as I had only yesterday when Olivia had presented me with a birthday cake. The same wish I’d wish every year since I was 12. You think the powers that be would grant a poor girl the wish, after 12 years of asking for it? Hopefully now they had.

Butterflies had begun to twist and turn in my stomach, I could almost feel their wings fluttering, tickling the lining of my tummy. I had to bite down on my lip to suppress a childish giggle. This wasn’t me, it was like some giddy five year old who’d definitely had more than enough sugar had taken over my mind and body. But if this was how it felt to even dream Ben returned my feelings, I couldn’t wait to find out how it would feel if he did.

Slowly, nervously, I rolled over on my side to face him. His eyes were shut, his mouth was parted gently in sleep. He looked like an angel. I don’t throw such compliments around often, I know many people do. Even when Ben’s awake I wouldn’t describe him as angelic. He’s good looking obviously, but there’s a life - a twinkle to him - something that doesn’t seem so good and innocent. But when he’s sleeping its as if that mask is washed away to reveal an angel. Yeah, an angel.

I want to reach out and touch him, just a gentle stroke of his cheek. He won’t mind, he won’t even realise… It looks so smooth, at least his skin does, there’s a small layer of stubble on his jaw now, but nothing that would lessen his looks if he were to leave it. My hands reaching out, my fingertips are stretching open, almost there, he won’t even know…

My hands is hovering in mid-air when his eyes snap open. Like a fool I instantly drop it, a small, nervous smile claiming my lips as I await his reaction. First he looks cute as he blinks himself from sleep, obviously wondering the first thoughts I had. Then comes the confusion, a look washing across his face which tells me he can’t work out exactly what I’m doing here.

“Shit.”

One word. That’s all it takes. One word and I’m that five year old again. But I’m not the hyped up one I was before. I’m the friend of that child, the one who has to watch on while her other half enjoys the sugar rush, one that her mother has denied from offering the sweetness of a lollipop then pulling it from their stubby fingers.

Now I sit up, I can’t bare to be beside him anymore. I feel dizzy and somehow I know its not the alcohol to blame. My hearts beating faster and I can’t quite regain my sense of the situation, I cling desperately onto the crinkled cream sheet, hugging it around myself almost as if it were a protective shield. I know this is it for me and Ben. He obviously doesn’t feel the same and we’ll never be friends again, not after this.

Suddenly a warm hand on my shoulder but I flinch away. I don’t want to hear his apologies or his reassurances everything will be okay, I know it won’t.

“Abs…” He says softly, the same way he always does and I almost crack. My head moves just an inch, my eyes burn for his but my head won’t let them.

It seems this inch is all he needs to convince himself to go for it. His fingers tighten around my shoulder and attempt to pull me back.

“Abs, look at me.” He pleads, the tone is clear in his voice, he’s begging.

Soon I can bare it not more and I crane my neck to catch his gaze, it takes me a while to register the mix of emotions in it. Sadness. Apology. Pleading. And is that regret…?

“It shouldn’t have been like this. Not for you.” He says, and I know he’s remembered. He’s stolen my purity and there’s nothing he can do to return it. I can tell he’s blaming himself, I know that by just a simple look in his eyes, we’ve been friends for too long for him to be able to hide it.

I attempt to talk but I find my throat is dry, after a few useless attempts to swallow I crack open my lips. “You regret it.” I whisper eventually as I finally find my voice and his whole body sags, his shoulders slump forward and his gaze drops from mine, now suddenly very interested in the Egyptian cotton sheets.

“Abs I’ve got Ellie…” He mumbles, the words erupting from his mouth almost as if he has to force them every inch of the way. “Sure we’re fighting but… You… You’re my best mate.” He says weakly, his eyes finally picking back up from the sheet and attempting to find mine again but I make sure he fails, instantly averting my gaze to the coffee-coloured wall behind him.

“You’re mine too.” I assure him after a moment, this is the truth. Even if I’ve always wanted more from him, Ben’s been the best friend I could have wished for.

“Which is why… Why we shouldn’t get mixed up like this.” He says after a moment, I catch him nodding out of the corner of my eye, I guess he’s trying to convince himself his words are the right ones. “Its me and you. Not me-and-you. Best friends. Nothing funny. We can’t hurt each other. You can be the one that’s there for me always. The one who always makes it better.” He tells me and I can hear a wondering in his voice. I know now that he’s thought about this before. Thought about me before. He’s considered sharing my feelings… This thought doesn’t bring the happiness it had before, not even a shiver of thrill as I would have expected. It brings nothing but a lead balloon in the pit of my stomach. Sure he’s had these thoughts, but he’s pushed them away. So that means there’s nothing. No hope, no chance it could all work out for us in the end.

I want to beg with him, plead him to change his mind. Reconsider his feelings, surely our night together must have meant something to him? I try to jumble a sentence together in my mind and one almost starts to make sense until a shout wipes all sane thought from my mind.

“Ben? Beeeen?” Someone calls. A silky-sweet voice I know too well.

And Ben knows it too.

The colour drains from his face as he takes me in his arms, pulling me up off the bed with one strong arm and collecting my clothes with the other, the door begins to rattle as our company attempts to jiggle open the lock. From experience with Ben’s room I know it only takes a knock in the right direction and the age old lock springs open.

