15. we only run the course to stand together at the end

My parents didn’t even bother asking if I was dressed or not. They just let him into my room.

I stayed firmly curled underneath my comforter, until the door had shut and I felt my mattress dip.

“Come on,” he said tiredly, “Isn’t it time you stopped sulking?”

“No,” I mumbled, focused on the sliver of light cracking through. Danny sighed. After a moment he started gently patting my hair. It was something he used to do when we were young.

“It’s not like he’s dead, Mac,” he said after a minute, “And, jeez, you know I liked him first,” he didn’t sound particularly upset. I kept my silence. He continued, “Nor did I bitch you out for abandoning me with Sister Ellie.”

“She’s a good person.” I said robotically. I couldn’t seem to feel much of anything. There was silence for a moment, and then Danny shoved me over, spread himself out, and yanked the covers down to around my shoulders.

“Mackenzie, come on,” he snapped, “This isn’t you. You don’t do this—this pity party shit. You don’t let other people do it. The last time I tried you stole my bike.”

“I’m fine!” I snapped at him, “I’m just sick. I’ll be better in a few days.”

“Oh, are you?” he put his feet on mine, and I retreated quickly. They were freezing.

“Yeah. I am. I’m sorry I ditched you. And that I made out with your boyfriend.”

“He’s your boyfriend.”

“No, he’s—I’m gay! And even if I wasn’t, he’s…gone. So. So, it doesn’t matter.”

I watched the ceiling fan turn. Maybe I really was sick. Maybe it was fatal.

“You don’t have to—oh, god,” Danny broke off, blowing out a huge sigh, “Mackenzie, no one cares if you’re gay or not, okay?”

“I do!” I yelled, “God, I don’t want to be the only one filling in ‘undecided’ on the questionnaire! ”

“You know, you’re—” his lips pursed, and he hissed, “You’re more than just the people you sleep with, okay? I don’t care if you like girls or boys—look, you want Silas, you can have him, seriously. You know why? Because you’re still the brat I grew up with, and I go through so much shit for you, but I don’t really care because you’re—Mackenzie. That’s who you are. And there’s only one of you, and I don’t have anyone else in the end.”

After a moment I ungracefully wrenched one arm free of the blankets, reached out and took hold of his sleeve.

Eventually, our breathing fell in sync, and the quiet sound of it filled my room. Above me, the fan kept turning.

“I still like girls,” I said quietly, “But I guess that’s not all. Maybe seventy-thirty.”

Danny snorted, but didn’t say anything.

“I love you,” I said, and blinked hard, “I always have and always will. Not in the way I love Silas or Grace, but just different.”

“I know,” Danny said simply, and scooted over until out shoulders were touching.

We looked at the ceiling.

“Don’t give up on him,” he said, finally, “He waited for you for two years, now it’s your turn.”

I breathed.

“Can we just stay here for a bit?” I said in a small voice, “Just a little bit.”

“Yeah,” Danny said as our hands closed together, breathing in rhythm, the ceiling fan spinning. “We can.”

An After Note to Address the Reader’s Many Concerns:

So, this story. I’m sure a lot of you are probably wondering what the heck is going on with this relationship, if it’s romantic or platonic, or what. If you’ve read chapter one, you’ll remember I used the term “soul mates.” Well, that’s exactly what they are. Two people who were made to be perfectly compatible, to always be together, and have a sort of unbreakable bond. So then of course, I had to make them gay. (Although, it’s getting very sketchy on this front, so you are free to draw your own interpretations of their sexuality.)

I did this for a reason. There’s always been that saying, the one about how boys and girls can’t be friends without inevitably falling for one another. And then there’s these two. A lot of this story was about exploring the concept of love, and the idea of a much purer, more honest version of it. I wanted to make it clear that you don’t have to sleep with someone or be related to them to just really and honestly love them. I wanted a story about a boy and a girl who were both likable, if screwed up, people.

So in the end, it’s up to you. You can believe that they’ll get married, you can believe they’ll move apart and never speak to one another again except for awkward high school reunions, or you can believe that they shall continue exactly as they are—friends. Just friends. And at the same time, so much more than that. Maybe they’ll fall in love with other people, but in the end, I don’t think that would ever be enough to tear them apart.

Anyway, that’s the end. Thanks very much for reading!