Because this is how I feel. There ain't no more denying that I feel weak, not strong. Stop telling me I am strong because I am not. I am weak. I am not doing a very good job at fighting. I can barely deal with this anymore. That's why I put Miley Cyrus's "The Climb" into the story. But like the ending of the song, I know I'm going to drive myself till the end, I am not going to give up my fight. I am going to win this. xx Mira xx

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I´m dreaming but
There´s a voice inside my head saying
You´ll never reach it

Running and running around in this world. Going through the impossible. It weighs you down. You cannot escape the pain you feel inside. At least I can't. I'm not strong like alot of people I know. I can't deal with my past, I run from it. And once things start to look good again, one rock slips and I fall once more. My dream crushed, the happiness I want far out of reach. It's like I wasn't meant to reach the finish line. I try to reach the finish line when that voice comes into the back of my mind. "You'll never reach it". It is the only words I hear as I keep trying to reach the finish line of all of this. No friendly words. Nobody here to help me through when I slip and fall. I curl up alone wondering if there was ever a point to begining this fight. I don't see it anymore. It's not my fight. I'm not fighting for myself. I keep myself going for other people. But that doesn't help me. That helps them. But it doesn't help me to be able to deal with any of this. It never did.

Every step I´m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

I don't have a map. I don't have a compus. I have several perfectly good roads to pick, but they all lead me to dead ends. So how am I supposed to be able to keep my faith in the words that I had been told. That bad times pass. It just seems like the perfectly good ones passed, and now all that life can offer me is one obstacle after the other. I trip again. Another dead end. Another block in the middle of the road. And I hate it. How come it's me? I ask myself. But I remind myself not to be selfish. What does it matter now anyway? Nobody's there to hear my screams. Nobody's there to hold me while I cry. I'm alone. I have to wipe my own tears. I remember the people who used to be there. Stolen away from me. All gone and away from me.

But I
I gotta keep trying
Gonna keep my head held high

I know it's stupid and pointless to give up now. Why should I when I've gone this far? Even if I am alone, I have to keep my head up, trying to keep in mind that I can do this. But its hard to remind myself of that.

There´s always gonna be another mountain
I´m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I´m gonna have to lose

At this point I don't know what I'm fighting. Myself or something bigger than that. Am I really fighting to prove other people wrong? Or am I fighting to prove to myself that there is one mountain that I've left in the dust, now I can climb this one? It's hard to see that I'm doing good climbing one mountain, when there is a whole range around me. It's discourging. And it is too hard to prove to myself. I let go and start again. Just because I lose one time, doesn't mean I have to lose to all of the rest, right?

Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
It´s the climb

Getting over the obstacle always seems so hard. I know that. I've been through a lot that other people wouldn't understand. I've had other things I've had to get through. It wasn't a face climb either. So why do I keep telling myself I can't do this one?

The struggles I´m facing
The chances I´m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I´m not breaking

I keep falling down, yes. But that doesn't mean I am about to break. I am not ready to just quit. But how can I be so sure it just isn't my time to end all of this? End all the suffering?

And I
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on

Because I know I have to do it for my family I've lost. The ones who couldn't win their fights. I have to win mine for them. I have to beat this for them. They fought. I know that. I saw it. So I have to keep pushing on. Because I'm not going to be a failure. I am going to win my fight. I am going to win my fight for myself, and for them. For all of them. Because they are the driving force behind me. Of course they are.

Cuz
There´s always gonna be another mountain
I´m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
And sometimes I´m gonna to have to lose

Because I am strong. I am ready. And I will do this. Because I am a fighter. And I don't lose my fights.

Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
It´s the climb

It's not about what prize can be won. It's about doing this. It doesn't matter how long it's going to take me. Because I know this is just another thing I can get through.

There´s always gonna be another mountain
I´m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes you gonna to have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
It´s the climb

I'm going to keep moving on. Not for others. Not for my friends. Not for my family. I enjoy having them all by my side. But this is my fight, and I am not doing it for them. Because when I do, I am not doing it for myself. So I am doing this fight for myself. Not anybody else. And I will be the victor.

Yeah
Yeay
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith
Baby
It´s all about
It´s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Woho