|Doktor Bizarro's Bookshelf of Horrors
Author: Jave Harron PM
Your future overlord Dr. Bizarro shares his opinions of horrible books. From the trainwrecks of modern writing to the gutters of history, no standard is too low. Now, Herr Doktor gets to slice and dice an awful, Orientalist piece of sword and sorcery fantasy written by a master of trashy novels.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 41 - Words: 70,471 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 05-21-13 - Published: 03-08-09 - id: 2644814
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Doktor Bizarro's Bookshelf of Horrors
Updated Experimental Protocol
Greetings, pathetic baseline humans! Your future overlord Dr. Bizarro here. I have emerged from my bunker to unleash my latest plan for conquest upon the world. It is a plan so delightfully ironic, and fills me with schadenfreude after seeing the first subjects' suffering. Since you baseline humans constantly wallow around in the post-modernist philosophical wasteland you call 'contemporary culture,' I have decided to let you have a taste of your own medicine.
How can I do that, you ask? As an amoral soulless cyborg and PhD in Evil Engineering, I will show you pain in the form of your oldest form of mass media: the written word. While I do have my subliminal messages in your television shows, movies, video games, and web sites, I plan to conquer that which other mad scientists have overlooked.
I will unleash the worst books I can find upon you, and dare you to read with me. If you desire either to stop me, or join my zombie cyborg legions, you must prove yourself. Follow me through the depths of Literary Hell, and embrace the madness that follows! Do not say I did not warn you. There is no turning back. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter here. Prepare to melt your mind with Doctor Bizarro's Bookshelf of Horrors, where your worst tomes are my favorite tortures!
P.S.: If you are extremely lucky, then some dormant nanobots within you will activate while reading subliminal messages and begin your conversion to zomborg.
Update: Sometimes, I review good books to show you what interesting things look like, and because I occasionally show mercy upon you lab rats. In the title of each chapter, I will use the following grading system:
A: A good/excellent work that is highly recommended.
B: A solid work with a few things that prevent it from being a masterpiece, or something so bad it is good, or just something I found interesting.
C: Mediocre or average work. Might be worth reading depending on your interests, but may otherwise be forgettable.
D: A horrible work in most respects, save perhaps one or two redeeming features. Worth skipping.
F: A piece of literary bile you should stay far, far away from.