Fated

Chapter 3

What had happened? I rolled over and hugged my stuffed bear tighter, my mind swimming with thoughts that I didn’t want to think. I could still feel her on my lips, her soft skin against mine, the sweet taste of her lip gloss. She had kissed me. She had kissed me right there in the middle of a field where anyone could have seen, and I didn’t stop her. She had sinned with me in plain view.

And I liked it.

I wanted it to happen again. Everything inside of me cried with the desire to make it happen again. Waves of dizziness pumped through my heart as I thought about Tara and I was helpless against it. Was I . . . ?

No, I couldn’t be. I was a good girl. I never missed church on Sunday, and I sang every hymn. I even tried my best to read the Book of Mormon every night, and I attended the weekday activities for church. So why was God letting me experience this? When had I opened myself up to the influence of the Devil?

Why didn’t I feel the overwhelming guilt that I was supposed to be feeling?

I got up. I wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon, and I was bored of lying in my bed. The night was warm and quiet, and I felt drawn to it. As quietly as I could, I slipped outside to the front porch and sat down, staring up at the stars. The crickets were singing in their hiding places, and a moth fluttered into a bug zapper. I let out a sigh.

“I was praying that you would come out.”

I jumped up to my feet, startled as I watched Tara materialize out of a dark shadow spilling over the side of my house. My heart kept pounding as I watched her walk toward me, and with a slight smile she plopped onto the step below mine.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

She placed a finger against her mouth, and I flushed over how loud my voice had been. Then with a soft whisper she replied, “Things got a little too intense at home.”

I sat down and remained silent. She didn’t want to continue, and I didn’t want to force her to. So I waited. I waited for her to decide what to say; I waited for her hand to touch mine; I waited for my feelings to fade away.

“Did you know that . . .” She paused. “No, you probably won’t believe me.”

“What is it?” I wanted to snuggle up against her side and lay my head on her shoulder. It took everything I had to fight the urge.

“It will offend your Mormon sensibilities.”

“Try me.” I slid down onto the same step that she was sitting on. I could smell Tara’s perfume, sweet and fruity like dessert, mixed in with the bitter scent of mosquito repellent.

“Through all of our past lives, you and I have always been together. When we’re a man and a woman, we get married and raise a family. When we’re both men or both women – like we are now – it’s always been more complicated. But our souls are tied together, and we always choose to live at the same time and place.” Tara shrugged. “At least, that’s what I’ve been told . . .”

I stared at her. I had never before considered the idea of reincarnation. I had never needed to. From birth my parents had told me that they knew what God’s plan was, and that had been enough for me. But now as I listened to Tara speak about past lives, something inside of me sang out that it was true. It was the only explanation for why she was able to turn me upside-down with a simple smile. “Who told you?” I asked, only to make her start talking again so I could listen to her voice.

“Isis, the Egyptian goddess. We’re pretty tight, she and I.” Tara turned to face me. “I wanted to know why I like you so much.”

“You like me?” I leaned forward, closer to her, breathing her in.

“I love you.” Her lips touched mine. “In that rush of hormones, infatuation type way, of course. We only just met.”

“But you said that we’ve always been together.” I kissed her, and the fire started burning. I wanted to melt into her. God and society be damned. This was something that I couldn’t fight. This was something that would only cause me misery if I did try to fight.

Then she took my hand and stood. “Show me your bedroom,” she said, smiling.

Opening up the front door, I led her inside.