“One minute!” He calls in reply as he pushes a bundle of clothing into my open arms, already working his boxers back on with the other. He then pushes me over to the closet, swinging open the door and ushering me inside.

“Please.” He whispers desperately as he closes the door on me and I’m plunged into darkness.

“Ben!” The voice calls again as its owner finally frees the door from its lock and sweeps inside.

“Ellie.” Ben replies evenly, I can sense he’s still upset about their argument the night before. Good, I find myself thinking, I hope it was a big one.

“Ben…” She almost purrs, I can hear the tone of her voice and it drives me crazy, I can’t see what’s going on thanks to the closet door but my imagination makes up for it. My imagination serves to be much worse than anything I could possibly see. “Please don’t be angry baby, I’m sorry. I hate it when we fight.”“I hate it too.” He replies, his voice instantly softening and my heart drops. Shame starts to rise within me as I realise just where I am. I’m naked in my best friends closet after sleeping with him. With his girlfriend outside. Oh yeah, and I’m madly in love with him. I attempt to silently pull on my underwear as if this covering will make me feel better. Once my pants and bra are firmly secured I listen again, though there’s been nothing but silence for the pair whilst I dressed.“I love you Ben.” Ellie whispers to him, but her voice carries easily through the quiet room to me. I feel hot tears burning at the back of my eyes, the words are so easy for her, something I’ve been waiting nearly 8 years of my life to say.

“I love you too El, I really do.” He replies and my heart breaks. I can’t see now, even if there was a light I wouldn’t be able to, my vision is blurred by thousands of watery tears.

There’s a sound of movement, noise again of lips working against each other as they kiss. I think I’m going to be sick. I’m guessing it’s a mix of the alcohol fighting to leave my system and the solid truth of what I’m living. I quickly pull on my skirt and clasp my hand to my mouth, begging myself not to wretch right now.

Silence falls once more as they pull apart, I can only imagine the way they’re staring into each others eyes, he adores her…

“I’ll have to go… I’m meeting Lizzie.” She says after a moment, her tone sounds almost pathetically childish and I’d bet my bottom dollar she’s pouting.

“Do you have to babe?” He asks in an equally sweet tone of voice and his words cause one salty tear to break free from my eyes, rolling alone down my cheek.

“Yes.” She replies after a laugh, there’s sounds of stepping away. She’s going. Good. “I promised her I’d be there at eleven. I’ll swing by later… Might even stay round if you make it worth my while…”A low, deep chuckle comes from Ben and I almost wretch again. There’s a distinct sound of an embrace, obvious kissing sounds leaking through the closet and to my ears. I quickly pull on my shirt. I’m fully dressed now, well, apart from my shoes, it’s a wonder she hasn’t spotted them. Half of me hopes she does.

The sound of two bodies parting and the door creaking open. “Later.” She tells him with a giggle before she disappears and the door slams shut behind her.

With all my hoping that she’d disappear I never once thought about what I’d do when she actually did. Just me and Ben alone again, after this.

He seems to be thinking the same thing as whole minutes tick by before I hear him making his way to the closet, or is that just my paranoia?

Suddenly the door creaks open, plunging me back into daylight.

“Sorry about that.” He says and he’s actually smiling. Smiling, after that. After what he’s just put me through. Rage boils up in me as it never has before and I push past him, bursting out into the room and searching madly for my shoes though its harder than ever to see how, my vision is completely blurred with hot tears splashing down over my cheeks faster that I ever think they have before.

“Abs! Wait!” He pleads, know he realises he’s done something wrong. Well I’m sorry, but its too late.

“No!” I snap harshly, spinning around on my heels, I have one 4-inch heeled shoe in one hand and though I’m still searching for its partner, I hold it high up as if it were some kind of weapon. I do suppose I could do some damage with such a spike if I needed too. “Did last night mean nothing to you? Wait, don’t answer me that. I know now it meant nothing.” Although my words left me mouth as a barely audible whisper, they rolled from my tongue with a bitterness I’ve never known my voice could manage.

“Wait, we need to talk..” He protests, reaching out to take my hand but I send him a glare which shoots him right back.

Suddenly I realise just why he wants to talk, its nothing to do with how I feel, its all about protecting himself.

“Don’t worry, Ellie won’t find out about this. Everyone’s got a skeleton in their closet, I suppose I’ll be yours.” I sneer, I never knew I could be this vicious but it feels good, like I’m releasing all my heartache.

One look at him know tells me that my suspicions we’re true, that’s exactly what he was worrying about. His whole body seems to deflate as he slumps in defeat, first his gaze drops from mine as his head rolls to the floor, then his shoulders follow.

“I think its best if we don’t see each other for a while.” He mutters to the ground and even with all my anger and hatred for him at this moment, his words still burn with pain.

“Fine by me.” I snap harshly, swinging around to retrieve my other shoe as I storm out, not even bothering to put on my shoes until I’ve escaped his flat and I’m halfway up the street.

Its when I’m there I stop and pull on my shoes, the first slips on easily but the buckle on the other won’t fasten. This tiny piece of frustration is all I need to break down, folding back against the bench I sit upon, sobbing out my broken heart.

Because we can't always have a happy ending, can we?

But trust me, this is far from the end. ;)

review? :)