Words from My Heart (And Gemstone Tears)

It’s not your words that scare me, it’s your silence
Just the same way that I don’t find your eyes most beautiful about you
but rather what I see reflected in them
So react any way you want to all of the things I do,
but please say something.

I know that you have all the reasons in the world and I have none,
And that’s probably why I don’t tell you of all my fears or the thoughts that push me
to the edge of sanity that I don’t know where come from.
I don’t want to burden your troubled mind with my petty problems
so instead of letting myself break down I wear my pretty porcelain mask
and let my gemstone tears fall into my pillow on the rare occasion that
I cry myself to sleep.

And I can’t say I come close to what you’ve been through, but I’m still broken
and sometimes I wonder if it’s beyond repair.

There isn’t a person that knows everything about me
This is because trust is a concept that I don’t fully understand after mine has been
let down too many times
For the sake of honesty, though, I’ll tell you these facts about myself: the thing that I fear most in the world is trust, and what I fear second most is losing the people I dare to get close to and dare to let close.
It seems to be a recurring theme in my friendships, though.

Believe me when I say that I want only good things for you, for I do
And know that all the times that I hurt you, I don’t mean to
The words that I’ve said that have caused you harm because of things I never knew
I wish I could take them back
I want your happiness almost more than my own, and you know I’d go far to make you smile
but there’s something not right about that.
Giving up my own is slowly making me fall apart, and I’m not sure for how much longer I can keep up my façade before it all comes crumbling down.

I love you more than you know, and I know that you return that
but we are different
I am the kind of person that puts her friends needs before her own, and you weren’t raised to be that, and therefore it is that at times what you ask of me might be just a little much.
And maybe I’ll accept that you do and go along,
but I’m letting you know to be careful.

One day I fear that you will ask of me something I cannot do.
One day I fear that you will realize.
I don’t want us to hit that wall.
So I beg you, consider your requests with caution
Cause one of them just might be too much.

Authors Note: Very personal. I was in a major rough patch involving two of my best friends, this was written for one of them.